Hi Folks. I have raised a SD from her age of 5 years old. Her biological father was mostly absent up until she hit the age of 13, at which time biofather started communicating with SD often and began promising every expensive thing possible, BMW sports car, Balckberry cell phone, laptop computer, etc. etc., only if she would commit to moving in with him in FL. Eventually at SD's age of 17 the fantasy offers included the purchase of a "country club" home and secretly planning for SD's rowdy girlfriend to come and live with her and him at this new "home" in FL, and it worked! Biofather is single and has a criminal record and is actually a con artist type guy. Anyway, with now 17 yo SD threatening to take her mother and me to court, and yelling at us for 4 months straight, we reluctantly agreed to let her move to live with her biofather as her effort in school with us went to zero and her grades were failing. We have a very nice home in VA, and the home is loving, generous, and calm. SD is our only child. We were very devoted parents encourageing and supporting all of SD's activities, friends, everything. But, the fantasy life in the "country club" home with all of the promises of expensive stuff, along with 5 years of biofather's parental alienation and constant runnig down of her mother and me by biofather (we did not do this!), well she had to move and we could not talk her out of it. The 17 yo GF did not actually move after this secret plan was uncovered and GF's parents pulled her out at the last minute.

It has been 2 years now and SD has not put any effort into keeping a relationship with her mother or me, or even her extended family around us in VA. She really is not very happy living in FL, however she is stubborn and clearly has signs of continuing emotional abuse from her father. Most promises did not come true, however SD has found that living in FL is so very easy; it's warm, no need to work, only part time school, and free access to alchohol and just bummning around as long as she remains a companion to her biofather (single, no gf). And of course the biofather expectation is that she will not maintain a relationship with us as this pleases him, as a "must win at all costs" type biofather. We do try to keep in touch occasionally and we have had her visit us a few times with mostly confused hostile attitudes coming from SD.

Is there anyone on this forumn that has experienced anything like this? I would love to hear from folks who may have seen this type of behavior with a biofather and SD and generally how does this sort of thing tend to play out? My wife and I are just left with no options and we just keep trying occasionally to get SD to communicate with us and come visit (at our expense) when she agrees. We keep pledging our love and support, however SD has completely cut us and her entire extended family in VA out of her life for now (SD is now 19). Any thoughts on this type situation and at what age we might expect SD growing out of this would be very much appreciated. And the funny thing is, up until the age of 15, SD fought us NOT wanting to go visit her biofather saying it was boring and no friends there; why the 180 reversal in her thinking?? Thanks!