Exhaustion = arguments. I am done being submissive!!!
I have been finding it comical lately when DH gets moody and snappy with me because he is tired (back to full time work a whole week now... boo hoo!)
He was on the phone with BM when I got home... she was demanding my phone number (which I provided already but she probably did not save as an act of rebellion) and whining to him about how "things went down" in the past (7 years ago) and how it is hard for her to accept me. He always placates her with the "yes" and "I understand" before he hangs up to avoid a BM meltdown. I told him her boyfriend goes camping with the kids and DH doesn't have his number in case of an emergency. The boyfriend gets to sit happily in the shadows while BM expects me to have to answer to her. No thanks. Unless a skid breaks a limb or is being airlifted to the ER, I am not contacting her. We have set call times when the skids are with us so she should never need to call me. I get wanting to have the number "just in case" but like I said, I gave it to her long ago so she just wanted to whine last night.
I was irritated by it and last night just the way he got snippy with me for being annoyed, walking around with his bravado, it just struck me as f'ing ridiculous. He walked away from me in a very rude manner when I was talking and I followed him, which made me feel like a pathetic puppy. I told him quite frankly I am a prize, I go above and beyond for him, I held him down when money was tight, I am great to the kids and have helped him out in many binds, I am smart, attractive and have my shit together and I will be fucking damned if he uses "I am tired" as an excuse to be shitty and dismissive toward me, his WIFE, another day-- and to hear him be soothing and respectful to BM on top of it? Not cool.
I think he got the point because he straightened out his act real quick and was polite and attentive after that. I really am not asking for much. Maybe 10 minutes a day of him making eye contact and caring about what I have to say before one of us runs off to work.
It is amazing how much gets accomplished when I take the emotion out of it and speak to him with conviction. I am just done getting weepy over all of this.
I think this website has helped me get to that point of "taking my power back" so to speak.
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My DH gave my number to BM
My DH gave my number to BM years ago. She had phone issues & lost it. She'll never get it back. If there's an emergency, she can talk to DH. She has no reason to contact me in an emergency, as I can't do a thing because I have no legal rights regarding skid. Block BM. That's what I'd do. It's your number, you have every say in who you give it to. That's not your DHs call. I'd be pissed if my DH gave BM my number, but a lot of sh** has gone down in my situation that I want nothing to do with BM.
Sorry you are having a bad time of it. You shouldn't be in the position where he's all calm & kind to his ex, even defending her wanting your number this defending his ex, while being a sh** to you. Am I taking it wrong? Or is that what happened? I do NOT respond well to my DH defending his ex, or his ex's requests or actions, when he should be defending me & mine. Don't put up with that, if that's what happened. Doesn't sound like you did put up with it. I'd make it clear that sort of thing shouldn't happen again, that's he's married to me & should have my back.
He sincerely sees it as
He sincerely sees it as "damage control" and believes he might as well "yes" her to death and then hang up, because there is no rational thought with this woman. He figures it is a small price to pay to occasionally placate her. He is TOO DAMN COMFORTABLE with me. I will tell you that. It is going to stop though.
My DH was very bad with this
My DH was very bad with this in the beginning of our relationship. He still has his moments, we still have arguments about this stuff, but he's trying & doing better. To be honest, I think he's only starting to understand all the damage it caused to my relationship with his kid & that's a large part of why he's working on it. I guess it goes with the territory, because I read so much of this on here.
He's trying to avoid conflict, but all he's doing is creating more at home. It's not wise. I'm wondering if he doesn't understand how much damage that stuff can do to a marriage, your relationship with his kids, & how much resentment it leads to. Hes not doing anyone any favors by placating BM, not really. The longer he does it, the harder she'll take it when he stops. He will have to stop, to have a relationship with another woman (if he wants his new partner to be happy). Maybe he needs counseling to learn how to stand up to her.
You're right, and I do hit
You're right, and I do hit him with a lot of info at times. I do just feel very dismissed. I told him I need a little bit of one on one every week... it cant just be him sleeping or sulking on the patio, staring at his phone. There has to be effort on both parts... I am tired of feeling like it is 80/20 with us...
I messaged the jealous bitch my number.
That is definitely food for
That is definitely food for thought. It is time for me to let go and pull back a bit because I am too frazzled. It is a constant state of stress for the past year and I know I am not the woman he married. I am on overdrive all the time.
Give her a new number--your
Give her a new number--your google voice number that is. Then you can screen away to your heart's content. I especially love the "announce your name" feature. }:)
But yes, your DH is being too "step 'n' fetch" to the BM. Chef used to do this all the time. Meanwhile, StepDaddyBigBucks sits back and basks in the glow of the "BM Stamp of Approval" (TM).