dang - it's not normal for bio's to be like this cause we can parent them as bio parents...

but when it's a skid... you have no say cause you are not the parent. How to resolve your little issues

1. call her back and ask her to clean it, if she ignores you call her father and tell him to deal with it.

2. see above point and nothing helps - take soaked face cloth gather all the hairs and then trash it all

3. do not acknowledge her ignore her and turn your back on her..... if DH acknowledge her, simply say - that was totally rude and walk away

4. ask her nicely to clean, she will ignore you and then make her father clean it.

5. lock up all food not meant for her, if she wants special food her Daddy can go and buy her some, with his money and not the joint money or yours.

Sadly, these are all "normal" teen behaviors. They're gross and rude and eat everything.

I agree with Acro. Defer most of these issues to her father and lock up/hide food you don't want her to eat.

Yep... sounds like me and my sister at that age. Also sounds like DH at THIS age. But because I love him and I know I do things that drive him crazy too (like leave cabinets open), I just let it go.

You, however, do not have to let it go because I imagine you don't care for your skid the way I do my husband and my bios. Except I would go one step further and have DH clean everything instead. I wouldn't bother asking the kid. Eventually DH will get tired of it and tell her to do it.

Sounds like my girls. They don't "notice it"... .but they notice it when I tell them to get their butts in there and clean it...

Sadly, these are all "normal" teen behaviors. They're gross and rude and eat everything.
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Yep. THIS ^^^

Normal teenage behavior from teenage girls. I've had 3 bio daughters and they don't become human again until about 21. That being said, I do stay on my girls to clean up after themselves and call them back (sometimes more than once) until it is done. If we have a problem at that point you are going to lose something that you don't want to lose (make-up, phone, etc.).

Sounds just like SS15, minus the wash cloth. He doesn't use soap.

Sounds like many 12 year olds.

Give her increasing consequences until she gets it.

1. Leaving long nasty strands of black hair in the bathtub and sink.
Use funky washcloth from item 2 to clean up and leave in her room for her
2. Leaving soaking wet washcloths just lying in the bathtub to get funky.
Fixed-- see item 1
3. Walking into a room and instead of saying hello or just speaking like a normal human, standing there making dumb noises/faces/movements until someone acknowledges her..
Who cares? Ignore her completely or make faces and gorilla noise back to her.
4. Constant reminders on picking up after herself or if there's a mess/something on the floor/etc., just pick it up/clean it up. Why wait for someone else do it?
Tell her anything you find will be thrown away. Get a box and put in the attic, throw everything you find in there so she thinks you really did throw it all away. If it continues after round 1 then throw the crap away.
5. Taking food that isn't hers (I like the Atkins meal bars... 5 for around $7/box. Miss Thing left me 2 from the box that I JUST bought on Sunday. She's been eating them like granola bar snacks... said she didn't know they were mine and didn't think she had to ask) Do I have to bring MY food to work with me so I'll know it's safe?
Yes, you must not put any food that you don't want them to eat where they can get it. My skids are not allowed to free eat so this isn't an issue at my house but if it was an issue I'd move my items to my locked bedroom or take to my office. Then I'd take 4 out of her 5 granola bars out of the box each week to give her an idea of what it feels like.

I was exactly like that when I was 12. Actually, I was just like that until I was about 22. And like your SD, I had a stepmother that I literally drove to alchoholism simply by existing.
The mess didn't bother me so I didn't clean up after myself.
When someone told me to clean up after myself I either got annoyed with them for being such a neat freak, or honestly intended to do what they asked but forgot. Repeatedly.
I didn't say hi when I walked into a room because I was insecure and unsure that they actually wanted to talk to me, so I would try to make them notice me, figuring that if it was an adult moment, they could have an out by just ignoring me.
I ate whatever was in the house that I wanted because as far as I was concerned it was my house and everything in it was also mine.

You're describing my house. I have 2 BDs and 3 SDs. All of this is normal.

Hide your good food, I do this regularly. Do not pick up after them. Call them out on what they did and make them clean it up.

Just ignore the weird behavior, I'm hoping they grow out of it.

It's not "normal" by any means - but yes, it does happen. I could have written this - are you living in my home? lol

1. Either have them clean the bathtub and sink. Or wash them down the drain and have SO clean out the drains when the water no longer goes down.

2. Let skids do the laundry, wash the towels and wash clothes, fold and put away.

3. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

4. Learn to leave it and ignore it! On occasion, when I am in a particular "mood" - things that are left sometimes find themselves put out into the garage or the trash bin. Or SO gets to clean it up.

