Source of frustration ?
So we have full custody of Ss BM hasn't seen or even called SS in over 3 months . But then text to talk to him for the first time-today at lunch time . It's thanksgiving and people are with their families so I understand why she may be reaching out foday . But we don't see the text and don't respond right away so she has a friend call and leaves DH a message that his BM wants to talk to him . Ok? Her text by the way says "can I ATLEAST talk to my son". What the hell ?? Can she ATLEAST ever ask to talk to her son ?? So he calls her at 3 and she doesn't say much . But tells him she's going to come have lunch with him at school soon (she's can't ). Idk why this frustrates me but I'm just thinking why the HELL haven't you already tried to have lunch with him ? And we all know you won't show up !
And why is she acting like we don't let her talk to SS? We have NEVER denied a request to call . Has she lied so many times about why she hasn't talked to or seen him , that she actually believes her own lies ?
First of all, I don't mind her talking to him . But don't be rude and disrespectful during our holiday family time . And please stop playing victim . You are the reason you don't see your kid. Not me. Not DH. You. Man if people would only start taking responsibility....
Anyone else just get so frustrated but sometimes not even sure AT WHAT? Please someone tell me why I felt so frustrated by this call today ... I don't like someone so uninvolved stirring me up .
It may also be important to
It may also be important to add BM has been dodging service for CS for 8 months but was finally served last Friday . That may or may not have prompted the call . But anyone else feel like they jump to some unhealthy conclusions sometime ?
Yep! Let me guess....drugs.
Yep! Let me guess....drugs. I have dealt with a flaky addict as BM for 17 years. Same scenario for my DH and I where I had to take on the role of a BM. They play a lot of games, never follow through on promises and it really hurts the kids (and frustrates us.) I think best advice I can give is try to put it in perspective. I mean look who you are dealing with (a BM who hasn't even spoken to BS in 3 months. Sad!) Second, you cannot live a happy fulfilling life if you let BM's actions or even SS's reactions be center stage. Be extra kind to yourself, get a nice manicure, and disengage a bit! Last, encourage DH to create a log/notebook of things like this with dates in case psycho decides to try to build a case to get SS back (Yes, I unfortunately have lot's of experience with that too!) It is HIS job, not yours.
P.S. come back and vent
We keep logs still . We
We keep logs still . We actually have court for sole custody coming up in a couple of weeks . I'm not a huge fan of disengagement . I tteat him as my own , as I would regardless of BM's engagement (or lack there of). I will always protect him as i would my own ( I have BS9) .
I like what you said about Center staging BM and even SS's disappointments with her . When she marches in, I'm allowing by her to take center stage when I let her get to me . I'm still trying to come to terms with I can't protect my SS from his BM's behaviors. He will have to see for and decide for himself how he feels. I've been bringing him to a counselor in hopes he learns coping skills as he matures .