When the step child spends more time with you than their father
I feel like I have approached this from every angle but clearly not getting through or ???
Frustration central as I have tried many times to say this is not my job, "I have raised my kids and its time for you to do the same"
The father works fulltime as do I , but then he has a family farm and it seems every time it is his weekend their is farmwork that has to be done ... then their is this seemingly unspken expectation that I am ok with working around the child and being the adult on parent duty.
We have had yet another shit weekend of this (on my birthday)..I have also told him that the reason I dont see much of my grandchildren is that by the time his weekend is over I am feeling suffocated and overwhelmed from having a child around constantly... she is 10 and lately very clingy. He said he found this upsetting that I blamed his child for not seeing mine WTF!
The rest of the time our relationship seems great but this is getting the better of me and I dont know where to go from here.
Any ideas and approaches that work?
You need to tell him that you
You need to tell him that you will no longer babysit his child. If he has other things to do than see his child on his weekends, which is what they are for, he needs to make other arrangements for her.
There is just no easy, light way to approach this. He is taking advantage of you and no matter how you approach it, he is going to go on the defensive, gaslight you, and claim that you hate his child. It really has nothing to do with the child (but he will make it so), it's just that it is not your responsibility to watch her. And this "unspoken expectation" is rude and disrespectful.
He said he found this upsetting that I blamed his child for not seeing mine
Oh, HE'S upset? He doesn't get to be upset, you're the one being used and disrespected.
In your other post, you stated that you had made it clear to him that you were done with parenting and he claimed that he did not expect you to parent his daughter, yet, he has put that upon you, anyway. There's a name for that.
You're going to have to be firm and mean what you say. He won't like it but if you don't put your foot down, he's not going to stop taking advantage.
It always catches me offguard
each time its "im just gotta go down and set the irrigation/move the pipes blah blah " so each time "just gotta" like it's 5 minutes ..but its like 2 hours at a time .... i think part of it is that this is also his way of parenting "being onsite"
Why wouldn't he take his
Why wouldn't he take his child with him to the farm??
I would set the boundaries again (ie the skid is comletely his responsiblity) and then go away the first weekend so your DH has a full weekend on his own with his kid to get used to it. After that, book lots and lots of things on the weekends you have your skid ie hair appointments, catch ups with friends etc.
And then every time you are at home and he says he has to go to the farm you say that's fine but you need to take skid with you as we agreed.
"Go ahead and take her with
"Go ahead and take her with you, please".
You know that it's not going to just be 5 minutes, insist that she go with him. Even if it were 5 minutes, so what, she goes with him.
She can go with him to do chores on the farm.
She can go with him to do chores on the farm. She is 10, if she can't help him, she is old enough to entertain herself with a book or her phone. This would be a great way for them to connect and spend time together.
Next time he says he is leaving, grab your keys and beat him out the door!
I agree and been trying to
I agree and been trying to promote this
He needs to take her to the
He needs to take her to the farm. If not, back to BMs she goes!
we live on the farm
we live on the farm unfortunately atm, childs mum in hospital this last visit
regardless ,, its not your
regardless ,, its not your job! i got stuck in the same rut with exSS14 when he was younger . DH worked all weekends ,, but its amazing he still found the time to go drink with his mate while leaving the skid with me ,, i work full time also. The last time he ever did it , i told the skid to get in the car ,,, i dropped the kid outside dads work and drove off
You need to make plans for
You need to make plans for the SD weekends - girlfriends, family over-time, shopping for the next few weekends. It will help you stick to your guns. When he says he just needs to... I have plans, darling, you will have to take SD with you. It will also help to start the routine that where DH goes, SD goes.
Listen to all these wise words
Make him take his child. Even if it means that you get up at the crack of dawn at the weekend to beat him out of the house.
Plus it would be great for the child to spend time doing chores with dad.
Throw this one back,
Throw this one back, thereluctantsm.