Would you let SD16 use your car to learn how to park or NO??
I am honestly looking for insight and opinions. I do not want to be childish or immature so I am coming here bc I'm angry and confused.
SD16 hates me and I don't care for her. She doesn't talk to me and doesn't come to anything that has to do with me or my bio. She's 16- everything is me, me, me.
I guess she's taking her license test next week. FDH's truck is in the shop and he wants her to practice using a car anyway. He asked me if he can use my car tonight to teach her how to park after he drops my bio off at practice. We have had this fight before and I told him that if she can't acknowledge and respect me she for damn sure isn't gonna use or borrow anything of mine that benefits her. He let her drive my car anyway one time, had a huge fight, went to therapy and basically the therapist said pick your battles and keep your eyes on the future. Not a huge deal.
FDH claimed she's not disrespectful and said we are both "trying" it's tense and awkward and neither of us has shit to say to each other.
So he's asking this time. I still feel the same way, I don't want her using my car. I'm annoyed FDH knows how I feel and keeps asking anyway but he did promise to ask if the situation came up instead of just letting her.
Would you stick to your guns like I am so far or would you say it's not a big deal as long as he drives to and from the parking lot?
UGH
I guess I look at it as MY
I guess I look at it as MY car because I bought it myself, I make the payment etc. I agree with "ours" thats why I feel conflicted. Also his truck is worth more then my car, it's difficult to park and he just told me it's going to be done today so looks like he is taking her in his truck. I also want to add we have had the worst winter in 30 years, there's 2inches on solid glare ice on roads, sideswalks and parking lots. She has no experience I really don't want her in my car anyway but this adds to it :?
I do think I should let it go, its going to add to the resentment he has towards me knowing how I feel about her.......
I mentioned the weather and
I mentioned the weather and he didn't care, he said they are going to a parking lot thats it. I haven't said it's MY car like that, I see what you are saying. he does have HIS cars so I guess I have MY car too.
Exactly, also another piece
Exactly, also another piece of this puzzle is DH bought a car back in the summer to flip for a couple hundred bucks profit is what he told me. I was upset bc we didn't have the extra $ at the time to just throw at a car he wanted to sell. I had a strong feeling and I was right, he never sold the car. He saved it for SD16 and intentionally deceived me which he still denies and "gave it to her for xmas"
So, she really already has her own car. It's parked at his office and they still haven't done the title transfer or anything bc FDH and BM can't get their crap together. THAT is the car she should be practicing in
We don't share..yet. Whats
We don't share..yet. Whats mine is mine and his is his. He does pay the majority of the bills but I bought and pay for my car myself.
Mortgage, he bought the home
Mortgage, he bought the home before we met
No that is not my
No that is not my expectation, HE can use my car anytime and he does.
So because I live in his
So because I live in his house I have to let his daughter use whatever she wants of mine when she wants too???
I actually had this plan bc
I actually had this plan bc bio does have practice from 5:45-7:45pm , how convenient BM lives like 4 blocks from my bios practice so it's just uber convenient that FDH is willing to drop my bio off AND pick her up to make this happen.
Maybe I'm looking at this in
Maybe I'm looking at this in the wrong way (it wouldn't be the first time) but how about turning this back and placing the responsibility of what happens into SD's hands? For example, Sure I'll let Princess and DH borrow my car IF SD will do so and so (treat you with respect, do the dishes, whatever you want to put in there). This way if she does do it then you are getting something in return. If she doesn't want to agree to the terms them its in her hands that she does not have a car to practice in.
HELL NO! I saw the way she
HELL NO! I saw the way she drove an ATV, broke all the rules and broke the ATV then blamed the ATV. No one can blame me for not being devastated that they are PASed out
I'm not sure I buy the whole
I'm not sure I buy the whole "sharing" argument. (Although to be fair, my DH and I each have our own cars and pay our own payments. We do not both own both of them.) I think it's one thing to "share" a car with your partner if they need it for themselves. It's quite another to be expected to "share" with your partner's kids - the KID doesn't own squat and has no right to expect it. Even if you go with the argument that you BOTH own the car, that means you BOTH have to agree to lend it to someone - even if that someone is one of your kids. And if one person doesn't agree, then the answer is no.
For what it's worth, I have let my SDs use my car to practice driving. But mine are (usually) good kids. And THEY (the kids) were the one to ask, not DH. (And said "please" and were appropriately thankful, etc. Manners.)
>Not a huge deal. FDH claimed
>Not a huge deal. FDH claimed she's not disrespectful and said we are both "trying" <
Okay fine FDH. Since you are both "trying", I'll "try" too. Take my car and be careful with it. Hopefully she will get some good practice in. Oh, and since you are both "trying" to be respectful, I expect you tell your daughter to thank me, VERBALLY AND IN PERSON LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES, for allowing her to use my car.
hahaha good one!!! That
hahaha good one!!!
That will never happen :O
Dang! Oh well, I guess my
Dang! Oh well, I guess my answer would be no then...
He's still waiting for me to
}:)
He's still waiting for me to cave
Ah! "Irresistible Force"
Ah! "Irresistible Force" meets "Immovable Object".
I’ll be sure to check your blog in the coming days to see how this plays out.
No, I wouldn't let her use it
No, I wouldn't let her use it because I wouldn't let my bio kids use my car either if their attitudes sucked.
I don't see this as a skid thing but more of a "if a kid can be respectful to adults, then they shall be rewarded" thing. No respect, no car borrowing.
I'm sorta in the same boat.
I'm sorta in the same boat. My SD15 is supposed to get her learners (but can't seem to pass the test) and wants to drive my new car. I'm so very against her using my car b/c she has parents, she can learn on their vehicles.
ETA, hubby and I have comingled finances but vehicles in each of our own names.
Yup it sucks, she got her
Yup it sucks, she got her permit late but takes her test next week. They haven't switched the title out from when he bought the car (from his coworker/friend) so she can't drive it.
I feel the same way she has her mom, dad, brother, sister etc. she has plenty of cars to learn on.
I wouldn't lend my car out to
I wouldn't lend my car out to a driving school. I wouldn't lend my car out to a random teenager. I wouldn't lend my car out to a random adult! I wouldn't lend my car to my DH is I wasn't 100% confident the insurance and his license were all in order.
No way would I lend my car out to a young woman who has been rude to me.
I would do it under the
I would do it under the condition that sd asks you with the magic word and thanks you afterwards.
Why does she have to take the
Why does she have to take the test next week? Daddy can take care of the car he bought for her and take her to take the test when she's ready to take the test in that car. There's no point in getting a license if you don't have a car to drive. And if she's going to drive the truck, she needs to test in the truck.
Right! BM scheduled it a long
Right! BM scheduled it a long time ago......apparently. She's taking the test in her moms car, I said then she should be practicing in her moms car....."she has been" I guess. Whatever this is just another issue SD16 can bring up about her dad not doing anything for her, not being there for her and not teaching her anything. I guarantee it will come up.
I made it clear that when someone is rude to me, I will not be available when they need something and that goes for anyone. FDH said I won't let her use it bc I don't like her. Whatever.
He didn't even end up taking her bc I had to take him to pick up his truck and they wouldn't have time. It also started snowing. He offered to take her today, she declined- BM is taking her }:)
Oh wait, BM has to work all
Oh wait, BM has to work all the sudden so FDH is rushing to get her from school to practice all night :sick: