:jawdrop:
I must say that in the same way bio parents are not perfect and many times make mistakes, so too in the same way, step parents aren’t perfect and make identical mistakes. The difference however is that society expects step parents to be more perfect and make no mistakes, regardless of how long that parent has been in that child’s life, single handedly or not. Society has labeled step parents in the same category as Step White, or alike fairy-tails- automatically stigmatized and given a bad rap. NO MATTER how badly the step child treats the step parent, the child’s voice is listened to over the voice of the step parent- by default. Society will come to the aid of an abused bio parent, but never even hold the thought of coming to the aid of a step parent- weather it be emotional or mental abuse. As a matter of fact when it comes to taking sides, the real dad will attack the step-mom who is a victim of abuse by his kids, because of two words: DENIAL and MANIPULATION. The abuse I incur does not just come from the step-children, it comes from all directions. The Childs “other family” who lend their ears, and welcome the frenzy of lies and bullshit. Then after a while, friends who used to be able to come over cant anymore, you get served with papers for custody with CRAZY false allegations, you are looked at in society by complete strangers, so on and so forth. This happens because these people start to distance themselves, after listening to and believing the stepchild, and not verifying the truth from nonsense, not keeping the child accountable for lies or exaggerations. Step Children have been practicing manipulation since they got the chance to playing mommy against daddy. However, the older a step child gets, he becomes a MASTER OF MANIPULATION- not only to the step parent, but to everyone else around them. This is when things get ugly, because the step parents then feel obliged to defend themselves or obliged to stop the child from telling lies/ exaggerations (or insinuating things that are not so - on Facebook, for instance) and the minute the step parents do that, then to onlookers they look as if there is something to defend or hide. Meanwhile they just want to stop the lies or exaggerations. This is another form of abuse.

The step parents usually suffer in silence because they know they have lost any battle before it even begins. Or on the other hand in my situation, they have screamed till their blue in the face… but NOBODY listens or respects a DAMN thing you say.

I aim to blow this injustice right out of the waters, even if I die doing it, because I am an abused step parent. I have been abused for three years. The tragic thing is that I cannot free myself of this dilemma without divorce.

If a step parent disciplines a stepchild, it is automatically considered bullying or child abuse, etc, and society quickly rally's around the child and hangs on the child's every word which is often a lie or truth twisted to offer sympathy. Or in my case, you were told from get go that if you EVER touched them, you would go straight to jail. However if the biological parent discipline's or complains about their biological children then society jumps to their aid with constructive advice. The manipulating step child catches on very fast and soon you have a child who uses this weakness in society to get the wrong type of attention.

My husband is very weak and when it comes to parenting our step children and supporting me emotionally. He will say one thing to me and then do something different it in front of his son, when I try to implement what we have both discussed together the evening before. He doesn't want his son to know what he says to me when we are alone. He is totally inconsistent with his parenting. He sets himself up for failure allowing the kids to do WHATEVER THEY WANT for a certain period of time, then he just BLOWS up and gets on them for the most trivial shit. It’s NEVER consistent.

Pampering the boys and making excuses for his their bad behavior is my husband's answer to dealing with a child with attitude. He will lose his temper with me instead of with his son, who is causing problems.

I really believe that the boys enjoy watching their father and I have disagreements over them. I think it gives them a sense of empowerment and entitlement and sense of security, to know that he has got the better of me AGAIN- through his father. I think he sees it as verification that his father loves him, (enough to not care about how he turns out).
I feel I have put in enough blood, sweat and tears from my side.

The day their father disciplines them in a constant manner, is the day they will turn against their father too and show their father abuse too. Their father realizes this, therefore is willing to be manipulated by his own son - at any cost. It really is pathetic to watch. I lose respect for my husband every time I see this.

I have a good husband in most respects, so divorce is not an option. Besides divorce is exactly what the kid’s whole family, including my stepsons want.

I need my life and my sanity back.

Finally, I am not a loser stepmother. I am a winner stepmother, because at the end of the day I am the one who looks out for Devin and Jordan on so many levels and I am the one who tries to teach them integrity, and right from wrong, etc. And if anyone wants to challenge me as a stepmother, then I say let them walk as long as I did in my shoes first, then we will have another chat again after that.

I’m clueless as to what to do. I have been back in forth with my husband and all I get is empty promises and INCONSISTANCY. This is mentally breaking down both me and my children. I need help. Should I just bite the bullet and divorce?