The biggest narcissist I have every encountered is the woman I refer to as NPD BM - my SDs' mother.  She ticks every single box, particularly grandiostiy, entitlement, greed and self centredness.  She is currently staying with a man she despises, solely for his money.  

I learned about Cluster Bs while dealing with YSD and her mental health issues. That's when the light bulb went off about OSD.

As a kid, OSD seemed different; bi!chy, very selfish, and prone to angry outbursts followed by sulking. Flat affect, socially awkward, no friends. She also showed zero empathy or interest in others. But my in laws just pretended everything was fine and ignored her tantrums. Neither BM nor DH addressed her issues. And there was always a reasonable excuse offered - she's just a teen girl, she's a busy newlywed, she's a new mother, etc.

The anger got worse, OSD went on Paxil, her first H left her. Thankfully I only saw her at holidays. But when social media came along, I noticed how distorted her self image was. Me,me,me,me.  She posted her nickname as Beauti, and shared other things that were ... off, even for social media. About how attractive she was, her favorite song that talked about the color of her eyes, etc. Everything was about the glory of OSD. And when we moved to be closer to her and the gskids, her narcissism became quite obvious. She's gotten more covert about it, but gets too comfortable and the mask slips, especially after a few glasses of wine. Sees people as tools/resources, will exploit family for personal gain, uses anger to control, and loses interest when supply is cut off.

It was rather fascinating to observe OSD close up, because I've never experienced anyone else like her. She's an uneducated ignorant SAHM, but absolutely believes that she is special/superior, and entitled to be celebrated/supported by others without any need for reciprocity. She is utterly shameless. With age she's made some effort to conceal these beliefs, so she does have some social awareness, but she's a narc to the bone. Gratitude and charity are alien concepts to her.

OSD is a devoted mom, but takes on her kids accomplishments as her own. The birthday parties she hosted for them were cheap, pot luck gift grabs, because OSD is all about receiving. Never a stereotypical party with lots of little kids, but lots of adults, mainly family. SD would email lists of what the gskids wanted to everyone - different lists to each of us for more swag, no duplicates. Then she'd start putting away the food before her guests were done. At one party, the bargain brand chips ran out so a SIL went into the pantry to get more. OSD had plenty of the more expensive kind, but snapped at SIL that those were for HER family! So not only did her kids get prezzies, but OSD got enough leftovers to feed her big blended family for a few days for free.

When OSD had her second wedding, she hit up relatives to help pay for it, and it was both funny and sad. Remember, OSD is a narc with no career or friends, so there were maybe fifty guests, all family. The registry was filled with expensive items (and who would spring for a 3k patio set after they already helped fund the wedding?), and she spent the majority of her budget on dress/hair & makeup/clothing for the combined brood of kids. The ceremony itself was lavish - beautiful city church, formal dress, religious service - but the reception was a skimpy affair held in a large shed about 25 miles away. Both bridesmaids (one was a cousin, the other a stranger) left almost immediately. Bathrooms were in another building, and there was no AC. The groom sat with his brothers getting drunk. I'm sure you get the picture.

I haven't seen OSD in nearly a decade. I'm glad to get the opportunity to write about her occasionally, though. Forgotten examples of her narcissism come to mind and confirm that I was right to remove her from my life. I think many stepparents are expected to tolerate individuals we'd never associate with otherwise, and OSD certainly qualifies.

Of god was dumb enough to have 3 kids with her knowing he had no love for her no intimacy and she used him as an atm... she sabotaged his career their whole marrriage because she enjoyed abusing and torturing others.

eventually hubbys dad told him he needed to divorce her, she didn’t deserve to be married to him and was destroying his life. At that point, hubby stayed married for the sake of his kids “you know that 1 family home concept” except clearly there was no united family.

when hubby told ex he was divorcing her, project psycho bitch was in full swing...

she played the poor innocent victim single mum bs and how she couldn’t be bothered to care for 3 young kids who were 13, 11 and 4 at the time. Hubby got awarded sole custody of ss.

fast forward to the week divorce is finalised and she married her ex hish school sweetheart who left his wife to marry my husbands exwife while kids were in school (they didn’t even know mummy was dating and cheating on their dad whilst married before the divorce), bio mum waits for kids to come home and says “you have a new daddy”

bio mum had sd24 about 1.5 yrs ago message my husband with some sob story she doesn’t think her marriage will last. Does my husband give a shit? “F*CK NO!!” She demanded sd transfer some of his assets to skids (property he bought post divorce) which she still says hubby owes her, hubby owes her for life now...

every year sd messages hubby to remind him of this, its so pathetic and boring. As a precaution, because exwife has brainwashed and controls his 3 kids, hubby used a decent chunk of his retirement savings to buy a home for me and my 2 young kids with him in my country, something skids and exwife can never touch or get control of. Hubby has appointed me to recieve 100% of his pension savings because 2 skids are adults and another will be 15 soon whilst our kids are 3 & 4.5

hubby doesn’t trust any skid to manage his estate because he knows exwife controls them and exwife and skids would make me homeless and run off with all the money and hubby wants to avoid me being a widow, 2 young kids and fighting for my and my kids rights in court...

even now its the same shit. Exwife realozed since hubby divorced her that is income has increased 10-fold and thats not factoring in yearly bonuses which average 2-4 months sometimes... meanwhile she’s married to a policeman, basic salary, basic home and police quarters... its bruised her ego that hubby is living it up.

remember narcs are all big on images, their image to others matters. She soent her whole marriage to my husband bragging how upperclass and refined she was and rubbing it in their faces how much money she had