Is there any other new SM out there with Fibromyalgia? or any other chronic pain related diseases, like MS, Lupus? ADVICE??
I am a 34 yr old whom is divorced from my first husband, because he found it unexceptable that I was sick with Fibro, after I was crushed by a 1100 lb cow on the dairy farm I worked on, fracturing my spine, tearing ligaments, in my neck & back.
Now 4 yrs later, I brought my symptoms down to the best level I had been in in 4 yrs, by eating clean, & working out, slow but steady 4-5 days a week, as a bonus I lost 50 lbs.
I met the most wonderful man in the world! He is amazing, loves me & excepts me truely for the woman I am not who he wants me to be, I already am everything and more that he wants.
He has 4 great children, ranging from 6-12, 3 girls, and a boy.
Everything has been very doable for me, as we have had them every other weekend, since we have been together. The BM, is worth her own thread!!! Let me tell you she is a peice of work,,,so she does not want me near, or caring for her children at all! UNTIL this week, all of the sudden, she called and said out of no where, that we were getting the kids for 2 weeks. My fiance told me this, my first reaction was happy, until I realized that he had not even asked me if I was going to be able to physically handle tending them for 2 weeks,,,this is 4 kids.
I shared with him that I felt that he should have asked me first, as that is a decision, we should have discussed, as I AM sick, & I will be the one looking after them while he is working from 3 am until 4-5 pm .
The fist day on my own was today. If they were respectful, reasonably well behaved kids than it prob would have been a little easier of a day, but their BM tells them things, like they don't have to respect any adults, including their own BF,, UNLESS they first EARN their respect. Just as an example.
I am VERY VERY sick tonight, and was honest with my fiance & told him that I don't think I have it in me for another day in a row on my own. We live to far from any family or friends to tend the kids, so my Fiance has decided to take the 2 youngest to work with him tommorow.
Can anyone out there relate with me on the whole illness & SK issue? especially 4 of them. I love them to bits, but Physically I don't have it in me,to care for them full time for 2 weeks solid & I feel horrible about it, feel like a failure. My fiance says he totally understands, and that it is not my fault, as he knows stress is the main contributor to my symptoms. OH they have been here for a week already, but their BF was off work this past week, so had him to help out, until today. So it is not as if it is my very first day with them.
We have had no time to ourselves,,,listened to screaming, fighting, crying, tantrums for a week slready, with no reall breaks already, while cleaning, cooking, basically all the things a mother would do, but the thing is I have not had 12 yrs to adjust my body or illness, to having 4 kids full time, I DID choose this man knowing and loving his 4 kids, but having them full time was never a question. ANYWAYS just looking for advice on how to deal better as a new SM, to 4. If anyone has any, could use as much as you can give
ok, but I'm pretty new
ok, but I'm pretty new here,,,how do I do that?
First let me sympathize,
First let me sympathize, Fibro is not easy to live with and your SO should have known better than to drop his four kids on you for two weeks.
Second, have you tried Lyrica? The medication has proven itself in clinical trials as well as in day to day use for people suffering from Fibro. Best way to describe it, is that the medication confuses the nerve endings and a lot of the pain signals from muscles are blocked from getting to the brain. Resulting in fibro patients being in a lot less pain and their quality of life increasing dramatically.
Best of all, it is non narcotic, not habit forming and is covered by all insurances. Find yourself a pain management physician. (NOT a pill mill doc, a real pain doc) And see what (s)he can do for you to limit your symptoms even further. No... not so you can "deal" with the skids, but so that your quality of life improves and your pain levels go down!
I don't have stepkids (my
I don't have stepkids (my boyfriend has 3 adult children who are horrible, but that is another story). However, I do have Fibro, I have had it for over 10 years, and it is incredibly hard to deal with at times, as you know. It is one of the reasons I chose not to have kids with my ex-husband, who did not understand Fibro at all. I was afraid I would be too weak to take care of children.
I am so sorry about the accident you had. I cannot relate to that, but I know the chronic pain you endure. Fibro is horrible, esp. bc we often do not look sick. My biggest issue is the fatigue, and I have problems with my face and hands a lot.
I do not have health insurance now, but I am job-hunting and when I do find work, I need to get on some meds, bc the Fibro is getting worse. As you said, stress is my main trigger for symptoms. So, I know how you feel. I definitely think meds will help, but your stress level needs to be helped, too.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE when it comes to taking care of your fiance's kids. Just bc you physically cannot and should not be caring for them, does not mean you do not accept them. It sounds like your fiance is being understanding, and that is a good first step. He needs to find alternate arrangements for their care. You are not in any shape to take on 4 children alone. Please know that!!!!!!! You have a genuine illness that is not compatible with caring, on your own, for these kids. 2 weeks is way too much, and 2 days would probably be too much for you.
Their behaviors are not helping, and even if they were well-behaved, I think it would still be hard for you. I hope your fiance can start getting his kids' behaviors to improve, bc the kids WILL get worse if he does not.
I think your fiance needs to get some things straightened out with BM. I know that can be impossible. But she should not expect him to take the kids for 2 weeks with no notice. He needs to get an arrangement that allows him to be home when the kids are with him (or at least home for most of it). I know that BM may ignore or not listen, but your fiance needs to try.
BM sounds crazy, so she may continue to do this. You have many years ahead of you, bc they are young kids. That stress is not going to be good for you.
Um, if you want to keep your
Um, if you want to keep your health from deteriorating again, run, RUN RUN in the OPPOSITE direction from any man with a "previously enjoyed family."
Seriously. Being a SM which usually comes with having 0% authority but 100% responsibility for what goes on under your OWN room is NOT a job for anyone with health issues as it will put you in an early grave if you are healthy from the start.
Do your health both physically and mentally a HUGE favour by finding a nice CHILDLESS man to be with!!