-when we are all together, we are a family, and no-one can mess with that.
- having a fun family night, with lots of laughs and jokes, is worth all the hardache.

I stay because

... DH truly is the best man I have ever met. In every way. I love him more than I thought I possibly could love someone.

....I do feel like a "mom" to SD, even though I didn't give birth to her.

... SD needs me. I truly believe that. She's a lost little girl having severe issues with her mother. She needs a good female role model. I'm not sure that's me. Sometimes I'm positive it's not. But I can't abandon her. I won't.

...When SD uses a phrase I use all the time, or "gets" my joke, or shares my sense of humor. When I was talking about how I don't want to get too old... like joking that I want to die by the time I'm 75 and SD said, "But Stick, my kids will probably only be my age or younger, then".. with a tint of sadness !

... I never used to cry at watching old people, or seeing movies where maybe one partner dies and the other is left behind. I thought I was hard hearted or just wouldn't need a "partner" that much. I was Miss Independent!! Now I'm a puddle of mess at the thought of losing my DH. I think I'm more compassionate.

Thanks for this livebyfaith!

I stay because I have one more year of graduate school. After developing my critical thinking skills in school during the past year, I have a better grasp on how I got into a StepFamily, and I have learned how to get OUT of it and thrive in the world AND without a husband's income.

I have been married to and been faithful and loved one man with three daughters for 17 + years. It is time for me to go because I have outgrown my job here, but before I go, here is what has been my job description.

I have shown him how to take better care of himself physically & intellectually. I attempted to help him honor emotions and spirituality but I failed in that department. But I brought pets into his life and showed him how to take care of them. The pets are the ones that opened his heart up. I have shown him what courage is - I showed him how to create better boundaries so he can say 'No' to his children and ex-wife and a dozen other people. I annually showed him how to do taxes calmly, go to the Dr, and I helped him by buying birthday, graduation, wedding, baby shower, funeral and holiday gifts and cards regularly for his family. I surprised him by signing him up for a comedy class he enjoyed. I exposed him to literature, art, classical music, great movies, wines & organic gardening. I had great sex with him years ago - he can now can say he knows what love is. I have been the One to clean the toilet, to remind him drink enough water, and I even tucked him into bed and read inspirational books to him out loud. I have initiated most every and anything we have done together whether its been sex, remodeling the house, choosing a movie to watch, what we eat for meals, getting rid of rats in the attic - and all for room and board, and a purpose for my life.

I stay because I am practical and devoted and loyal to a fault. But I am calmly & patiently waiting for our arrangement to end - like everything does. I am counting on and trusting myself to settle this arrangement sensibly, sanely and simply with dignity and peace. When its over, he will have the emotional release of visiting any and all his grown daughters and their families anytime & without the strain of my being excluded. And he will be healthier and live longer with his children and grandchildren for having learned and lived what I gave him in exchange. I thank him in my heart for doing the best he could, and I now release him to figure out how to do the rest of his life on his own or with his daughter's help.

I LOVE reading this stuff!!!! How sweet!!!

Why do I stay?

Even though my DH and I have had our share of ups and downs... and boy did we have some major downs, from separating/contemplating divorce, we have always managed to pull it all together and find each other all over again. I truly love my husband. I love my SK as if they are my own. And I've been separated from MY family, so I know what it feels to not have my DH or SK's around me, and it was horrible. I now know that I have a very special place in my SK's hearts no matter what. I now know what matters to me most. And it's not about BM, it's not about the drama, it's about what I have here with me now, in this presence and for that I cherish!!!!

OldTimer
"Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow."

I love DH
and stepson is only 16 months old so he doesn't have any bad traits (yet) ...... touch wood lol
SS is extra lucky because unlike his parents I choose to love SS,don't have too just want too.....

I stay because my husband is the kindest, most emotionally generous man I have ever met. When the going gets tough with the step kids (as is often does) I try to remember that I chose a relationship with him.

A Step parent is in a no win role

... my DH gave me the greatest gift: Two lovely children. My ex never wanted kids -- didn't even want to have to care for a dog or cat -- so this has been a great time for me.

No, everything's not always perfect. Sometimes they all really get on my nerves, including my little dog. And sometimes I'm nitpicky and naggy, but the kids and DH are understanding and forgiving.

All said, I know I have a family that loves me and (hopefully) never will shut me up in a nursing home. To Straighton: Some good things don't come to an end.

I'm trying to fix it.

because there are more good moments than bad.

I stay b/c:

1) I love my husband more than anything else in this world.

2) I love the skids. They really are good kids for the most part. We have our troubles from time to time but who doesn't?

3) I truly believe that they are better off with me in their lives to help my husband guide them and raise them. BM is just selfish on all levels.

I do love my Dh and he is a good man. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that often. I am still working on the step family thing.

NOT! LOL I'd like to say because of the great sex and loads of money and constant adoration I receive for taking on my future DH's baggage. But it all boils down to the fact that he is an amazing man who truly loves me for me. I have no children of my own, so the sense of family is something I find rewarding (in betweeen the drama)And as someone posted earlier, I hope to have a positive impact on my Skids because it's not their fault that their mother is a moron.