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She's not your mother..she is only your SM......What

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 3:02pm

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BM is at it again....SD10 told her BM that her and I(SM) do all sorts of stuff together and that she loves me and wanted to buy me a Birthday present with her gift card. Well BM got very mad at SD ..so BM told SD that I am not her mother, I will never be her mother and that I have no idea what it's like to have a child and I dont know the first thing about being a mother because I didnt carry her for 9 months she did..so she is not to tell me anything at all or ask me any questions.

BM went as far as to tell SD that just because I married her dad that doesn't make me a SM...

Just a rant as it's been such a tough few months for my SD and yes for me as well..but more so for my SD...

Thanks for letting me rant... Z

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 2:23pm

I wish I had this advice 12 yrs ago when my sdaughter told me and Dd that no matter what I said I could not love her (sd) like Dd that wasn't possible.

I did not know what to say. I just said that a mother does not love any child the "same" they were all special She didn't believe it.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 3:15pm

Ah yes......the old Golden Uterus syndrome. I know it well. Not only do I hear this from Uberskank (BM), but I also hear this from my youngest sister.

According to my little sister and Uberskank, you can only be a "mom" or offer parenting advice if you've squeezed a baby out of your pudenda.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 3:23pm

It's a no win sitch. Because if you DO have children of your own (that you have raised or are raising successfully with rules/boundaries/structure, etc.) you are told:

"YOU'RE not the perfect parent so I don't need any parenting advice from YOU!"

or

"My kids are DIFFERENT/SPECIAL. . .they don't need the same rules as YOUR kids did/do"

(read: there will be no discipline of MY spawn by you, me, their mother or anyone else for that matter)

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 5:41pm

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

Just keep being your kind, wonderful self to SD. That's all you can do.

(((HUGS)))

roseslady2's picture

Submitted by roseslady2 on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 5:53pm

:jawdrop: What a... well.... horrible BM. She basically told her DD that she can't love anyone but her mom and that no one can ever love your SD. Sad! You may need to sit down with BM and tell her that you don't want to take her place and that you can have a totally unique relationship with SD that may help her with the girl. By limiting who she can love, BM is just hurting her! Sad poor girl.

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 6:56am

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions. BM knows that I am not trying to take her place. I’ve told her this over 3 years ago and to be honest I do not speak to her at all anymore as she’s always up to no good and if I or my DH speaks to her she tells SD that we are against her and we are yelling and screaming at her all the time..All of which is not true..So to avoid this nonsense everything is done via email. SD knows we are not like that but it puts her in the middle because BM takes it out on her and that’s not fair to SD...Therefore we don’t speak to BM at all or as little as possible.

I swear BM was put on this earth to cause havoc and bring unhappiness to all. She is not happy unless she’s doing something nasty to someone. I am so fed up it’s not even funny. She calls herself a mother??? I mean come on what is wrong with this woman? My SD told me that when she bought me my Birthday Gift with her gift card that when they got home her BM yelled and screamed at her and drove her back to the mall to return the items. SD told me they had a big fight in the middle of the mall as SD refused to return my gifts..(Bless her heart poor kid).

I'm very sad at what is happening..very sad.. Z

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Tue, 06/14/2011 - 12:50pm

Thanks onmyway..I totally agree with you. My relationship with my SD is precious to me and it's mine and mine only. I do not nor will I engage BM in anything at all...

Again thank you!! Z

"BM is going to catch a cold from the ice inside her soul"