Sex at home
My husband won't have sex with me when his son (17 years old) is at our house. I am very discreet and quiet when needed and I hate feeling pressured to only have sex in a super specified time frame (like it's 9 pm and he's due home at 10 pm so let's do it now). It's not sexy to me when he poses it.
I know his son masturbates when we're here and I never say anything about it. I think that's a normal thing. And I know people who are not divorced who have multiple children, so obviously people have sex when their children are around. We all just try our best to be discreet and do it when they may not notice.
But it has become such an issue that I felt pressured last night to do it before he had to pick his son up and got emotional and couldn't finish. Then I wanted to try to reconvene this morning before his son would wake up and my man just wanted to wait until after 12 pm when he was supposed to drop his son off at his gf's house and I thought "nevermind". I just suggested he take his son out to breakfast before dropping him off and took care of myself. Needless to say I was in a much better mood when he got back but then he pestered me all day to fool around and when we did, he felt pressured and couldn't perform because he had to pick his son up in an hour (which should be plenty of time to do the deed in my opinion.) It's seriously impacting our relationship. I'm trying to be understanding of his son's "discomfort" but I don't feel we've done anything wrong. He's never walked in on us and like I said, if he's here we're very discreet. I just don't get it.
It should be game on any time you want.
Regardess if his failed family progeny is the house or not. That is what doors with locks are for. And there is no need to bite your pillow. Kids should know that their parents are healthy sexual beings. I can't count the number of times I have walked in on my parents over the years. Their home, their marriage, they can do as they wish when they wish.
As should be the case for any healthy adult relationship.
Your DH has his priorities and loyalties all screwed up. That is obvious.
Time to just sit DH down and give him clarity. Part of that message is for him to be very careful about how he navigates this going forward.
He's behaving like a teen who
He's behaving like a teen who doesn't want his parents to know he's sexually active ...
Ask him straight up, "what's your problem?"
Tell him to grow up - he's an adult, he owns the home, he's married so it's kind of expected he'll be having sex with his wife - that's what committed couples do. What is holding him back? Scared his baby will hear you and be horrified?
Tell him that you feel as if your importance in your couple is being negated by him putting his baby's precious feelings ahead of your desires. That you WILL NOT have sex on your SS's schedule. That you will not have all the spontaneity sucked out of your sex life because you are only allowed to have sex according to a kid's timetable. Maybe also point out that he's quite happy to drive his baby to his girlfriend's home so he can screw her arse off so where's the problem.
Finally, hit him with the biggie - that this is a huge turn-off for you and that he'd better make an appointment with a therapist/counsellor for himself like yesterday before you go right off the idea of sex with him completely.
I don't know, i hate being
I don't know, i hate being interrupted. When my kids get home from work, they usually want to say hi, or talk about work, so they'll come knock on my door. It when ever we do it during daylight hours, they always seem to need something, clean towels (they just HAPPEN to be out when I'm "busy"), or when SD is here, she literally doesn't know how to entertain herself, she'll knock on the door to all of we could play a family game, or watch a movie... these are all SUPER mood killers! DH is ready to go after i deal with whatever is requested, (whether it's, give us 15 minutes or "here are some towels") after that I'm done, there's no going back... so i much rather just wait until i KNOW i won't be disturbed
We had sex whenever we felt like in our room with locked doors
Sd's however had no respect for boundaries especially eldest sd who was 23 banging like crazy 7am in the morning screaming daddys name no. Stop when our toddlers were sleeping inside.
it killed the mood for me and i made it clear to my husband if he ever wanted sex again to make sure sd's were never around me again. They do not respect our privacy/boundaries and i will not tolerate that
I would be really irritated
I would be really irritated with that and probably refuse.
We are obviously more discrete when kids are home (We have BS16, BD14 and SS21 most of the time). But we don't live our lives around them being home.
I agree with the above comments.
The kid is 17 not 7. He knows. That said I was the one that had a hard time when DHs son (37) would stay with us. Additionally it was an adjustment having my own son who was a teen living with us. In fact my own son heard us one time and made a point of letting us know. I just said "we are an adult married couple, I'm sorry you were awake at 4 am and heard us but that is what happens between a couple " he's now in his 20's and we laugh about it. Yes it made him uncomfortable, just as it does all bio children but it is what it is. I get that you're SO is concerned that his son is uncomfortable and could say "I don't want to be here if THAT'S going on " but again, the kid is 17, he knows.