Step-Dad is only child
My husband is an only child from a single mother home. His mother was less than great at parenting so he doesn't really understand the concept. We started dating when my daughter was 9 and have been together for 3 years now.
Lately it seems like he is losing his patience with her easier and tends to pick on her in little ways. For example... She was filling out school forms and he kept knocking her hand so she would mess up her writing. She asked him to stop doing this and he didn't. By the fifth time she started crying from the frustration. I understand why she cried and it was only for a minute. He just couldn't grasp the understanding of stopping when asked.
I find that he is selfish in a lot of ways because he is an only child and was always given his way. I love him with all I have, but I can't allow him to give her less attention and patience for silly little things. I have talked to him about this and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I'd hate to end a good relationship over this.
Please help me understand what needs to happen?
How old was he when she was
How old was he when she was born? My dh was 18 when ss was born. He knew nothing about being a dad and even now tends to treat ss like a kid brother instead of a son. Really, he treats ss the same way he treats his kid brother. He does things like that too. He tries to do it with our kids sometimes but I stop it. My dh is a good dad but can be immature in some ways and I think ss brings it out in him. Maybe just call him out on it and teach him different ways to handle the situation?
First off I would like to
First off I would like to thank you all for giving your opinions on this... I have been sick to my stomach about what to do.
Tx mommy of 3... He was 17 when she was born, but we didn't get together until he was 26. I did get information from "parenting with love and logic", but it seemed to be lost on him. I tried to explain that he needs to approach things in a positive way instead of negative.
Since the time we got together he has wanted to be more of a "parent" to her. To have her go to him with questions or problems. He seems to feel that she always comes to me. I can see how he will think that. I was a single mom for the first 9 years of her life. It is kind of hard to re-wire our minds to include him, but I have made all the effort I can to get her to go to him as much as she does me.
dabevans... I want to believe that it was all in fun that he was knocking her hand, but I don't. He comes home from work everyday in a not-great attitude and we give him his 30-60 minutes alone to wind down from his day. I feel if I can leave my work at work so can he and shouldn't need wind down time. Kids don't understand wind down time. She sees him come home and wants to talk to him about her day and whatever else. From the moment you walk through the door you are a parent 100%, that is just how it is. Sometimes I do feel he is being a jerk for no reason. I have tried to address this with him.
skidsmimi... She does have a lock on her bedroom door and uses it when she feels she needs privacy. If she needs me and me alone she will text me to come to her room.
Thank you all for helping. I am not worried about losing my husband at all. If he doesn't get it through his head that this is not a good way to act then he will be gone. I did it alone for 9 years... I can do it alone again. I love my child first and him second.
Sometimes I do wonder how old
Sometimes I do wonder how old he is.. I had to grow up at the age of 12 and don't have the option now to be irresponsible. Thanks for your support.
Ok so I just reread your post
Ok so I just reread your post and this whole time I thought his was HIS daughter! Omg! He is doing this to YOUR daughter! Wow. Yeah, totally unacceptable. If he wants to parent her then he needs to grow up and take your lead. Right now it sounds she doesn't even feel safe or comfortable in her own home. Hiding in her room and texting you to her? Not cool. Sounds like she is afraid of him. Have you talked to her about how she feels about him? Has he done anything else to her- verbally/emotionally abusive. Just asking because it seems she retreats to her room for a reason. Yeah, as an only child he might not know much about kids or how to deal with them, but you know enough to not treat them badly. Try to guide him and show him other solutions. You said you aren't worried about losing him. Sounds to me like you are all ready to move on. Someone posted a question on here about if you were to divorce now would you remarry or stay single. And your situation is why I said I'd stay single. I just couldn't put my kids thru a step-parent home for fear of how the person would treat my kids.
I read everyone else's and
I read everyone else's and caught on hen re-read it. I'm sure everyone was thinking I needed my head examined! I hope the op read my newer post so she doesn't think I'm retarded.