I've been in this for 4 years... DH is somewhat Disney and EOWE, but he does try to teach her manners, proper behaviors etc.. He is much better than some DH's I see here.

Up until the last year or so, it has been more or less peaceful between BM, SD13 and us. EOWE became every other Saturday or Sunday as SD didn't want to spend the night- doesn't feel welcome here etc..

BM and I had a blowout, she lies to SD about me, so as a consequence, SD has decided she won't be around me. Fine by me- makes my life easier. DH sees her without me- and honestly- this is good!

The issue is DH gets a backbone and disciplines, or establishes rules and boundaries, then 2 weeks later is remorseful and second guesses his decisions. Then he is kissing her golden ass again.

for ex:- she will change times or cancel on him last minute. In the past, he has done her bidding. Now he stands up to her- and explains that everyone'e time is valuable not just hers. (she is full of adolescent entitlement and selfishness). He informed her he would not pick her up at all unless she was good to go at the time they agreed. She quite often screws with the dates and hours and our plans get derailed. He was sick of it.

Flash forward a week, and of course, now she cries that " You don't want to see me Daddddddyyyyyy. You couldn't be bothered to come get me....." and he gets moody and sad and feels guilty.

Will this always be like this? Or one day will he wake up and see that she is manipulating him?

The upside is that I haven't seen SD13 in 3 months- so NO BLAME can be placed on me. I have encouraged him to spend time with her as much as he wants.

And no- BM will not enforce visitation, nor does he want to force it since having a pissed off 13yr old is no fun either...

I think BM uses her as a built in nanny to her new baby.

I feel ZERO about whether or not she visits, but it makes him so sad and now I resent SD for making him sad and moody. He snaps out of it, but I know it just upsets him so much and he feels like a bad person.