I think that if you're talking calmly and in a non-accusatory way towards him or the kids, you're doing all you can. After that, it's up to him to realize that you are truly trying to help him and his kids.

Also, has he ever told you about how he feels about your kids? How did you react, and what did you do to make changes? If you listened to him, and do what you can to make changes that would help both him *and* your kids, then you have every right to expect him to make changes that will benefit both you*and* his kids in the long run.

Because our feelings of discontent or irritation at the skids and/or BM are inconvenient to them and not what they want to hear. Plain and simple.

It is not what they want us to be feeling. And rather than listen like an adult and actually DO something about the issues, they would rather get angry at the one person who is "different" in the world they are used to - US. Frankly, there are times when I wonder why my FH bothered to leave BM. If what BM and the skids are doing is not worth the effort to change, and *I* am the one causing him grief, why the hell doesn't he just go back to her and leave me to pick up the pieces of my life?

I am so sick of the arguments. He acknowledges that they are making him crazy but it is me who he takes it out on. Apparently there is "no point" in talking to them or trying to change things with them. I think what he wants is for me to become as beaten down by them as he is and just accept it for what it is.

I have straight up told DH "I'm allowed to feel however I want!!" in the heat of an argument. This might be a crazy dumb question but have those words come out of your mouth the fdh yet? Maybe if he hears you say it, he'll understand?

I totally get your frustrations...

You are 100% completely entitled to how you feel!!!

The first year and a half of being with my now husband were really difficult from many directions with regards to his 2 kids, and no matter what I said or how gently I "tried" to say it, he took affense, shut down, got mad at me. He is only recently been able to listen to me without taking what I say as a personal attack. I wish I could tell you what exactly it was that made the shift...but it's a combination of things.
I'll share with you what I think from my experience...when I read that you stop talking and pushed your feelings down, this is EXACTLY what I did. Stopped being self expressed and I'm telling you, not only will it eventually ruin your relationship anyway, it will be far worse what you do to yourself, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. I actually started to get physically ill and I am not a sickly peron at all. I became depressed, and I have no history of depression or depression in my family. I lost my appetite and could barely eat. It was literally killing me.
I eventually went into therapy a few months ago because I was at the end of my rope, and it was my last ditch effort before I left the marriage. I've gotten support and a safe space to express my feelings. My therapist shared with me that blended families take about 4 or 5 years to settle and resemble any close to a family unit, I was shocked and relieved at the same time. I no longer felt like a failure since after 2 years, we were not a "family", at least for me, this did NOT feel anything like a family. I felt like the intruder, outsider, I was lonely, exhausted, unfulfilled, unappreciated, uncomfortable, miserable...I could go on and on. And this is nothing like my personality AT ALL, I assure you.
My therapist also suggested couple's therapy, which we are now doing. And, regardless of how my husband reacted to my feelings, I started sharing with him I how felt. If I can pass anything on to you- don't suppress how you feel. It won't do anyone any good ESPECIALLY YOU.

This really is an issue between you and your husband. For so long, it looked like the skids were the problem, and I'm not saying they make it easy, because they don't, and often they make it worse. You and your husband being on the same page will be the thing that makes the difference. And that includes being able to listen to eachother, get where the other is coming from and move forward as a unit.

I suffered so long in this household...and I just found this website, which makes such a difference. I hope this helps, and message me if you have any questions.

Best of luck to you.

I haven't read through all of the responses, but my SO is the same way. I can't bring up Skids to him (unless I am telling him how wonderful they are) without being attacked, and him saying how awful I am to them. I have never been ANYTHING but nice to them, btw. He is SO defensive of them...he is kind of out of touch w/reality when it comes to them. Like he will say they are doing well in school, and I see there homework, and it is almost all Ds and Fs. That is just one of many, many examples. But I totally feel ya. It sucks.