What is it with Dh's
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Why do dh's have to change so much when skids come? Why can't our life just stay normal just like it is when they are not here? Dh never stays up late yet fri, sat and sun he was up til midnight and never even bothered to come to bed with his wife. I don't understand why things have to change so much, I HATE change. It's like I just get into a routine and them boom he goes and screws it up. Also thinks I have to cook a huge breakfast everyday that skids are here. If cereal is fine for my son then cereal shud be fine for them as well. But his whole demeanor changes when skids are with us, why is that? Am I missing something?
How often does he see his
How often does he see his kids?
Maybe he wants to spend more time with them, and when everyone else is in bed, that's a great opportunity. It doesn't infringe on any other "family" activities or time (although I understand you don't like going to bed alone.) It's quiet, it's just him and his kids, and maybe this IS his routine. Every other weekend, he stays up late and hangs with his kids.
You don't have to cook a huge breakfast. Have him do it. EOWe can be "daddy's breakfast time" and he and the kids can make it.
Try to find a way to meet the needs of both of you. Compromise. Get creative.
EOW he sees his kids and
EOW he sees his kids and sometimes it goes to 3 weeks but it for some reason still aggravates the crap out of me that everything has to change when they are there. Why can't we just stay normal? On a normal night he goes to bed with me and we have "our" time when skids are there he doesn't even bother. I have a hard time trying to deal with this kind of stuff, not sure how to let things go or just go with the flow.
Sorry, I can understand he
Sorry, I can understand he doesn't see his kids enough...but I think he is wrong. He is letting them know that once they are there, you are no longer his priority. That is wrong. Some BMs may like this and see it as "he is spending time with his kids"...sorry, that is wrong. You go to bed with your WIFE, not your kids.
With that said, I am not sure why you haven't put our foot down. Honestly, when my DH's daughter visited and he allowed her to come into our bed, I told him quickly she was NOT allowed in our bed. Then he would put her in her bed and although she didn't cry, she would ask for him to come to her room...he would go and sometimes fell asleep there. I got tired of it. So, when she would leave, I would go and watch TV at night and "sometimes" fall asleep on the couch. Of course, 9 times out of 10, he would come ask me when I was going to go to bed because he didn't like to sleep alone. I just said nothing. Eventually, he got the hint.
Sorry, this is wrong and he is setting you, your bios and his kids to think that kids come before wife and thus it is WRONG.
ABSA-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!!!! You
ABSA-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!!!! You are dead on girl!!! I dont care what anyone says your wife and marriage comes first! Kids grow up and move on with their own lives. Yes, when they come to visit you spend time with them etc. BUT that DOES NOT mean that you NEGLECT your wife and marriage to do so! I agree, DH is teaching these kids that she is basically a second class citizen in their house when the skids are around! NOT COOL! I feel for you
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN...NOW!!!!
^ YES ^
^ YES ^
When our skids come my SO
When our skids come my SO goes into "friend" mode. We are only friends. He will sometimes sleep out in the living room with them as well. I told him that if we were going to be in friend mode for the summer he needed to pack up and go to his mothers with them.
Honestly, I would bring it to
Honestly, I would bring it to his attention and ask him why this happens. If something really bothers you that much it is NOT insignificant and you are his wife, you have a right to know why this whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act takes place...IMHO
I can totally relate
I can totally relate
Um WHY does he expect YOU to
Um WHY does he expect YOU to cook a full on breakfast? If hes so keen on that idea then he can do it himself. Nothing like being told you have to do something which makes extra work for you to get those resentment blocks building. I would say "sure DH. What are YOU going to cook?..." then if he responds with an attack or moaning "Well You want the breakfast." Then busy yourself with something, he will get the message and you will avoid an argument, if he tries to argue with you just repeat the above and dont rise to his barbs.
I do understand why he wants to spend what time he can with his child, however problem is all these seeminly *small* things all add up leaving you feeling like a neglected favoured toy, one who is pulled out and played with but put back in your box when the skids arrive. Your DH has to maintain some sort of balance.
I know my own DH was guilty of this. He would neglect me sometimes in favour of his son, even when I was sick. One time I was lying upstairs in severe pain, almost couldnt walk, and DH didnt once check on me for several hours because he had ss. I find that type of behaviour strange, while I would never have expected him to be attached to my side, holding my hand for the duration it would have been thoughtful for him to ask if I needed a drink or anything, to check and make sure I was ok. I know I would if the situation was reversed. He usually would. Not when his kid was around.
Things like this men need to be told otherwise they just dont get it. I definately also think showing HIM what it feels like to be dropped may get the message to strike home. With my DH, on many things he was SO stubborn he would NOT see my POV...not until I gave him a dose of his own medicine. He didnt like it. Says it all.
They do it because they feel
They do it because they feel guilty that they aren't with them every day, so they feel like they have to entertain them and give them what they want.
They have to be up their butts the whole time and it leaves you feeling tired from it all or like an outsider.
I stopped entertaining along with him. I thought it was normal at first, then I got smart and the naive glasses came off.
For a while I felt left out even though I was choosing not to be involved, but now its a relief. I get more time to myself and I don't feel rushed and tired when they are here. I don't have time to be a party clown. I have stuff to do.
Dad will either figure it out for himself because he gets broke or tired. Either way, don't be the buffer for him to keep doing it. If that's how he's going to parent, let him do it on his own.