Unlikeable SS10 but I'm trying!
I'm seeking advice or even reassurance that what I'm feeling is normal. I've known my stepson since he was 3 and now he is 10. (I got married 4 years ago.) It seems as the years pass he is becoming more annoying and unlikeable! At 10, he is still throwing temper tantrums that would rival any 2 year old. He is completely helpless (I can't find my socks, my tooth hurts, where is my shirt, I can't cut my meat - you get the idea.) Tonight he cried because hubby wouldn't take him to the movies. He reports every activity we do to his psycho mother (a whole other story in itself) and I have reason to believe he took my planner and gave it to her. (He denies it but for some reason she has info on me that was written in there!)
Hubby is loving and attentive but too indulgent in my opinion which I've stated to him. His response is I don't want his time with me to be negative. We have 50% custody. I told him its our job to teach him how to survive and make good choices. For christ sakes - the kid is 10 and still can't tie his shoes, ride a bike or even walk right! I try to teach him to do things himself and give him positive reinforcement when he does - but he's still so babified. I just look at him and count the days till he's gone so the crying and helplessness stops. What do you think?
Have you thought of him being tested?
My own daughter suffers from a developmental delay. She is only 7 (will be 8 in a few weeks)
I would have not thought of this until you said walking. Walking is a gross motor skill, babyfying would not affect this in my opinion.
I understand that it can be frustrating! I look at my soon to be 8 year old and think that she should be better off, she is only being treated for speech.
Maybe BF should take him to the doctor to see about a developmental delay. Also, these therapists can show you (and Daddy) how you all can help him. AS in NOT do things for him.
I always tied my daughter's shoes because it was faster. Now, after 2 weeks with her grandma, she can tie them herself because grandma showed her then expected her to do it herself.
Just a thought... 10 is a little old...
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Sorry - I may have gone a
Sorry - I may have gone a little overboard in describing my SS. When I say he doesn't walk right - I mean that when he's upset he starts dragging his feet and pouting. But I do agree he needs to see a therapist- I've been trying to convince the hubby. I think SS problems are all emotional (he does okay in school.) His father reinforces his helplessness w/ attn and always helps him tie his shoes, etc. Thank you so much for your advice!!!
Getting a parent to see that
Getting a parent to see that their child is not developing normally isn't going to be easy. You are in a difficult position because DH sounds like he's in denial, and isn't going to be happy to hear suggestions from you about getting a professional to assess him. Once he is ready to stop being in denial, hopefully he'll want what is best for his child and pretending these issues don't exist are not helping him. In the real world, no one is going to make excuses for his child's behavior and dad is not preparing his son to be able to function because the urge to guilt parent is so strong. He sounds jut like my ex, who was in denial about his son's inability to emotionally develop. He was perfectly content to have his child live with him for the rest of his life if unable to take care of himself. This may be how your DH feels as well.
That is my biggest fear -
That is my biggest fear - that my SS won't be able to take care of himself and will live with us for the rest of our lives!! And you are right on about in the real world, no one is going to make excuses for his son's behavior. It's hard since I came from a very independent family - I've never seen such helplessness in a child his age!
I like that !! Hey what is
I like that stepping stones!! Hey what is the name of that book you are reading? Sounds inspiring....
Sounds like the perfect book
Sounds like the perfect book to me! I am going to order it today off Amazon! Would love to hear any other good reads you would recommend. Thank you!
Get into therapy yourself.
It being unlikely that your husband will submit to therapy and even more unlikely he'll let his son get involved you need to start it yourself.
Start with a general marital therapist preferably one who specializes in step-families. Hopefully s/he can give you the insight needed to get the others to attend.
But go alone if you have to. In a month or two you should have a lot better idea of where this is going, what can be done about it, and what option you should take.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
Thank you - I did go to one
Thank you - I did go to one session, but think I need someone who specializes in stepfamilies like you mentioned.