My thought is that you stay out of it and focus on your girls. He may connect with the kid, or he may not. Regardless, he will be paying CS. That may be an issue for you.

Just let him do what he wants to do and you stay out of it. Nothing good comes when we SM's intervene with these kids and the BM's. You need to stop worrying so much and just see what happens. I guarantee this is about the money and nothing else for the BM otherwise, she wouldn't have gone to so much trouble to test everyone....Can you say too many sexual partners here?

I don't see anything wrong with a short period of father getting to know son.

But I'm sure the little fellow is going to be excited to meet and get to know his sisters too!

Wow, what a shock.

As tough as it is right now, I'd suggest taking a step back. Let DH and his kid get to know each other and work through whatever issues exist. It's a lot easier to start a relationship when it's one on one, not one on four. Besides, this kid may have questions you don't want to hear the answers to.

Give it some time. When they seem to have gotten comfortable with each other, I'm sure the kid will want to meet his sisters!

I think the child should be introduced to all of you, as a family unit so there is no question that you are a family. He can either accept it and get to know all of you or not. Not saying he should never have any alone time with his dad, but I think he needs to see up front that his dad comes with a family.

My goodness I just want to hug you. I was in a similar situation where a fling told my BF at the time that she was pregnant with his baby.. He did not believe her and 9 motnhs later his mother called us to let us know that she had a babygirl and she said was indeed his.

DNA Test positive..It broke my heart. The relationship was over because that same week some girl said she had a 6 year son by him and he didn't know about it. DNA Positive..
Overnight he dad 2 kids and not with me ! I loved him so much but i couldn't deal with all the BMS drama..plus the babygirl was from a fling that he had while he was with me .
Big Hug..to you and the good thing is that this baby was concieved before he met you. Best of Luck.. Stay strong.

This sucks, I would be devastated :jawdrop: I'm so sorry you are going through this. There's so many mixed emotions going on in your family maybe you and your husband should go to therapy for a few sessions? I can't imagine how you feel. And IMO you all should be introduced at 1 family unit- together from the beginning and I really hope your husband is understanding to your feelings and emotions.

Try to stay calm-it may work all out better than you think.I agree with most of the posters here that a welcome in the whole family would be the right thing to do.Maybe organise a first meeting with your DH and him and he can invite the little fellow over to your house from then on.I don't think he will be a threat for your family , mainly because you all get he chance to bond with him at the same time and you will not have to face an annoying "guilty Disney Dad problem" with your SO I hope.Keep an open mind and support your DH in this if you can.

Firstly let me just say I am glad you have added an update, I have a relative who has been going through similar circumstances, however that child is 4 and the BM is only wanting the money, the child is terrified of his now confirmed father and its caused them a mountain of stress.
Anyway moving on, as horrible and confusing as this whole thing has been, for you and your husband. Lets remember he also didnt have a clue he was a father to another child and boom now hes got a son too. I get that you would like to wish it away but thats not going to happen.
The reality is this boy is your husbands son. Your husband has stepped up and paid child support towards this child and now he wishes to take the next step forward and have physical contact with this child. He has kept to emails as and when the child has contacted him for this first year period to ease everyone into the idea and now he wants to take it further. Who can blame him? I certainly cant. I think its very commendable to your husband that he has been trying to build some relationship with his son in a manner that hasnt uprooted his wife and daughters and has taken it at a pace in which the son is comfortable with.
I remember when I was between the ages of 8 and 10 I sometimes saw/spoke to my BM weekly, other times I wouldnt see/talk to her for most of a year. Thats just how it went, if I didnt want to I wasnt forced to make the contact. Maybe thats the same thing thats going on for the boy.
I really hope that you dont take what Im about to say as an insult as Im not sure how to tactfully say this but it almost reads as though you want to continue this idea of perfect family life at the expense of denying this boy a relationship with his father.
Your daughters get to have a relationship with their dad, why shouldnt this boy? More to the point your daughters now have a half brother, thats an awesome thing for them, thats a sibling, a bond between them to be as such that when they are adults they too can rely on one another.
There are naturally going to be points in this that your husband feels bad and you will probably have to talk things through so he doesnt become a disney dad but at the end of the day hes found out he has a son. Can you imagine how you would feel if you found out you had another child somewhere? A child that says they wanted to know you? (Nearly impossible for a woman I know but humour me)
Sometimes we have our dreams in life and sometimes reality likes to raise its head and remind us that we cant always have everything exactly the way we want it. You cannot continue with the idea of your husband only being a father to your daughters, he has a son too and its not fair to deny any child links to their heritage.
You dont live close to the BM so you are not likely to end up in any 50/50 custody roles but I can tell you now if you enter into this with such a negative mindset its not going to go well.
Do you think it would help you if you spoke to someone in a more professional setting? Do you want you and your husband to go to counselling as to how to best move forward? Or do you just want to be able to have an open conversation with him about how he sees this all going?
Whatever it is that you want moving forward you are going to have to just accept that this boy exists but that doesnt mean it has to be doom and gloom.

