You're the adult. Presumably, you're paying a good chunk of the expenses on the home. Take your home back!

It is obvious that your mental health is being seriously damaged by staying in this situation. You are peeing in a milk jug to avoid leaving the bedroom and taking so many anti-anxiety pills that you cannot get up and do things.

Where can you go from there if you do not leave? I'm worried for you.

OMG, why are you still there?

As a fellow bedroom dweller, please get some outside help! I myself choose to be in my bedroom to avoid the sd15 and her constant trashing of my house, and eh choosing not to do anything about it! But I also have a bathroom and mini fridge. You need your base needs met. This IMO, is doing you more harm and zero peace and nothing about it is getting your sanity back!

I can't seem to stop thinking about you and your situation. Probably because it looks similar to mine.(bedroom dwelling) Please let us know how you're doing! Disengagement is to give you your freedom and sanity back that the skids have sucked dry, not to turn you into a self induced prisoner in your own home.

you are the king or queen of your own house. start acting like it.

i used to be like you and tip toe around the skids when they were staying with us. i stayed in the bedroom afraid to disturb their royal highnesses. this did not last long.

eventually i owned the authority i had in my own home. i did not cater to the skids schedules (who were sleeping in thanks to being hung over), and i got up when i wanted to. i did chores on my own schedule. the skids expected me to be silent until noon while they sobered up.

bm even told dh how i should set up my house for the comfort of her children. i laughed and did not even dignify her comment.

I endured years of being trapped in the bedroom EOW - it's no way to live - just about OK but not very, if its only once per fortnight. If it's most of the time, then IMO it's time to act to end this, as it's no way to live.

If it's that bad that you're using a milk jug to go to the bathroom, changes need to happen and fast. How old are your steps?

Does your husband support you? My guess is no, since you're in your room peeing in a jug.

It would be a very cold day in hell before I would be trapped in my bedroom, peeing in a milk jug, due to a step kid.

Seriously, WTF?

And, there are solutions. Take your home back, for one. You are choosing to stay in your bedroom.

You need to do something, if this is affecting your mental health this bad.

OMGosh, don't do this to yourself. Only you can correct this.

I don't want to sound harsh; buy you are doing this to yourself. Take control of your life. Flush that house out!

Taking control of your own life is very difficult. Once you set your boundaries and stick to them, they will either like it or leave.

Think of it like saying "no" for the first time; it gets easier each time. Do this! Don't lock yourself up anywhere.

I took the opportunity, at a family meal, one morning, (37 years ago) to set it all straight. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't tell DH ahead of time, I just did it. Little did I know, it was the beginning of hell for me. Things got rougher, but now it is peaceful and much easier. It never stops with skids, but you can level this out to your benefit.

You have to protect yourself at whatever the results will be.

Stay here for support, vent here, and keep us posted.

((((hugs))))

I do this occasionally when just the skidmarks are there and I can't look at them any more (not the milk jug part). The best thing I ever did was buy a house with a master bedroom and attached bathroom, it's a MUST for a "blended" family!! Please start looking for another place where you can be comfortable

Look, I am all for the option of being able to retreat to a sanctuary like a bedroom when overwhelmed. But, taking it to the extreme point of not leaving to go to the bathroom and popping anxiety pills. That your husband would allow you to isolate yourself so drastically and not try to have compromises in your home speaks pretty poorly of him.

I mean, I get it, I'm a bit of an introvert and being around a lot of people and especially people I don't like is hard. If it is my CHOICE to go have a quiet time in my room and read, then I shouldn't be given any flack for it. But if your husband is allowing the children to make the balance of the home uninhabitable for you... so your isolation is practically not a choice. that's bad.

You need to work with a therapist to learn how to assert yourself in your own home. You should be able to go to the living room and say.. "adult swim" all kids go to your rooms to hang out. Or.. out of the kitchen, I'm cooking etc... Perhaps one of the solutions would to be let the kids have a TV or their video games in their room? When they try to camp in the living room.. redirect them to their own well appointed hangouts.

Beyond that.. whatever the kid is doing wrong.. address it with either the child, or your husband. If he won't back you up with the kid, HE can clean the bathroom floor misses or whatever else the kid is doing.

Again, I am an absolute proponent of a step parent being able to disengage and go off to have some alone time in their room. But I wouldn't term it so much hiding as recharging. Your situation seems rather extreme.

