Survival suggestions?
I'll try and be brief and to the point. This is my first entry as I only joined a day ago and technically, I'm not an official step-parent. All that means is that we are not married. However, I have lived with my BF and his 11 yr old daughter full time for almost 2 years, as BM has no parental rights, lives 1,500 miles away and is a chronich drug abuser. All the "mothering" has been left to me, and most of the general parenting too (i.e., school issues, personal problems, hygiene issues, free-time, etc.). SD had no, and I mean no manners, respect or anything before I came into the picture as her father feels immense guilt about her BM and poor behavior was allowed and viewed as ok, (she's had a rough child hood was the reason given). This does not fly under my roof and since we've moved in together the behavior has gotten better, BUT, the person skid is I can't stand. Skid has no compassion for others, expects everything to be done for her, insane sense of self-entitlement, and only displays "manners" b/c she knows I won't accept otherwise. Her father sees this and doesn't know what to do, we've done counseling, tried behavior plans, rewards, punishments, etc. The fact is skid is a jerk at the core. Doesn't have any friends b/c she throws them under the bus first chance she gets. Her father says this is exactly as her BM acted before they split and that skid is a mirror image of BM. I love her father dearly and he is concerned for her long-term well-being, but realizes that she just might have to end up being the disliked kid at school before any internal change happens.
My question... Any suggestions for living with a skid that is a total jerk, that you can't physically stand the sound of their voice, the sight of their person or even the mention of their name? I feel uncomfortable in my own house and find any reason to not go home until after bedtime... ugh.
Sounds like she needs a trip
Sounds like she needs a trip to a military school.
OMG - I literally just sent a
OMG - I literally just sent a txt to my DH - telling him that I am sick and tired of feeling uncomfortable in my house. You are a SM - married or not!! that's BULLS* - if you are raising her you are a SM. I have been a SM for 12 years we have 3 bios and SD14 lives with is FT - BM gave her - practically dropped her off w/ all her stuff; she has not ONE thing at her Moms......anyway!! I am ready to slap her silly with her know it all behavior!! ahhhhhhh. I am able to handle my DB12 just fine! She knows who's boss; but not DH's princess - drives me crazy. She comes in and I want to crawl under a rock; she is aloud to treat people like sh* unless they can do something for her. I have found that what is best for me is to tell her (make her see) that I want respect IN MY HOME! She will not just walk around like she owns the place, roll her eyes and treat people like sh* I see right thru her; besides that I 100% ignore her. not mean or nasty - I just don't even realize she is around; may sound mean - but I love my DH and this is the only way our family will work until she turns 18 and for her present - I am givin her a truck full of BOXES - GOODBYE
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. I have made it perfectly clear to sd and father that once 18 rolls around it's time for the little bird to spread her wings and fly away. I am greatly concerned about the toll she will have on our relationship in the future, like you said, she is only 11...
I am lucky in that BF realizes his part in the upbringing of child, and has said that if she ends up pregnant and on welfare he'll only have himself to blame. The sad part is this, if he had asked me to marry him the day we moved in I would have said yes in a heartbeat. Now I am so thankful that he hasn't asked b/c I would hate to have to say no simply b/c I can't take the kid anymore.
I have been reading a lot of posts and forum discussions and I do see the trend. I'm at the point where I have to ask myself do I stick it out in the hopes that by the time 18 rolls around and she is out of the house, her father and I still love each other enough to enjoy the rest of our lives together. Or do I leave now, to avoid what seems to be inevitable? Stepkids suck.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. I have made it perfectly clear to sd and father that once 18 rolls around it's time for the little bird to spread her wings and fly away. I am greatly concerned about the toll she will have on our relationship in the future, like you said, she is only 11...
I am lucky in that BF realizes his part in the upbringing of child, and has said that if she ends up pregnant and on welfare he'll only have himself to blame. The sad part is this, if he had asked me to marry him the day we moved in I would have said yes in a heartbeat. Now I am so thankful that he hasn't asked b/c I would hate to have to say no simply b/c I can't take the kid anymore.
I have been reading a lot of posts and forum discussions and I do see the trend. I'm at the point where I have to ask myself do I stick it out in the hopes that by the time 18 rolls around and she is out of the house, her father and I still love each other enough to enjoy the rest of our lives together. Or do I leave now, to avoid what seems to be inevitable? Stepkids suck.
I don't want to scare you,
I don't want to scare you, but these kids can get a lot worse, as others have said. She may still be a huge problem when she turns 18. And don't be surprised if she stays in your house. If you read a lot of the posts here, many people are dealing with adult stepkids who have never left home, have come back, or are trying to come back.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I adore him, but I cannot stand his three young adult children (18, 19, 22). They are awful. I cannot find anything nice to say, because they are just...awful. I moved in with my bf only after he promised they would not come here-ever. He agreed, and said that would not happen anyway. 2 months after we moved in, his daughter was banging on the door, demanding to move in with us. She had not bothered with him for several years. His older son has dropped hints, but not as bad as her. These are people who ONLY email or text my bf when they want money or something expensive. He never gets bday cards, phone calls to ask how he is, etc. There is no love from them at all. It is heart-breaking, but at the same time, I hope he is realizing he is entitled to be happy. They are like poison, and the BM is crazy.
I did not have to deal with these wonderful children in the beginning, bc they were not around unless he was dropping off money or gifts. As soon as they realized we were serious and moving in together, they hot crazier. So, I know what you mean about wondering if you should marry your bf. I completely understand how you feel.
I would definitely not marry him, not for a long time. You deserve to be happy, and it may be that you can't be happy with him bc of his daughter. I am in the same boat.