After high school things slowly got better as they realized I wasn't really the Ogre they thought I was but some steps never get along with them. However I'm fairly sure that the step-parent refused some tenative peace offerings which could have resulted in better feelings.

Remember these are kids and especially kids under a lot of pressure when their parents aren't together and may be publically hating each other. We forgive kids. We forgive kids almost every crime and give them second chances as adults. Step-parents can do the same and usually the kid follows suit.

I think you need to really think about the feelings you are having and how they are directed. Sure you don't "hate" your sd, while still realizing most of the things that bug you are not her fault. Define the true feelings and then work on ways to improve them. I know it's real easy to say "I hate her" but do you really?

My Sd6 hated me at first, she spat at me, kicked me and tripped me up, not a good start, I spent some time alone with her, picnics, bike rides that sort of thing, she realised that I was'nt evil and our bond started to grow, what has really helped is that I am now on equal footing with her father, I can discipline her, tell her what to do etc.

Her father used to guilt parent her, with time and lots of talking and some rows, he is pretty normal with her now, it has taken time, now her behaviour has improved it is easier to like her, well I love her now.

My mistake was that I did'nt ask for respect from the word go, I let so many things slip, so that I was so angry and resentful, I blew up, I can't tell you that its been easy, but it is now.

So my tips are insist of being respected, its your home too, so you should be able to ask her to stop doing something or to do something. Please talk through some ground rules, ask your husband to speak to you privately if you disagree with a decision, plead your case by speaking calmly, don't give him an excuse to walk away or start a useless argument.

You really can be a good female role model for this child, my Sd has changed so much for the better, her mother takes good care of her, but they don't have conversations, or go anywhere other than shopping.

I hope this helps, Im not saying I have the answer, I can only tell you what has helped me.

Don't beat yourself up. It took me a long time to come to the realization that what I am feeling is pretty normal. Just look at how many people on this board are going through the same things.

I think what it all boils down to is this: It's very challenging to raise a child that is your own flesh and blood, so it should be no wonder that when the kid is not even yours and you're dealing with all of their crap ... it's very difficult. Then, for many stepparents, add into the mix an unsupportive spouse that sides with their kid in almost all situations, and a crazy bio-mom that you have to deal with on a constant basis.

Sometimes I look at my situation and wonder, why didn't I realize it would be like this? But again I think that's unfair. You can't know until you experience it.

Try to give your SK the benefit of the doubt. She has been through a lot of stuff. Just hang in there. Things may get better as she gets older. They may also get worse ... as they did in my siuation. As someone else said, at some point in her life she will mature and realize you were a pretty darn good stepmom, and maybe then she will appreciate the things you did.

I found that my SD 13 likes to do arts and crafts so thats how we strated bonding. We both like to scrap book, she just asked me the other day if we could do that! I was happy that she wanted to spend time with me. We get along well now. It took a few years to get close, but we did it! I just have to be patient with her and know that its not here fault that she has a crazy mom.

Its not here fault her parents broke up, I am so careful to never bad mouth her mother, I wouldn't like it if someone said something about my Mom! Her mom is jealous of my relationship with my SD, oh well. Dad moved on and married me, too bad for her.

My husband, me and her now have lots of fun with her. We try to do fun things together when we have her. We've been having a great summer so far!

My step sons won't be my step sons for much longer (SOMEBODY GIVE ME AN AMEN!!!) but I do feel I have a good relationship with the older one and his wife. They are NICE PEOPLE and we have a lot in common - values, work stuff, etc. Them, I will miss.

The younger one not so much - he could fall off the planet and I wouldn't care. NOT totally his fault - what was done to me was done by his parents but the kid was taught to be a manipulative, mean, entitled child and he ran with it and is now a mean, manipulative, entitled "adult." I HATE him.