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NCP wanting to move out of state

ThatGirlKat's picture

Submitted by ThatGirlKat on Mon, 10/08/2012 - 3:48pm

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Family Court

Hi all,

My live-in S.O. and I are stuck in a huge bind. Both of us have been out of work for a long time and have basically been living off my parents' good graces for the past year. Now they can't afford to help anymore and my boyfriend and I still haven't been able to find work. My boyfriend is the non-custodial parent and we have his girls (7 and Dirol every other weekend. My current debt is crushing and he doesn't even have a license because he owes back child support. Without steady work, we cannot survive in the city where we live. Lack of ID or an ability to drive impairs him from obtaining work, etc. etc.

Soon we will be homeless, either by breaking our lease or getting evicted. My parents have offered us their house as a place to live rent-free while we get our finances sorted and try to find work...but it's 2500 miles away. So either we move and my boyfriend can't see his kids, or he stays and is homeless, without resources, without a job, and capable of being pulled over and thrown in jail at any time for unpaid CS and driving w/o a license. Logically, moving makes more sense because we'll have a home base, but he says he can't do it because he's sure he'll lose his kids. Does anyone have experience handling visitation while homeless, or what rights an NCP has when they move away? Which of the two comes out worse for the NCP? He's so certain that his kids' BM (who's completely belligerent and wants him out of her hair more than anything) would immediately file against him for "abandonment" or something if he moved, that he's willing to stay here and risk getting arrested even though he might not be able to even provide for the kids. I doubt BM would be willing to agree to us making up visitation later in the summer without a legal custody modification. I pretty much have to move anyway -- never mind the amount of guilt and terror I'm feeling about that situation...

I'm just trying to find a way to keep us all together in some way, even if it can't be in our current city. Even if I did convince my S.O. to come with me now and figure it out later when we're back on our feet, I know he'd resent the situation so much it could break us.

Any help from your own personal experiences - particularly dealing with how the courts handled your case? What does it take to constitute "abandonment"? What restrictions are put on homeless parents?

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Mon, 10/08/2012 - 3:51pm

I wish I had answers for you but I don't. Hopefully someone will post soon and know what to say! I am also curious as well, since my DH has 50/50 with SD14, but she's exclusively deciding to not visit him for her weeks with us and we're considering moving out of state next year.

Sorry you guys are going through this rough period.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 10/08/2012 - 3:54pm

I am REALLY sorry you're facing this. It sucks. HARD.
In my personal experience, my XH did this. He "lost" his job, and has been "unemployed" for about 4 years. He couldn't hack it, couldn't find work, and moved across the country to live with a woman he met online who felt sorry for him (and wanted to bang him.)
It completely destroyed the relationship he had with our children. Now, he didn't have much contact after he left, so that's a factor. But the kids felt abandoned by him, and now...years later, there is NO relationship between them. Any of them. (He has 4 kids, all teens or odler.)
Now, a piece of advice...
This is your BF. Not your DH. BF. I suggest breaking apart this thinking of "we're a unit" and worry about getting yourself squared away.
Move to your parents' house. Gather yourself together, and get on your feet. Worry about getting YOUR shit together. Don't be burdened with HIS shit right now.
You can still keep in contact with him. He can go to the library and use the internet for free. He can call you at your parents' house. There are options, and I'm not suggesting you "leave" him.
I'm suggesting you handle your business, and he handle his. Your wagon is NOT hitched to his.

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Mon, 10/08/2012 - 5:39pm

Wow, Foxie and I agree... whodathunk?

OP, I think that means maybe you should listen. Smile

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Mon, 10/08/2012 - 5:07pm

I wouldn't suggest him moving w/o petitioning the court for a change in the visitation schedule first. He may also want to check his CO; it may already state that he is barred from moving more than x miles from his kids. (((hugs)))

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 10/09/2012 - 2:29am

He has every right as a long distance NCP as he has as a local NCP. To prevent BM from filing against him for abandonment he should file for an ammendment of the CO to change his visitation from local to long distance. That pulls BMs teeth as far as abandonment is concerned.

He may be able to get a new license in a different state depending on why he lost his license. Often administrative punishments from one state will not transfer to another. Texas is one state that is very selective about how it applies adnimistrative issues from another state and may not recognize some issues from a different state. CS is not a driving offense and some states may not recognize a CS related driving ban from another state.

Obviously if you have employement opportunities elsewhere you have to go to the opportunity. If you don't then you will not have a better life even if your SO can get his proverbial crap together and correct his CS deficite.

IMHO of course.

As for staying with this guy .... as others have said ..... not a good idea. Go to your parents, get your life in order and find someone who can be an equity partner for you rather than someone who is and likely will remain a hinderance to your life, happiness and success.