Grrrr....aaaarggggh!!!! So I'm the childish one now?
looking for some advice..DH and I got into a major fight last night re: the upcoming court date for custody of his son. However, DH and I have a five month old together, and I am currently in the process of starting a new job. Being a nurse, my new employer does not look toi kindly on taking days off during my probationary period, which is the first six months, and I am not completely sure that they would give me permission to go to court with him 16 hours away and be gone for an entire week.
The reason why the argument exploded was because I have an issue with his Grandmother. The last time that we stayed over at her house on vacation, we had an altercation (over her insistence on listening to my phone calls). The issue was allegedly squashed that same day, but word eventually got out and came back to me that she was still griping about me to other family members and talking about me in a very negative manner. I do not feel comfortable staying at her house again (for obvious reasons) while we go to court, or for her to take care of our daughter while we are at court because she has personal issues with me.
DH refuses to stay at a hotel (doesn't want to hurt grandma's feelings). When I suggest him going to court with his mother (who has been very supportive), and me staying home with the baby, he also refuses, stating that it does not look good for a married man to show up in court alone. When I suggest staying at a hotel and letting GM babysit for the sake of making things easier, he also refuses. He has also accused me of being childish for not forgiving his grandmother and for not feeling comfortable staying there for the week. So basically, the hitline is this, "I don't have a choice. I HAVE TO go to court with him." Otherwise, he will no go, and I will be guilt tripped for the rest of my life, because he lost the chance to gain custody of his son.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick and tired of sacrificing myself for the sake of everyone else. I have done so much to try and make everyone happy. And the one time when I need someone to cater to my needs, I have to be the one to make the 'sacrifice' for the "sake of the kids." Tears are rolling down my face as I type. I don't think I'm the kind of woman that can deal with this crap for the next 16-18 years everytime we have to go to court, because the way things are going, i am very sure we're going to be going back there time and time again. Any thoughts on this?
Well
I guess, that you can look at it as a "sacrifice" you are making for your SS and DH.
Now, try to talk to DH and ask him if he would be ok staying at the house of one of your family members that had been talking negatively about him? Would he truly just forget it and stay there?
For the sake of everybody If you end up staying there, DO suggest you try to find a way of solving the problem with his grandma, She is probably very old, she will probably leave this world anytime in the next few years... Not to sound mean or anything, but is true, the simple law of life.
Maybe trying to commit him that if she DOES start talking about you while you are there that you WILL go stay somewhere else... and he will stand up for his wife...
Just some ideas
hope
Ask for permission and give them the chance to turn you down. They probably will since it is for a week versus one day and then you will have an alibi not to go. I'm sure your honey likes the nursing money and would not want you to lose that kind of income.
Don't go.
You being in court will have no impact. For all the judge will know you are his live in girlfriend or some nosy person off the street.
This case will not be decided based on how many people show up in court to support one side or another. Its not a democracy and no vote will be taken.
Tell your husband to read what I just said and don't go.
Conversely what do you care if a deranged old lady insists on looking at you while you're on the phone. If you're saying something private go in the car. Just a thought.
I know it bugs you, it would bug me. But hey its a liveable situation for a week.
As for your employer that's another reason to not go. I wouldn't.
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There's an exception to everything I say.