step son
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I wondered if anyone has a step child that is just not a joy to be around. My stepson is almost three and is a huge bummer to be around. He does nothing but pout and sulk and whine whenever he is visiting with us. He won't mind us at all. My husband has started to dread spending time with his own son. If we take him to the park he tries to run away and we have had to climb up on the play equipment to drag him off of it, while he makes a giant scene. When we first pick him up from his home he won't even speak to us. He won't speak to us until the next day.
I don't know, she is really
I don't know, she is really mentally unstable. I'm afraid he has inherited her problems.
It's surprisingly how people
It's surprisingly how people can cover their insanity until they've captured a spouse. Been there, done that. Of course the kid inherits the worst from her even as a boy. It always seems to be that way.
Has your husband commented on his behavior prior to the divorce? Certainly the divorce didn't help. The best he can do now is take the kid to counseling if he can find one open on Saturdays. He shouldn't tell the BM because the crazy ones go really bat crazy if you suggest they need help and she'll be unable to accept that her kid is crazy since neither one of them are abnormal, in her opinion at least.
SD stb4 does the whining, no
SD stb4 does the whining, no talking thing to us sometimes. Kids will sometimes do the things they think they should do to please the BM. If the BM has made comments to the child about being sad or whatever when they are gone, the kids think they should act that way too. Especially if BM acting sad looks like the kids behavior. Or if the BM encourages the behavior. Or if there are times he is having fun or wants to have fun he could feel guilty about it.
There wasn't a divorce, my
There wasn't a divorce, my stepson was the product of a one night stand. We only get him for less then twenty four hours a week. Our work schedules just don't allow for time off with children.
Your husband must be just as
Your husband must be just as mentally unstable as BM. What other excuse could there be for leaving his child with a woman who he knows is crazy??? Most parents are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure their children are in a safe environment. The ones who do not are either crazy or just sorry ass parents.
Well, I have a 2 year old
Well, I have a 2 year old (bio) and she can be a real pain sometimes too. The more you feed into it, the more he will play it up!! You just have to change the subject. Try and make everything fun. With as little time as you guys have him around there isn't really time to try and discipline him without him associating you with ONLY that. If he runs, make it a game, "im gonna get you!" if he pouts, "you know what happens to little boys that pout??? *tickle monster*" Stuff like that. DO NOT feed into the pouting whatever you do!!!! Very soon he will start associating you guys with fun and will be happy and excited to see you. Once you get that, you will keep it, and you will be able to move on to more levels of your relationship. Maybe one day he will have more time to spend with his dad.
2 year old's are all mentally unstable.
My husband would coddle him
My husband would coddle him every time he would pout. I finally got him to stop that and just ignore him if he starts.
Echo, I was right there with
Echo, I was right there with you on your Points 1-3, BUT..... #4 was way harsh. Can't we all agree on how S-T-U-P-I-D men can be as to who they decide to have random sex with?? I mean, they HAVE never and WILL never connect the dots that sex = pregnancy.
I would love to throw a 2 X 4 upside the back of DH's head for having sex with a convicted felon, bi-polar, suicidal, pathological liar BM....but come on, don't make OP feel worse about the situation when there's clearly nothing you can do about stupid DH having sex WITH THE WRONG PERSON.
All men are not like this.
All men are not like this. The only men who use that dumb excuse are the ones with women who will go along with it.
Not every SK posted about here is a mistake. Not every BM is crazy. I refuse to believe that every dad here was tricked into fatherhood.
Many of the men here loved these BMs at one point in time. Things didn't work out so the marriage/relationship failed.
Being in a step situation because a loving relationship failed is a million times better than being in one because a grown as man was too stupid to figure out how to wrap it up. It's a billion times better than being in one because the man was nasty enough to have a one night stand. :sick:
I don't get it. I know some
I don't get it. I know some kids are just difficult, but after presumably this kid seeing dad 1 day per week his entire life, you'd think both the kid and dad would have figured out how to relate to one another.
It's pretty basic - adults set the (reasonable) expectations, enforce (appropriate) positive and negative consequences, and everyone loves each other even when the 3 yo is pushing limits.
Isn't it?
I thought this was a place
I thought this was a place where there was support for step parents. I guess I was wrong. First of the child simply cannot be at our house all the time. My husband's work won't allow that. We have him as much as we can, period. We could have said no thanks not interested in a child and written him off . Secondly the BM lied about her birth control and my husband did use a condom. They are not 100% effective. The child has very delayed language skills and talking to him is very difficult. I am not going to move closer to the BM or quit my job to be a full time parent. We can't do that with all the child support we have to pay.
OK onto my special needs
OK onto my special needs platform. This kid has delayed language, long periods of silence, bad at transition, escape artist, sensory seeking, meltdowns... sorry to say it but he sounds like he may have some disabilities eg a social communication/autism spectrum disorder. This could also figure if the BM has problems as some of these conditions are genetic. As a parent I would not leave him in his communication limbo even if he appears to cope with it. In your DH shoes I would force the issue with BM and liaise in order to get him assessed and then services provided. Too often people assume these sorts of behaviors are a response to the child's neglectful parenting when in fact they have an organic cause and can easily be managed, with tailored parenting. But your DH has to be very proactive and stop throwing up his hands.
There are no professionals.
There are no professionals. The BM thinks he is just normal
So BM is mentally unstable
So BM is mentally unstable and your husband is sane.
Why isn't the sane parent taking the necessary steps to get the boy the help he needs?
BM has a valid reason for not doing anything, dad doesn't.
She has two suicide attempts
She has two suicide attempts under her belt, that I know of. She also gave up her parental rights to her other kids. We are just waiting for the SC to show up on our front steps when the cuteness wears off. Right now we are trying to make the best of a shitty situation.
I had the same problem with
I had the same problem with my SD when we she was 4. BM is actually diagnosed with several mental illnesses and has been hospitalized for them. SD has lived with us full time ever since she was 5 because BM can't handle it. My SD was like your SS. Meltdowns over every little thing, hypersensitivity to light, sound, taste, resistant to every situation...just a jerk all around. YES, Echo, as a 4 YEAR OLD. Haha.
Point is, it sucked in the beginning and it sucks now. SD is 11 now and I still can't stand being around her. All these years, I have had to force myself to completely disengage from any situation involving SD. Now I just let DH be a bad parent and I don't care if SD refuses to learn the basics about how to be a good person. Even something as simple as washing hands before eating---I DON'T CARE.
BTW, I'm not so sure I'd call this a support site. It has also been labeled the "mean site" LOL and being a step has made me so jaded and cynical that I like the "mean site." Hang in there and ignore the bullshit parts of this site. There's tons of other things said that will actually make you feel better, or at least not alone.