so frustrated....please help
I have read posts on this site for over a year and have finally signed up...to give a little bit of background info....I have been with my boyfriend and lived with him for almost four years....for that entire time he has been going through a divorce with his soon-to-be-ex-wife....he has 9 yr. old twin daughters with her....we waited for two years before I was introduced to them in Dec. 2009...we took it very slow with them....for the first six months in 2010 when they were there on the weekends I would come over but leave in the evenings....when he needed my help that summer....i stayed in the guest room....we thought it best to tell them that Daddy and I were best friends since he was still technically married to their mom on paper...we didn't start sleeping in the same room till the holidays.....on Spring Break 2011....my bf showed a little affection to me such as putting his arm around me (no kissing or hand-holding)....they both began to see that we were more than friends....I finally told them this past summer that we were bf and gf....M is fine with everything and we get along great...L is very possessive of her daddy...for the most part we get along well...but when she gets mad...she tells me she doesn't want me to live with them...tells her dad that it is wrong that I live with them...that he likes me better than them....doesn't want me to be her step mom, thinks its gross that i told her i luv her etc...gets mad when my bf calls me honey....her mom has told her that she and daddy are still married even though they have been going through this divorce for over 3 years (she is completely unreasonable)....and has said other negative comments about me....i am at my wits end and do not know what to do....it's gotten to the point where i don't want to be around L at all...i luv her to death and have tried to be as patient as possible with her and sensitive towards her feelings...i understand where she is coming from with thinking that i am going to steal her daddy away since my parents are divorced as well...but there is only so much i can take with all the hurtful things that she has said to me.....what should I do?
Please take into
Please take into consideration that I treat these girls like my own....I go out of my way to interact with them, spend time with them, take them places they need to go, do their laundry, and take care of their needs emotionally, physically,financially etc.
I have a 9 year old daughter.
I have a 9 year old daughter. That's a tough age. They are hormonal, and moody... and a little bratty at times. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. How does your BF handle it when she becomes disrespectful? Does he hold her accountable? I think that will be key in making it through the rough teenage years. As long as he has your back and supports your relationship, all you can do is continue as you are. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about it. If it is any consolation, girls are hard no matter what, StepMOM or MOM, some girls just have attitudes, she is probably like that to her mom too (in different ways, and if she isn't then her twin is LOL). It is up to your BF to put her in check!
he is very supportive and
he is very supportive and holds her accountable and puts her in check....i just don't know if i want to do this anymore
Just make sure that your BF
Just make sure that your BF and you stay on the same page. Also try and make sure to allow only daddy daughter time. when my future DH introduced me to his kids he had me come over everyday that he had them and leave at night and it worked for about the first month then it when down hill. Mostly because BM was putting ideas in there head, she loves to find different ways to take money/destroy our plans. So now we make sure that each of his girls get much needed one on one time with them. I watch/play with one while he will take the other out to the park/fair pretty much anything we can think of. they are doing better they youngest still hates me, but she just repeats every word her BM says but then again she is only 4. Just hang in there and keep your relationship as strong as possible.
I always encourage him to
I always encourage him to have daddy daughter time with them....when they want to sit by him no problem....when they don't want me to come along for an activity etc....no problem...i know they need to spend time with him and I try to be supportive of that....i'm just hurting right now:(
It does not take 4 years to
It does not take 4 years to get a divorce and something is wrong with this picture.
she has unrealistic
she has unrealistic expectations of what she should get....she doesn't take into effect that assets have been devalued because of the economy....she's making it difficult....
I agree; 4 years!? Is she not
I agree; 4 years!? Is she not signing or is making it difficult??
I also agree that you and BF must stay on the same page. DH and I made several HUGE mistakes that we see now.....years later and that is the first one!! Do not let them divide and conquer!!
If I could do it all over
If I could do it all over again...I would have stayed at my own place and would have casually dated him till the divorced was finalized....then I would have met the kids...but I can't do anything about it now.....my bf supports me when it comes to the girls...that's probably the only upside to this situation...