So, here's the situation. I don't have children of my own, and I live with my boyfriend with whom I have life-partner intentions. In the meantime, we have his three SKids 40% of the time. The oldest SD, 9, was from his first marriage (they divorced when she was 1), and the younger two SDs - 5 and 3 - are from his last marriage (lasted 5 years). The oldest SD is lovely - easy-going, fun, respectful. The younger two, well, let's just say I don't look forward to having them over. The main problem, as we see it, is that they don't have any rules or discipline at their BM's house. She's always refused to have rules, is indulgent, will not discipline, and always gives in to their demands.

When they were married, my boyfriend was never able to assert rules or discipline with his youngest two b/c the BM would just put her foot down and refuse. So now we find ourselves in the position of having to introduce, enforce, and be consistent with new rules and training. And when I say training, I do mean the basics: please and thank you, chew with your mouth closed, don't talk with your mouth full of food, use your utensils not your hands, you don't get dessert unless you finish dinner, no jumping on the furniture, wash your hands, no means no, etc. The youngest, in particular, is prone to tantrums and crying (usually fake) at the drop of the hat b/c it usually gets her what she wants. We've even called her on the "pretending", which she admits to. And almost everything she says is a lie, which is a whole other adventure. The 5-year old will have the same meltdowns, but she's more unpredictable. You never really know when she's going to go off.

So my issue is three-fold. 1, how do we address the bad behaviour and be consistent without being on their case ALL the time, 2, how do we deal with the fact that they might have consistency and rules in this house, but as soon as they go home to their BM they run the show, and 3, how do I keep from completely disliking my future SKids?

Help for a newbie is sincerely appreciated!