Tutor or Wii?
As some of you have already read about me...most recently my SD7 is failing in school this year. This has been an ongoing battle and BM was to have gotten her a tutor back in Sept./Oct. of last year and has still not done this. We have called professionals etc. and DH has even offered to pay more on top of the already $30.00 monthly toward a tutor that BM never got.
SO Last night DH was talking to SD and she told him she got a Wii. Hello!!!?? Don't those cost around $300? Just checking... If BM can't afford a tutor or the $275.00 Sylvan assessment then how in the (bleep) can she afford a Wii? Mind you that CS is on time which includes DH's half of tutoring costs!
So I tell DH that he needs to email BM again to ask this very question. He says "well, BM's parents were in town and probably bought it for SD." SO I SAY!! Well if it were my kid and my parents I would have already told them that my baby 7yr old was failing out of school and was was going to have to be held back and thank you but could you buy her help with her education instead? Not to mention- if she is playing the Wii then when will she work at home like the teacher said needed to happen at the conference regarding her poor school success??
We live 700 miles away or we would at the very least be willing to study the entire time of our parenting time but that can't happen.
So do you think that DH is right to leave it alone or should I press him to do what I think is right and force BM to start giving a crap about SD's education?
Your dh definitely needs to
Your dh definitely needs to do something.. I would contact a lawyer and see if this is a form of neglect.. (not encouraging an education) and then see if you can file for custody.. then you can do right by her.
Just be warned.. I bet that when sd is in her teen years, is uneducated and rude, BM will want nothing more to do w/her and will dump her on you and your dh.
I love your answer
I love your answer frustratedinMA: "this is a form of neglect". Some parents think that these games are so cute for their child and let them have fun b.c. of divorce...blah blah blah. These games are proven to 1) lower academic scores 2) cause injuries in wrists, etc. 3) increase violence via modeling. Still my swins are able to play XBOX Live 6 hours a weekday, 10+ hours weekends, although one is failing in school and dirty looking 24/7. Time for dinner? Says I'll be there in 10 minutes when I "win" this game... 20 minutes go by and still playing. . . Sick from school = 8 hours playing xbox. I am going to bring up that this is a form of neglect, esp. if homework & school aren't important to DH & twin. One swin knocked other unconscious & had to go to ER, I said, take away the violent video games & let's start church every Sunday until they model appropriate behavior, DH didn't--said boys will be boys and the reality is while they play he's watching tv sports or napping uninterrupted.
Unfortunately,
You cannot force the BM to give a wit about the child's education. One of the things I would do is stop sending the extra money for the tutor that doesn't exist. Unless and until the BM can produce a tutor, she doesn't need the extra money. The other thing I would do is explain to BM that until the child's grades improve, she needs to take the Wii and any other fun little gadgets away. Of course, you can beg, plead and state your point of view until the cows come home and if the stubborn, don't-care-about-her-child's-welfare-and-education BM isn't willing to do something about it, your hands are tied.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Lazy, good time Charley
parenting. So sorry you are having to go thru this kind of thing.
He talked and it blew up!
DH emailed her his opinion about CLEARLY stating first that he was not trying to get into her financial business and what she spent her money on was her business but that she had stated that the reason she didn't get a tutor was because she couldn't afford one but a Wii?
So now BM is saying that she is against Sylvan because she said that it would make SD "hate school" but then later in an email said that it was because SD was immature and it wasn't a teachablilty issue according to the teacher so she was just going to hold her back a year.
What??? This was the same child that the psychiatrist said was very mature for her age and manipulative??!!! Okay and when SD was watching movies like 13 going on 30 at home and BM was questioned her answer was that SD was "mature for her age" and when SD knew about situations going on between the BM and DH it was not that it was told to her but...you guessed it "she's just mature for her age and figured it out".
The teachers (old one and new one) both have said that SD gets down right defiant when she is told to do work that is hard for her. Does that sound immature or manipulative?
Maybe I am wrong here but my gosh!!! Are you kidding me!?
I agree
with Crayon! There some psychosis there somewhere and I wouldn't b able to handle it. Save yourself sweetie.
Love it
hooters or a pole dancer! That cracks me up.
Its hard...
Its hard, but remember...BM does not (or shouldnt) have any control in your house & you dont have any control in her house. We had to come to that realization in our lives as well when it comes to the skids and their homework or schooling.
Hubby has joint custody as well, skids do not do homework as EX never enforces it nor thinks its necessary. Skids are both failing in school. We have had many discussions with the school & set up tutoring for the skids...it can happen right at their school, right after school 3x a week. BM says no, they come home after school, no tutoring as she doesnt think it is needed. Figures they will out grow not wanting to do homework and apply themselves eventually...12 & 15 yrs old.....AND there is NO cost to it because it is a highschool student wanting community hours to graduate.
Since we have done the best we can and BM refuses to work with us to do the best for the skids, we wash our hands of it. There is no sense in beating your head against a wall when you are going to get nothing other then a migraine!!
Sorry, this is probably something you didnt want to hear; but its reality. If these BMs worked with the father and ACTUALLY wanted the best for the kids, we would not be posting on here.
Corie
Ego trip at cost of childrens wellbeing!
Corie is a 100% right...Seems like B.M always ahve to have control rather its healthy or not!
I am currently going through the same thing almost cause B.M decides she wanted to home school the past 2 years, come to find out she JUST enrolled them in home schooling in Augest of 2007( been out since 2006),
School is very important... I think some B.M are just down right lazy( atleast the one we deal with is)!
And to them it does not matter as long they have final say and are in control regaurdless of who it effects.. I think its a ego trip at the cost of the childrens wellbeing sometimes!
" This is not the life I ordered".