Are there any Step-Fathers Here?
I just joined after spending more than an hour reading post after post
written by women. Are there ANY men writing here?
You will find me to be a bit of a tough-love type, but I strongly believe in mutual respect and dignity. My wife tends to be like I am. She says, "see the cancer-cut it out." She has put her money where her mouth is, as I have in the past.
All that aside...I am widowed from my first wife (2 SS, now 25 and 29), and we had a daughter (now 22) who was 9 when her mother passed away.
Long story short, I re-married far too quickly and inherited yet ANOTHER SS (now 25), and had a BS with her (now 7). We had a largely unhappy marriage, and I was happy to leave behind EVERY penny I had. I considered it paying my own ransom, and I moved along. Unfortunately we live 5000 miles apart and I have only gotten to see him a few times. His mother tries very hard to push me away. I am hanging in as best I can. I have rationalized this by being determined to really push hard as he grows older and more aware.
Much later, after taking the time to heal I met and married my current wife. She is childfree and wants to stay that way.
The issue is my relationship (non-existent) with all my step-sons. I raised each of them the best I could and loved them as my own. The oldest ones stayed with me after their mother passed away. Now, years later they faded away. I have grown to resent this as NONE of their biological fathers paid a dime of support----I gave them the love and support (and yes, discipline) that they
needed as they grew up. Interestingly, now I am PAYING a large amount of child support for my own son. That financial equation just didn't work in my favor!
Is it wrong that I feel betrayed by my stepsons and actually still care? Or...as my common sense tells me, just let it go?
Feelings aren't right or
Feelings aren't right or wrong, they're feelings.
If you aren't ready to let it go, then just accept your feelings.
When you can let it go, you'll feel lighter and more free.
I'm female. I did see one post from a man, on a topic initiated by a woman. There are probably a lot of men out there who are going through the same thing; either they didn't find this board, or they got scared off because there were so many women.
If you use Facebook or Twitter, you could share a link to the site, & possibly more men would join.
Meanwhile, the feeling patterns for women look the same as yours - the step-parent can knock themselves out for the step son or daughter, and they get resentment & rudeness in return.
Most of the people got to this board because they had a problem; a few may have had a problem when they started, but now they're just hanging around to help.