You know, being a second wife stinks sometimes.
Really it does.
Take this in context;
My DH and his family bought a home for the two of them (BM and DH) almost 10 years ago. DH paid on it until 2008. Then turned around and gave it to his ex, along with a brand new car.
They got the whole package deal, honeymoon, cruise, house, cars, baby and loads of things from MIL.
In THIS marriage, we had a private outdoor wedding (20 bucks), no honeymoon, not even one dam* card. What did I recieve for a wedding present from MIL?
Here's the breakdown:
1: TWO bank slips relieving me of prior debt in between DH and his ex-wife. (can you believe that?)
2: Everyday harrasement from a woman who filed for divorce, after she conviently became pregnant( yeah right) and recieved a new car to boot along with wads of monies and a few credit cards. (let us not forget the home given to her either)
So, for over two years I have been hanging out in the dust of an ex-wife. It sucks. I can't understand the reasoning of favoring one marriage (that was truly AWFUL), over another?
I haven't even ever been invited to my IL's home. :? Yet they have everyone else down to visit. I have grown tired of hearing, "Do you want this, do you want that?" ALL second hand crap either from the ex or the beloved IL's. (NO thank you.)
Being a second wife and others making YOU pay for the past is not as lovely as I once thought it would be.
Maybe I should start demanding just a wee bit more respect for myself here. After all, I saved my DH from the hell he was abiding in?
So true. I do ignore the
So true.
I do ignore the IL's as of late. Their only gift to me thus far has been the ability to "use" me to retrieve information on their son and his neverending battle with his ex. (not even a polite, "How are you?")
I see it as their loss. Sometimes one really knows how to screw up a good thing.
We lease while 2 miles down the road another sits on her tush and collects it all, via accidental offspring.
I want self verification in the fact that I had multiple chances to do the same with some "random" husband yet viewed my own BS as a treasure and never exploited myself. ie; sell out with offspring every year or so.
That's all. I've done the right thing and that is enough for me for now.
One valuable lesson thus learned is never put your faith and trust in anyone but YOU. YOU must love, respect, and take care of you first because no matter what is said, YOU are always there for..."YOU."
I have one of my own whom is
I have one of my own whom is now 19. He has been my primary motivation for self sufficency since back in the days of the university. I was thrilled to have given birth and at the same time (minus C/S) recieve my 3 majors. (at that time)
It amazes me how I can be so brilliant in many aspects yet not listen to my own gut prior this marriage.
Love is a splendid thing but we all must eat.
SA: I can strongly relate to every scenario you have described up to (yes, honestly) the comment of:
"Her gift for us was also relief for money she loaned DH to give to BM to buy her condo AFTER the divorce."
It is funny that a while back
It is funny that a while back when DH had his email war with his cousin ( who had invited BM & her fiance to come visit with all of their kids) she kept calling me the new wife & our 3 y/o new son, and bitched how she was sure that there had been bridal & baby showers for me that she wasn't invited to. I had responded back in an email that sort of made things right again that she didn't miss out of this because DH's family NEVER did anything like this for us or our child. I came right out & said that NO ONE on his family ever celebrated our marriage when it happened, his parents & his two brothers attended because it was expected. The SIL who loves BM stayed home with 2 of her 4 kids.
I only have a relationship with DH's family because I kept trying & made the effort. How sad that they couldn't just accept me from the begining because I was a nice, friendly, loving person who made their son & grandkids happy. They only really accepted me after I gave birth to BS3.
SA: I call them "Henpecker's"
SA: I call them "Henpecker's"
Odd that his 1st marriage the ex was a control freak like his own mother. :?
This "tree" however, was not to be barked at and MIL hates me now (boo-hoo) because her ONLY relative that still spoke to her has now, "seen the light."
Now she calls my husband, "crazy" Can you believe that?
Just like being called a
Just like being called a "bitch."
Fine, in my book. }:)
To my DH a month ago: "
To my DH a month ago:
" Perfecto. Your henpecking crew can kiss my ass."
Of course this made him come to the realization that he had been snowed the vast majority of his life.
Indeed it did. It was a
Indeed it did. It was a non-stop event to keep DH from "snapping", but VERY needed.
Quite necessary. I would desire someone to shed the light on me, as they say.
It depends on the ego, or lack thereof.
I have always CRAVED direct critique. It expands my foresight.
"FEAR" = False Evidence
"FEAR" =
False Evidence Appearing Real
Exactly. They are covered in it until some random party takes the blinders off. Then the said ego is normally not happy with their actual reality until adjustment is made.
Now off to swim and get some
Now off to swim and get some sun. I'm off and have earned it.
Did I mention the rash I have either because of his dog or the fleas that dwell upon it? I'm itchy as hell. (I have every medication allowed to man here)-non-contagious (damn) }:)
Then again it could be my nerves lately.
Cheers,
I relate to the inexpensive
I relate to the inexpensive wedding and no acknowledgment thing--we eloped and instead of congratulations we got a bitch fest from DH's 3 jealous, wacko sisters. His uncle (God bless the sweetie) gave us $1000. I was supposed to have a "welcome to the family party" but oldest SIL 's fight with DH put an end to that. It was all special, I tell you! But we were (and are) madly in love and none of them are happy...
Yeah all of the above for me
Yeah all of the above for me too....
And Im left living in the fn house that the previous walking anus BM lived in .... aaaggghhhh.... I left my home for this shit...
then on VD we go out to dinner....nice restaurant etc.....DH says to me 'lets go for a drink - I know a bar just around the cnr' so we drive there but the clientelle out the front didnt look the sort I wanted to see at a bar....DH then explains how it 'used' to be good when he was living over here.... I was a little confused....as I didnt know he had lived here....
Oh yes he says...lived in an apartment over here with the ex for a while....
well fuck did I start screaming....'you bring me to an area where you once lived with your ex wife on Valentines Day'????? thats disgusting....
and you make me live in that fn house that she once lived in.....
Im fn over the whole thing....I just think its about time that this DH of mine respect me and not treat me like one of the slags he was once married to....Or Im out of here....and I mean it!!!!
Phew.
Indeed it does. My DH is
Indeed it does. My DH is similar...gave the cow everything (new home, cars, kids, etc). She repayed him by lying to him and cheating on him nonstop for 12 goddamn years. Because of his divorce, his credit is now shit, so guess who goes without? Me. And our DH's wonder WHY we talk shit about the nasty bitches all the time?
liks....I know what you mean about DH taking us to places he's been with the cow. It makes me sick that he was with her! I'm glad we live where we live now----because him & cow have NEVER lived here.
I am a new SM and struggling
I am a new SM and struggling with the ex-wife. It is much harder than I imagined it would be. I understand they share a child, which is hard enough, but the daily texts and phone calls are so hard for me. I find myself imagining that they want to get back together. It hurts to even think about but I can't stop the obsessive thinking about it. BD and I have wonderful, loving relationship. Maybe that is why I get so scared, because there is so much to lose. Any suggestions on how to get over these thoughts? Does it go away eventually or stay forever? I'm having a much harder time than I had anticipated I would.
You need to tell DH to start
You need to tell DH to start setting some boundaries otherwise your feelings wont go away. The worst is if your having a fight and then seeks counsel from his ex wife OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
Thank you, it's hard to know
Thank you, it's hard to know what is too much when they are talking about their child. I feel bad being the one to say enough already.