my step kids were all adults when my husband and I were married 5 years ago. 2 are married. When they have something to share they include my husband and I and also there mother and step father in a big ole group text. I never comment on these. I often send them a private text about the photo or whatever they've said. Does anyone's else's step kids do this? find it very insensitive.
I don't think it's insensitive per se, just not your preferred method of communication and that's ok. At least they are talking to you. Also it shows healthy relationships can exist even in blended families. If you don't like it then ask her to remove you or you can block them from your cell phone so you don't have to see it.
Well, we all know why they put everyone in a group text--to bother you, mostly, and to keep their parents "together", at least in their minds. It's crossing boundaries and it's disrespectful. If both you and your husband reply in a separate group text with just yourselves and the SKs, the fun will stop and in an undramatic fashion.
To me, it's a matter of perspective. I'd take that over being excluded. It's just easier for them to make one group text if everyone is getting the same information or photo. If they are otherwise respectful, I'd let it go.
Private text response is fine. (Although I think I'd include my husband.) No need to include their mother and step father.
Keeping a distributed family all informed is a savory cup of tea for some who like to individually communicate with each person. For others it is done with a group distribution.
I am fine either way.
My dad sends out a daily "Blurp" email to family and friends covering what he and mom did the previous day. It is great. Some day my dad will be gone and I will have his Blurps and many dozens of his annual journals to read with the sound of his voice joyfully in my head.
My SO's adult daughter can't be bothered to communicate with him at all.
But she does have BM so integrated into her daily life she probably knows what time SD takes a crap each day! This is the result after a lifetime of alienation. I will give BM credit for that - she is a master of parental alienation.
I don't think they are being insensitive - at least you are included. They don't mean any harm, it's more a generational thing. Don't make trouble where there is none.
My skids and my BD rarely do group texts, but all have when it's been something significant that we all needed to know about. I didn't find it upsetting. Usual communication is directly with each of their parents individually.
I was told that I was not included in texts or emails because they shoudl be kept "in the family". The SD's wanted to cause a wedge; they got one. You should be thankful you are included.
Nice to be included, unless they do this to be passive aggressive. If they're just sharing news with everyone at once, I agree with others that it's nice that you're included. You might want to figure out why this bothers you. If you demand to get your own, separate messages, you might find you get none.
I would say it's better to be included than not, as opposed to just sending it to them, mom, and dad, like one big family. Also stepdad is included, so it's even less weird. But, there are many situations and i don't know the whole of yours. Maybe try thinking of it that way, but if things have happened that make it still uncomfortable for you, you have every right to your feelings and to speak up. You could also turn off the alerts or silence that group, so you don't get bothered by it but also have access to all the info when you feel like looking.
I’m not involved in the family group texts my FIL sends out. I know it’s MIL, DH, BIL, and some other adult family members, and maybe skid sometimes, but not me and I am 100% okay with that. It’s like their own little needy, enmeshed, ego-stroking, photo sharing party and I want nothing to do with it. Half of the time DH states he’s too busy with work to even engage in it.
Here's another perspective on the group text: Perhaps they feel so at ease with the structure of the family at this point that they are trrying to treat you all equally. It could be another way of saying, 'I recognize our family's situation, I accept it, and it's my intention to treat you all equally.' Kids are sometimes sensitive enough to worry about who they tell what in which order. The group text is one way out for them. That's just me looking for the positive spin.
In any case, you are handling your response so gracefully. Good for you!! I'll take a lesson from it, if I ever have to be a part of such a thing again (only once did that happen for me).
Adult step kids/texting
my step kids were all adults when my husband and I were married 5 years ago. 2 are married. When they have something to share they include my husband and I and also there mother and step father in a big ole group text. I never comment on these. I often send them a private text about the photo or whatever they've said. Does anyone's else's step kids do this? find it very insensitive.
Personal preference
I don't think it's insensitive per se, just not your preferred method of communication and that's ok. At least they are talking to you. Also it shows healthy relationships can exist even in blended families. If you don't like it then ask her to remove you or you can block them from your cell phone so you don't have to see it.
Honestly, as someone who is
Honestly, as someone who is often left out of these types of communication, you should feel lucky. Being left out is a lot worse.
Well, we all know why they
Well, we all know why they put everyone in a group text--to bother you, mostly, and to keep their parents "together", at least in their minds. It's crossing boundaries and it's disrespectful. If both you and your husband reply in a separate group text with just yourselves and the SKs, the fun will stop and in an undramatic fashion.
To me, it's a matter of
To me, it's a matter of perspective. I'd take that over being excluded. It's just easier for them to make one group text if everyone is getting the same information or photo. If they are otherwise respectful, I'd let it go.
Private text response is fine. (Although I think I'd include my husband.) No need to include their mother and step father.
Keeping a distributed family
Keeping a distributed family all informed is a savory cup of tea for some who like to individually communicate with each person. For others it is done with a group distribution.
I am fine either way.
My dad sends out a daily "Blurp" email to family and friends covering what he and mom did the previous day. It is great. Some day my dad will be gone and I will have his Blurps and many dozens of his annual journals to read with the sound of his voice joyfully in my head.
At least you hear from them.
My SO's adult daughter can't be bothered to communicate with him at all.
But she does have BM so integrated into her daily life she probably knows what time SD takes a crap each day! This is the result after a lifetime of alienation. I will give BM credit for that - she is a master of parental alienation.
I don't think they are being
I don't think they are being insensitive - at least you are included. They don't mean any harm, it's more a generational thing. Don't make trouble where there is none.
My skids and my BD rarely do
My skids and my BD rarely do group texts, but all have when it's been something significant that we all needed to know about. I didn't find it upsetting. Usual communication is directly with each of their parents individually.
I was told that I was not
I was told that I was not included in texts or emails because they shoudl be kept "in the family". The SD's wanted to cause a wedge; they got one. You should be thankful you are included.
Same here
His SD for 12 years has continued with the same type of exclusion. She is diabolical. I now look at it as a blessing of sorts to not be included.
I think this is nice
Nice to be included, unless they do this to be passive aggressive. If they're just sharing news with everyone at once, I agree with others that it's nice that you're included. You might want to figure out why this bothers you. If you demand to get your own, separate messages, you might find you get none.
I would say it's better to be
I would say it's better to be included than not, as opposed to just sending it to them, mom, and dad, like one big family. Also stepdad is included, so it's even less weird. But, there are many situations and i don't know the whole of yours. Maybe try thinking of it that way, but if things have happened that make it still uncomfortable for you, you have every right to your feelings and to speak up. You could also turn off the alerts or silence that group, so you don't get bothered by it but also have access to all the info when you feel like looking.
I’m in the “at least you’re
I’m in the “at least you’re included” camp too.
I’m not involved in the family group texts my FIL sends out. I know it’s MIL, DH, BIL, and some other adult family members, and maybe skid sometimes, but not me and I am 100% okay with that. It’s like their own little needy, enmeshed, ego-stroking, photo sharing party and I want nothing to do with it. Half of the time DH states he’s too busy with work to even engage in it.
Maybe another perspective
KK27,
Here's another perspective on the group text: Perhaps they feel so at ease with the structure of the family at this point that they are trrying to treat you all equally. It could be another way of saying, 'I recognize our family's situation, I accept it, and it's my intention to treat you all equally.' Kids are sometimes sensitive enough to worry about who they tell what in which order. The group text is one way out for them. That's just me looking for the positive spin.
In any case, you are handling your response so gracefully. Good for you!! I'll take a lesson from it, if I ever have to be a part of such a thing again (only once did that happen for me).