I am new on here so please excuse me if I do not know all of the terms to use on here. My DH and I have been married for four years now and in that time our relationship with my SD's mother has improved enough that we all can hold a civil conversation without it turning into a yelling match. However, the one thing that has been a constant since day one is that it has always been about money and what we can go above and beyond to do for my SD's mother and not my SD. Her mother has even gone as far as exchanging gifts that were sent for my SD in order to purchase things for herself. As my DH and I live across the counrty from one another so it makes things a little bit hard in order to see my SD as much as we like but we try our very best to go back to where she lives to see her, bring her out here etc. as much as possible. However, with every attept we make we run into road blocks with her mother. There is always a condition to having any type of relationship with my SD, such as you need to pay for school lunches, I'm enrolling her in dance class you need to pay for dance class and everything she needs to go along with it...You need to pay for daycare.

Because my DH was one of those men that just wanted his ex out of their life as fast as they could get them when they divorced he ended up paying in cs what most people would pay for 3-4 kids. We did end up having the CS reduced due to me being laid for almost the last year, but it was not by much. So two months ago when my grandfather passed away and my Dh and I had spent just about all of the money we had to our name in order to go back home for the funeral, BM knowing the situation, called us up as we were leaving for the airport telling us that my SD's lunch money was in the rear and we needed to pay up now.

I guess the long and short of it all is that BM hangs my SD over our heads like she is a prize to be won and if we are not giving her money that is above and beyond the CS and the personal things that we give her then she cuts off all contact to us. So I guess my question is, as cold as this might sound, at what point to you say enough is enough and just give up more or less trying to have a relationship when it's always about money and nothing more? If you were to know me you would know that I am relentless when it comes to certain things and that the words give up is not something that I say or do. However, my DH and I feel like after everything that we have been through over the last 4-5 yrs, since I have been a major player in my SD life and even before that, that we have actually gotten to a point where we are ready to throw in the towel and tell BM that besides what we are suppose to pay in CS that is all we will be doing from this point on. I know that sounds heartless in a lot of ways but we have tried so many things on so many different levels and nothing works...not even giving in and paying money that she asks for. I don't want my SD to grow up and not know us, but for the last 5 yrs b/c of BM all she knows us as is the bank.