Hi and welcome. Take a deep breath, you will find lots of support here.

"He wanted a sex slave who would be a free nanny and caretaker of his kids!" Yes, this is where you welcome him to 2017 and this new thing called equal rights. Sit him down with a plan and calmly discuss a fair an equitable arrangement that you are happy with. However you are talking more about the welfare of the kids than your relationship with their father, so it seems like there is more going on here, are you afraid of this man?

I understand that this situation has frustrated you and I also understand that you have strong feelings for the girls, but I am very concerned over your talk of suicide. I think that it is time to put yourself first and seek professional help asap. These feelings of despair need to be addressed for your own benefit.

You gotta get out of that relationship. If you’re worried to leave because of the girls, what do you think suicide would do to them? You would still be gone and they would be devastated. You need to take care of yourself first and leave that situation. Maybe he’ll buck up without you doing all the work around the house. But honesty, what happens to them can’t mstter at this point, you need to do what is best for you.

Please read around this site for a bit. Your're not alone and unfortunately your situation will not change as those are your bf's kids,so therefore you have no say in how they are raised. The best thing would be to get out of the situation so it stops affecting you daily. If he's abusing his girls, report it. If he's just a douche bag, be glad you're done with it and didn't marry him or chose him to have bios with!

lawyergirl, i feel for you. many of us have felt this way. believe me.

even with education and intelligence, you cant deny what you feel. most psychologists will tell you depression is anger turned inward.

your bf is not a widower. a widower is a man whose wife dies while he is still married to her. maybe your bf likes the drama and pathos by identifying as a widower. he is not.

the girls are sad they lost their mother. this is understandable but you are not their mother.

you are angry and resentful. you said it all here:

"He wanted a sex slave who would be a free nanny and caretaker of his kids! He and his wife were divorced, and then she passed away about two years ago. He doesn't lift a finger, except for working and paying the bills."

you dont seem to be as angry at the girls as you are with bf. you are the unpaid maid and sex slave. you dont feel loved and you certainly dont feel appreciated.

in the end you must decide what to do. you are not married and these children are not your responsibility.

get some help in counseling. do you think there is anything unhealthy in the psyche of your bf? you can explore this in counseling as well. there is hope in the despair. again many of us have been in these shoes.

in the end you are only obligated to your own health and sanity.

Please don't consider suicide - I had a suicide in my immediate family and it's awful for those left behind. Plus for you it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Don't stay with this man who's doing nothing for anyone except himself- you deserve better.

"Ask your dad"
"Your kids need you to make them dinner"
"I'm not with you because I feel the need to mother your kids"
"Can you parent your kids into helping around the house? I'm not the maid"

You know that you are being used, only you can do something about it.

The kids are not your responsibility and should not affect your decision. I know that you care about them, but they are not yours and you do not have to sacrifice yourself for them. They have a father, and even if you don't think that he's a good father, he is what they've got.

You are not trapped and if this situation is making you feel suicidal, you need to get out of it. You've been with him 15 months and now know who he really is. He's not going to change. You need to leave.

Since you've identified what you believe to be the reasons why he's with you, my only advice is to part ways, especially since you've mentioned he isn't a good father. That alone will drive you to depression.

first of all - "I'm really down and depressed lately. Almost suicidal at times, which is totally not normal for me: I'm an educated professional woman with a ton of friends and a good life (until I started dating my BF last year)." i think you already know the answer. your relationship with him is not healthy for YOU. you need and DESERVE to be healthy - you need professional help.

secondly - if you left, you would NOT be abandoning the girls. the household would run the same way it did during the nine months your BF had them all by his big-boy self. you are doing a BIG disservice to them by living this way, for them to grow up thinking how you are treated as a wife/partner is NORMAL and perfectly acceptable. SHOW THEM OTHERWISE. it may give them the courage in adulthood to leave a relationship that destroys them mentally/emotionally and are treated as a doormat.

YOU deserve to be healthy and happy. and so do the girls.

Unfortunately, you can't save the girls when you are drowning yourself (figuratively speaking). You can't care more than their own parents do either. Suffice to say that it's quite likely the girls will be just fine and daddy will pick up the slack or his EX will fill in, or he will find another poor girl to fill the slot.

You can't save the world. You have to take care of yourself. If you truly feel the girls will be at a dire risk you can report to social services to do a home check after you leave.

You can not save them, been there done that, when they turn 18, you were nothing to them, (in my case) until they need something.