Oh boy. Why does a one-night stand with a ho' a step family make? Thinking this child is better off living the life his unpartnered BM chose in the first place. But obviously with a few extra dollars in her pocket.

Move over nuclear family.

How will your husband feel bad? Well hes found out he has a child who is 8 years old that he has never met. He has gone through an emotional roller coaster of feelings holy sh*t I have a son, to great I have a son to omg ive missed sooo much.
There are alot of posts on these forums about dads becoming disney dads; spoiling and spending kids out of guilt from leaving prior relationships and so, this is what I meant. As and when this all moves forward and your husband has physical contact with the boy then you are going to need to try to ensure that if he wants to be a "dad/father" to this child then its not a relationship based on gifts.

One other point Id like to make is that you said it frustrates you that he finally has a male child that you havent given to him. This just shows jealousy and a bit of regret here, you are comparing the worth of sons and daughters, you are assuming that he values a son more than a daughter. Ask any couple when they are pregnant whether they want a boy or a girl, some will have a preference but it doesnt mean they love their baby any less if its not their preferred gender (usually!)
You have given him two daughters, daughters that he has been able to be part of their early years and that is what he has missed with his son. Thats not your fault, actually none of this situation is your fault and in a way you need to remember that ultimately from the boys point of view it is only his father and two half siblings that hes really excited about, you are an extra.
Hes only 8 right? So hes not a teenager deliberately cutting you out, hes a child that is only just starting to have contact with the man thats his father, a child thats only just learnt he has siblings. A child that will probably have plenty of questions for you further down the line, once you have all met.

But the situation isnt the boys fault either, hes just ended up in the middle. So why should he be denied a relationship with his father because his fathers wife is insecure and feels threatened by a ten year old?

It sounds like your husband is caught between a rock and a hard place, hes trying to do the right thing by the kid, hell we all know how much society loves to slate the fathers that pay CS but do nothing with their children. And yet he wants to do it as a family, he doesnt want to cut anyone out which is lovely of him.

Would you perhaps be happier if your husband was to go and meet his son alone? Have slow gradual physical contact as just the two of them and then at a later stage if the contact remains regular have you and then eventually your daughters meet him too?

I was 7 when I found out my "dad" wasn't my biological dad. He was my step-dad (raised me since I was 9 months old).

I sympathize with your struggles! It must be crazy with emotions.

I have only one bit of advice: stop making this about you. Just for a little while. Let your DH lead on this one. At 7 years old it never dawned on me to ask about my biological dad's wife or their other children. Why would I? They were strangers to me, less familiar to me than the man who picked up our recycling every week.

I keep reading how minimized you feel. How this SS doesn't ask about you. How having a son seems to be making your DH giddy with anticipation (which maybe makes you feel like your DDs are being minimized). Try to keep it in perspective.

I wish you the best!! Please keep venting here or seek counseling, but don't expect a kid to handle your and your DDs feelings with the maturity of a grown up. This sucks for him too.