Man or woman, doesn't matter, you should not feel bullied into staying in your bedroom. You are going to have to show your step son who's boss. Don't let HIM run around the house like it is HIS domain.

Hiding out in the bedroom is just giving him more power. Take your power back.

Peeing in a cup stuck in a room is where I would draw the line. I wouldn't even care if I lived a cardboard box. You are NOT living. Go. Anywhere. Why would you even do that?! You always have a choice. At this point, any choice is better than pi$$ing in your own bedroom to avoid humans while being amped up on meds.

Really. Anything.

Seriously, be grateful that it’s only every other weekend. I live with a stepkid I can’t stand full-time.....been doing it for eight years.

Every other weekend sounds like heaven to me

If you can find a bus station or train station...pack a bag, two or three and go to your family for the holidays.

It is disgusting and frankly gross that you wrote you use a gallon jug since you don't HAVE a bathroom. are you saying you do not have indoor OR outdoor plumbing?

Where does the child bathe and go to the bathroom. You do realize not having plumbing is a real issue when a child is present.,,,correct?

Just curious does your spouse appreciate that you pee in a jug and then what??? Do you cart it out to the bathroom once your SS is gone? What about needing to have a number 2? Do you put some paper down on the floor like you would for an animal?

If your spouse was doing these things would you respect her more or less? Would you want to be intimate with her considering you knew she was squatting in the corner peeing in a bucket just so she could avoid your kid? I mean seriously? Does your room reek of urine and feces because you have such "anxiety" of seeing even a mere glimpse of your SS to use the restroom?

I think this might just be a unicorn.

Thanks cooookies

This person is disgusting.

Sprinkles too advise only.2 and I agree.

OP, we are in the same boat, I completely understand. I began hiding six months ago, tho I do have a master bathroom. I arranged my work hours so I am asleep most of the time when Killjoy is home and awake, but that means I also almost never see my DH. And I have to hide most of the day on alternate weekends. I'm working on ways to get out of the house those weekends, which means I see my DH even less. I dread school holidays.

I want to banish Killjoy from our home, but sending her back to her mother is not an option. I am an introvert. Killjoy has always been belligerent with me, but she really traumatized me when she sexually abused my GD and lied about it, then got caught stealing repeatedly from me and MIL, she invaded every corner of my bedroom in doing her thieving, she never wanted to have anything to do with me but she wanted to go through my things. She lies with no compunction. At first, DH accused ME of lying, in front of her. When all the sh!t when down she was completely shameless, still very much in my face, still very entitled. A switch flipped, and after 8 years of taking her abuse, now I just f*cking hate her. I can't stand the sight of her, the sound of her, the smell of her, the idea of her. There is no turning back from here. DH is now finally working to correct her behavior but it is too late. She is who she is, and she is gross. She disgusts me. It is her attitude. He says she is better but from what little I have seen, that glint of ugly malevolence is still there. She's done this so many times before, and as soon as she could get away with it, she has always reverted to her usual bad behavior. She gives me the creeps.

I have a good friend who works for the DOC. He has his degree in criminal justice and abnormal psych. He says personality is SET by age 7.

I know what happened to you but I don't know how to fix it. Killjoy is 13.5, so I have 4.5 years till she is finished with highschool, which is an eternity, and even then I don't know what is going to happen, community college or away to university, and then home for visits or not. I vacillate between thinking DH is worth waiting for, and thinking he's not. I told him if Killjoy or BM do one more thing, I don't know what will happen, I almost feel like doing something drastic. Then I feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship that causes me to fantasize, however briefly, about standing in front of a moving train or going on a killing spree. DH did put Killjoy on notice that if she does one more awful thing, he will banish her from our house forever, so now he thinks she won't do anything. I don't think she can help herself, she has a compulsive need to invade others' boundaries, like a freaking serial killer. Just like BM.

DH says he understands how I feel, but yet he wants us to have a happy family Christmas together. I don't want to watch the revolted, enraged look on Killjoy's face when she opens any gift she didn't specifically ask for, to her exact specifications. She can't hide who she is from me, and I get along with everyone else, so I know the problem isn't with me, except maybe I waited too long to disengage. MIL and SIL have seen it too, which helps.

OP, it isn't you. You have a long wait ahead of you, and if I were you, I'd take my credentials and get out of Dodge.