Always remember, most of the time is not the stepkids fault, is the parent's fault. Basically your husband is teaching his kid that you don't have a say in what goes on, because his dad immediately coddles him. The issue here is your husband, not the kid. Luckily you've only been doing this for a few months, so there is hope that things can be corrected.

You need to sit your husband down and have a LONG talk with him. If he wants you to be a part of his son's life, he needs to let you be a parent.

Well he's not going to buy into that idea. If its that much of a trial, and believe me it'll become more and more of a trial as the child ages, then just accept the unfortunate mistake he made back then and file for divorce.

Don't toss blame out just politely tell him its too bad but you're committed to not having children in your life and you're moving on.

If you came here to get validation that its OK not want children and its especially OK to not want to have to raise someone else's then you now have it. In fact considering how much a problem it is being a step-mother I encourage you to get out.

How often does the kid come over and for how long?

If it is not too often and not for very long...let your DH correct him. Find other things to do when skid is there.

Sounds like a parenting issue, not a kid issue. The child is two. He needs to figure out how to be a dad and he needs to support you as another adult in this child's life. Coddling him (DH or skid) helps no one.

I agree with the others. The problem is DH and not your Skid. I would definitely have an honest conversation with DH and how you disagree with his parenting style or coddling and how it is not helping the child. He also has to be sensitive to the fact that this is a huge adjustment for you.

Well no, you can't tell DH that his 2 year old son isn't allowed to come over. Depriving that child of his father (and your DH of his son) would be pretty awful of you. And I think leaving him is a little drastic as well.

Your problem here is your DH, not the kid. He's just doing what 2 year olds do. When my DH tells our DD2 "no" she always comes crying to me. (And when I tell her no she goes to him.) The issue is that you and DH aren't on the same page in terms of parenting. So, you've got a couple choices here. One, you can "disengage", which in this case means being elsewhere while his son visits. Go to a hotel, a friend's house, whatever, just don't be there. Or two, you can acknowledge the fact that what we want isn't always what we get, and try to be the best stepmom you can be. Part of that involves a long talk with your DH about parenting, what you both feel the correct approach should be, and being a united front for the kid - all disagreements about parenting decisions happen behind closed doors. But you can't half ass this, you're either all in or remove yourself from the situation. Otherwise you're just going to get more and more frustrated. (And like I said, removing yourself from the situation is the option - not removing the kid.)

This exact thing happened to me with my late husband. My late husband decided to be an absentee dad and just pay child support. The kid was 3 when we found out about him. We felt this would place unnecessary stress on the child to have to go see complete strangers. We thought it better that he initiate the relationship on his own terms.

His mother was in a relationship with my late DH and got pregnant. She broke up with him soon after and told him she was getting an abortion. He hired a lawyer who had paperwork filed to stop the abortion as a last ditch effort. Then the lawyer received a letter stating that she had an abortion. Obviously, the letter was falsified since three and a half years later, here's this kid, which a paternity test proved was my late DH's. Sick. The mother only filed for child support because she had to to get welfare.