Three words of advice for dating single parents
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Don't do it. The only exception is if the person with kids is widowed and the kids are good kids who were raised well or their kids are now independent adults with their own lives who are good people. Otherwise don't waste your time.
I agree. Widows are much
I agree. Widows are much different than divorcees with children. Personally I grew tired of hearing about how the kids father (her ex) was abusive, a loser, horrible towards her, etc. one minute then how he's a great guy the next when they were hanging out and getting along. Her kids also were not good kids. They were very entitled. They could be a nightmare to be around at times. The result of lax parenting and spoiling on both of their ends.
Agreed. Not to mention them
Agreed. Not to mention them never having time to do anything, always being late for everything, having to pay for them and their kids and be subjected to their abuse. No thanks. Oh and you are never a priority but you are expected to make them your number one priority. Love yourself enough not to be in a situation like this.
Idk, i've heard that if you
Idk, i've heard that if you date someone widowed then sometimes you have to compete with a saint and they overcompensate by putting the kids first always.
I do agree on people who demonize their exes when it suits them but then expect their new SO to put up with entirely too much from or about the ex, also when it suits them. Which is it? Are they the enemy or are they your super close BFF/ex?!
I think it boils down to, some people are good partners and some are not. If it's not the kids or the ex you are dealing with, you will have problems with friends, in-laws, or coworkers. Some people just don't know how to set boundaries and give their partner proper consideration and attention. That may be how they got to be single parents in the first place.
It's like some people will take good care of their car, whether it's an old beater or a brand new luxury car, no matter how busy they are. Some people will treat their car like a trash can, no matter what. It's like that with relationships too i think.
^^^^^ This, 100%.
^^^^^ This, 100%.
Not all men with kids are
Not all men with kids are like this - the key is to be honest with yourself about how he parents and what his kids are like. There are plenty of divorced men who parent and can put a new partner first.
I agree completely
Having a relationship with a divorced dad was the worst dating experience I've ever had. Hands down. I had to seek therapy because of it. There are wonderful single parents that are out there of course, but I would never take a chance and put myself in this situation again. I would rather be single for the rest of my life.
Amen to that. Couldn't agree
Amen to that. Couldn't agree more.
Nah...i still wouldn't do it.
Nah...i still wouldn't do it. Lol. I can't compete with a ghost and I'm not dealing with grown kids who don't want me there and use grandchildren as pawns.
:(
I'd just like to say there is opportunity to have fulfillment from being with a single parent. Nothing worth something comes easy.
My SO now, has been a dad to my children for 2 years, they go to him for everything. They feel completely stable and secure now and I thank him for being the man he is. He didnt have to take them on as much as he did, their dad was still trying to be involved at the time. I attended mediation with the BF and when he wasn't standing by his agreements with paying very very little support (£7 a week), I cancelled his visits. He received papers to go to court and never did.
Sometimes he pops up out of the blue but I've never undermined my SOs parenting, I never feel I have to. I advise him sometimes of their personalities and what will work better. There's always the chance when the children get to 16 they seek out their BF, and that may hurt him but they will always be encouraged to remember who wiped their noses, carried them when they fell, cleaned their sick and play fought with them.
You cut out their bio father
You cut out their bio father because he wasn't paying support and replaced him with your SO?
Frustrated...
I have life experience with the widowed dream.
Completely trust me when I say that it is no better. The only difference is you live with the saint on the pedestal as opposed to the former spouse kicking and breathing. The destructive behavior has the same result...just a different street taken to arrive there.
It is truth the problem lies with our significant others/spouse not the birth parent nor the kids. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misinformed. People who become upset because we set boundaries are not looking at or accepting the reasons we had to set the boundaries to begin with.
As people who are functional as parents and just human beings, it is each of our responsibility to parent reasonably and healthy. The goal should be to develop healthy, functioning, independently living adults who are respectful.
The focus of our issues we believe are with the step relations must be squarely recognized and dealt with. Until we acknowledge and accept the reality of our situation with our partner we cannot expect anything improving.
When people show you who they are....believe them!
Divorced or widowed, the
Divorced or widowed, the critical success factors for having a successful equity life partnership with a prior relationship breeder is confident standards based parenting and well controlled and well behaved children whether they are adults or kids. And, putting their relationship and partner above all else.
I would not write off a prior breeder either never married, divorced, or widowed. As long as they meet the stipulations above.
Don't take the widow/widower
Don't take the widow/widower road. True that you don't deal with an ex, but you have to deal with a saint, abusive kids, family friends, in-laws and family members. All of them paddling to a situation that no longer exist. You will feel alone so alone in this road.