If your SS25 is as you say, I think it would be better to move on.  It's very possible he didn't mean it as an intentional slight.  He may very well didn't have a photo of you of the time of his posting.  Also, and I'm sorry, but your ego (not in a bad way) is creating a scenario in your mind that may or may not be happening with the BM, which you are looking to your SS25 to resolve by adding a photo of you.  You already know what you've done in his life and your relationship with him bears evidence to that.  He didn't reject you  He just posted about his mom because she's "in the background" and he was probably really happy that she showed up.  Try to think of it from his perspective, as the COD.  I understand how you feel, but you are actually the one creating these feelings by playing out scenarios in your head.  Who cares if the BM is smug?  She's the one who is ultimately missing out.  

Especially when you've done a lot of the heavy lifting during SS's difficult years.  And you've contributed financially towards his upbringing as well as his down payment for his own home.  

My only suggestion is to try and temper your definition of how close you are.  As you have learned, biological mother-love almost always trumps all other loves.  Despite you taking a mother-like role in SS's life, he fundamentally will never see you as a mother figure.   It's hard to accept, I know.  

But keeping your emotional bank protected will help you now, and in the future.  SS will probably marry one day and have children of his own.  And make no mistake - BM will be THE grandmother.  Maintain a friendly and cordial relationship with this young man but expect nothing else.  

Feel very bad for you and yes this is the life of so many SM's....put in twice the effort and receive half the acknowledgemen if any at all

Not that most of us do what we do for acknowledgement, but to constantly be sent the message that you don't matter when you've put your heart and soul into bonding with your steps, is so hard

I think evil3 has offered some great insight and advice...made me stop and rethink some of my own dilema's 

Best advice I think is to have zero expectations of your skids, and there is far less chance of being hurt 

Yes, you are being overly sensitive.

Stop it!

I have 3 adult stepchildren with children of their own and have been with this family for seven years. In that whole time there is only one family photo that I have been invited into and only because the ex wasn't there.

There have been multiple other ways this family has excluded me. Which does hurt as my biological family is not like this and has welcomed my partner as "one of us" into our family and my biological sons lives. So I find it very hard to understand and accept.

My partners ex ignores me for the most part and looks at me like I'm a bad taste. She may have said 10 or 20 sentences at me in that whole time. I think the adult stepchildren do post old photos of their parents together in happier times on social media on purpose as once I had an old photo of stepson and his girlfriend on our wall at home which his sister promptly removed when he got a new girlfriend so it didnt offend. So they know alright.

So dont feel in the wrong for feeling what you're feeling. All these little things add up and yes it does hurt. xx

I dont expect a child will ever feel about a SM the way they feel about BM. My brother never knew his mother and my mother raised him from the time he was 3. He never considered my mother, his mother even though she was all he knew.  I think we look too much at labels. I raised my neice but because I know I am not her mother, I never feel offended when it comes to her mother. Who I dislike immensely, because she is a bad person. But I find I am understanding of her feelings for her mother being different than they are for me. I take the same approach with being a SM. It is normal to feel some type of way, when you do something and someone else gets the glory. But, we have to respect children will always have a loyalty to thier BPs no matter what and try not to take it personally. 

Too many people look at a SM as competing with mom and wanting mom’s “glory.”  That is not true.  Most SMs, first and foremost, want to be accepted for what they are, for what their role is, and that is the role of dad’s wife (or SO). 

If I’m going to be cooking and cleaning, and so on for someone else’s children and they do pretty much nothing other than look the other way, for a woman to expect appreciation for providing vs. an eye roll, it is not her wanting or expecting the loyalty or “glory” of a mother.  It is simply her wanting to be treated like a human being.  This is the year 2020.

Most children never will feel the same about SM as they do BM.  But most children should know or have been taught to show appreciation for what they receive.  After all, that is what separates us the most from other mammals.  We can actually say, “Thank you.”  However, I admit nowadays personally I feel like my fur baby is giving me way more appreciation than anyone else.

He probably either didn't have a picture or didn't want BM to see one posted and most likely a mix of both. Which is understandable. After 9 years with adult step kids I've figured out I and my kids don't mean much to them. They are nice to us like neighbors or maybe cousins you see a couple times a year but that is it. They ignored my son's wedding, didn't RSVP,  never even asked to see pictures. After that I gave up on expectations of us feeling like a family. I just go with the flow now. We are all friendly but no expectations leaves no future hurt.