5. YES! You have to learn to take your food (or other possession) with you, store it in your bedroom, hide it in the laundry room, take it to work, hide it in your car - whatever, wherever just so you will not become resentful when all your special food or personal items come up missing and then you're standing there staring into a not-so-innocent-face blinking and saying "I didn't know".

I wish I would have known even half of this stuff when Dh and I were married - it could have saved a lot of hard feelings and resentment towards the skids (and Dh). I'm still working through that (sometimes not so well either) and hoping things will eventually get better (like when they finally move out!).

You might also wish to consider getting her her own box of protein bars. There's really nothing wrong with her snacking on those for herself. I'm sure they are better than chips or ice cream. Get her her own box and write her name on it.

All normal, but it doesn't make it OK. MY SS(11) is really bad about eating all of the good food and cleanliness. I've put the brunt of resolving his behavioral issues on my wife (his BM) lately and she's starting to lose her cool with him.

DO NOT ENGAGE them whenever they enter a room making strange noises or acting abnormally. It just reinforces the behavior. I just act like I can't see him. I call it "Grenade" behavior. It's entering a room with the intention of blowing up the peace for attention. You might be screaming in your head, but you can't let them know they're getting to you.

My FSD is 13.. and SAME! I'm childless as well.. so same question applies "pushing buttons or just a normal thing?"
I think mine is part youngest child of divorce manipulation, part princess attitude with a pauper mentality.

1 & 2: Luckily we don't have to share a bathroom with her, so hair and gross moldy whatevers can stay behind that closed bathroom door until she wants to clean it.

3: Mine lurks, and will stare at you until you catch her out of the corner of your eye making some weird face. She thinks it's funny.. I think it's creepy.

4: CONSTANT reminders about the cleaning up and menial chores.. then get the giant SIGH and eye roll, or the "well, I was GONNA do that!" and the stomping up the stairs. Fun!

5: If food isn't nailed down in here, this child will eat it. Unless it's only hers, then she'll leave it to rot. I came home one day, looking forward to some lovely chocolate my father bought for me. I opened the cabinet, and took down an EMPTY box from the shelf. She ate every last piece and left me the EMPTY BOX... next to the candy that was given to her. I have found hiding spots since then. Use the laziness to your advantage.. I hide food in plain sight on the bottom shelf of the cabinet because I know she's too damn lazy to bend down and look that far.

Oh, and in response to your question... so far, I've heard this is normal behavior. Sounds like some wine is in order for us?

It's pretty normal--but there's nothing wrong with being upset about it. Kids don't like picking up after themselves. Some adults don't either.

For the food, you might want to try writing your name on it. Keeping it somewhere safe isn't a bad idea either. It's easy when they're young and you can just put things where they can't get to it...usually.

Yep, perfectly normal IMHO. All part of sharing an abode with someone else.

1. Leaving long nasty strands of black hair in the bathtub and sink.
People have hair. It clogs sinks and tubs. Set the expection that she brush her hair over the waste basket and not over the sink. She can also clean up her hair from the sink. Set the expectation and hold her accountable.

2. Leaving soaking wet washcloths just lying in the bathtub to get funky.
She can wring them out and hang them up to dry or ... she can run a load of towels/bath linens.

3. Walking into a room and instead of saying hello or just speaking like a normal human, standing there making dumb noises/faces/movements until someone acknowledges her.
Ignore, ignore, ignore... until you get irritated enough then confront, confront, confront. Instruct her on proper greeting etiquette when she enters a room.

4. Constant reminders on picking up after herself or if there's a mess/something on the floor/etc., just pick it up/clean it up. Why wait for someone else do it?
She is a pre-teen. They are idiots. Drag her back to finish the job... lather, rinse, repeat... for about a decade for most people.

5. Taking food that isn't hers (I like the Atkins meal bars... 5 for around $7/box. Miss Thing left me 2 from the box that I JUST bought on Sunday. She's been eating them like granola bar snacks... said she didn't know they were mine and didn't think she had to ask) Do I have to bring MY food to work with me so I'll know it's safe?
This one I actually agree with the kid regarding. If food is not intended for the use of all in the home at their discretion... put it in a separate area and if necessary... lock it up.

My wife upon occasion get irritated when the Skid or I have eaten something that was purchased for a recipe. She went to labeling that stuff and now I do not get in trouble for this nearly as often.