SS7 coming for 5 weeks this summer...
My SS7 is coming for the 5 weeks in the summer...Not really sure how I feel about that. Right now I'm on maturnity leave so I'll be home all summer with DD4months. We have never had SS for that long of a time before. The longest I have ever spent with SS is probably 3 days in a row. DH has never spent that much time with SS either after he and BM split. I know he wants to see his son but he's going to be working the whole time except the weekends. This was only mentioned to me so I'm not sure what his plans for SS are exactly. I won't be surprised if he expects me to watch him all day. Should I try to enrol him in a camp or something? I really don't know what to do with him all day especially with a baby. I understand everyone's DH wants more time with their children but really most of the time the SMs are the ones that take on most of the responsibility for having the skids there. Also because we only see him about once every 2-3 months right now, we have never had to make rules for him at our house before. We always took him to DH's parents house for those weekends. Is 5 weeks long enough of a visit that SS should do chores or help out at home?
Its a good idea to enrol him
Its a good idea to enrol him in something it will be good for both of you, he will have energy he needs to get rid of and make new friends, you will have some space for baby and you, You will soon run out of places to take him otherwise, discuss a routine with your partner, house rules and consequences, he will need some space too, so make sure he has things to do in his room, that is also good for you. I hope your hubby asked you before agreeing to let this son stay? If you work as a team then this should be a nice time for everyone. Yes you should definately ask him to do some chores, chores teach discipline, respect and how to look after himself. Perhaps you good give him some options and he can choose.
I think 7 is kind of young to
I think 7 is kind of young to expect to do chores, but he certainly should have to clean up after himself. I would enroll him in a summer day camp program. I would think that would be more fun for him than being "stuck in the house" with a new baby. And you are absolutely correct that SMs end up being the ones providing the bulk of the child care! My DH traveled for work and had full custody of his 15 yr old son. He had stopped traveling prior to our marriage, but as soon as I was in the house back on the road he went and left me to work full-time and care for his son!! My son was in college and I had enjoyed not having full-time parenting duties!! If I had to do it over again, I would have set really clear boundaries on what my role would be in relation to caring for his son.
My SD's are 4 and 6 and they
My SD's are 4 and 6 and they both have chores. Cleaning up after themselves and their room is not considered a chore in our home, it's a minimum expectation. They each do age appropriate things to contribute to the household when they are with us.
You should discuss DH's plans for the 5 weeks and explain that you are not able to watch him all day. It is not your responsibility to find alternate care for him, but you DO need to make it clear that staying home with you all day is not an option.
I SOOOOOOOO agree with
I SOOOOOOOO agree with you!!!!!!!!! Make it CRYSTAL clear what YOU want and don't waver! That is when you start to get taken advantage of.
Yup .. you can't get hung up
Yup .. you can't get hung up on "he should know better" or "he better not expect this", etc.
If you don't stand up and tell him exactly what your expectations are, you cannot expect him to read your mind. Sure, he "should" know, but what if he doesn't? A HUGE blow up could easily be avoided if you just clearly communicate what you want/need.
I hate to admit that I am
I hate to admit that I am guilty of this far too often. But the fact is, a lot of times, what seems like common sense to us and something they "should just know" doesn't even cross their minds.
I am too .. I think we ALL
I am too .. I think we ALL are at some point or another.
At the end of the day, we have two different brains, that apparently think in two completely different ways sometimes.
I would have him do chores
I would have him do chores that are age appropriate and enroll him in a day camp. Does your DH get off work at 5 or so? Maybe Dh can drop SS off before work and pick him up after work. He is the one that wants to see him, so let him do the work and he will have plenty of time with him. Maybe DH can take time off to spend with SS. I remember every summer my SS was dropped off at our apt the very next day after school let out and didn't hear from BM until the day before school was to start when we had to bring him back. BM wanted it this way. Summers SUCKED! SS was involved in EVERYTHING and I was the one who had to take him to practice, games, camp or day care, do discipline or listen to the teachers that pulled ME aside to tell me how SS was acting and what BAD thing he was in trouble for now. NOT DH or BM! And BM works right next to the same bldg.