Thoughts on how to handle this situation with SS14
DH got a VM this morning from BM saying to pick SS14 up at her house instead of school this afternoon. The reason is SS14 was "to tired" to go to school. BM then went on to rudely say SS14 comes home tired EVERY Sunday night after hes been with DH for the weekend and that DH needs to put him to bed earlier from now on.
When DH picked SS14 up he told SS14 what BM said and SS14 denied this. SS14 said the reason he did not go to school was BM over slept. DH asked SS if DH should call BM out on this and SS said no.
So BM could be lying BUT very unlikely. More likely SS14 is lying.
DH and BM HATE each other and DH avoids ALL contact with her unless necessary.
I think DH should call BM back regardless how they feel about each other and tell her what SS said to call SS out on a lie.
DH does NOT want to contact BM about this. DH thinks he should just tell SS to be careful what he says around BM( like SS tired after DH visit) so she can't twist anything and make problems down the road(family court)
Thoughts?
Your dh needs to bury the
Your dh needs to bury the hatchet with his ex if he doesn't at least try nip it in the bud the kid is constantly going to play each parent against each other.
NO, he should not call BM out
NO, he should not call BM out on a lie. You don't know if it's a lie or not. In our case, my SS lied all the time to both parents and it caused a lot of unnecessary conflict. We thought BM was lying but in the end, SS was saying what she said he said. SS might have very well told BM that DH allows him to stay up very late to justify not wanting to get up Monday morning.
Your DH is right about this one. If he feels confident that he's not letting SS stay up too late to get to school on time Monday, then he should just ignore.
It’s NOT BM who we think is lying BUT SS
I feel DH needs to put his Hatred for BM on the back burner and confront BM about what SS told him to call SS out on his lie.
DH feels he needs to just Ignore it since he can't stand dealing with BM in turn making SS think he got away with the lie.
I feel regardless if two people are divorced AND hate each other if they have a kid together there needs to be some sort of Communication between them or the kids will just play each parent
I agree with DH. She won't
I agree with DH. She won't listen, because she wants to believe that DH is a terrible parent and she's probably enmeshed with SS so will take his side anyway. Your SS sounds a lot like mine. It never got better, he's still a liar at 20.
He can't get into defending himself, it's pointless
Hmmm I think I agree with OP
Yes BM may not believe DH BUT by acting like DH believe's SS's lie will only Encourage SS to lie more. If DH just sent a Quick email to BM about what SS said as just a heads up AND let SS know DH is doing this. If SS knows DH will be following up on things he tells him it may make SS think twice about lying. Just my two cents
He doesn't have to act like
He doesn't have to act like he believes his lies - it's SS he should confront about it, not BM.
It won't make a difference, because BM will just tell SS that DH is lying and she believes SS. If your ex is toxic, trying to co-parent is a waste of time.
If you are dealing with a
If you are dealing with a HCBM, it's not worth it to confront her.
BM makes claims all the time about things SS14 says to her, when DH asks him about it, he'll always deny it. If DH says anything to HCBM she'll either claim that DH "heard him wrong" or that SS14 was lying to DH.
In my experience, women like these have a casual relationship with the truth, that is, the truth is very fluid for them. As annoying as it is to let them lie and get their way, it's not worth the hassle of dealing with them.
I would keep avoiding her.