SD wedding/no consideration for her guests
So SD is getting remarried-he's a nice guy and we don't have any issue with him.
What has aggravated DH and I so much is that they don't want a local wedding; they want one several hours away. That is, of course, their choice to do so.
However, they are having it on a school night in the middle of college classes and our biokids will probably not be able to attend-they don't really seem to mind tho. They are pretty disgusted with the whole affair. We already told our kids that school come first and not to go if it'll interfere with their classes.
Added to that, 3 of the people they invited have disabilities-and of course, they want to go- so the family is going to have to transport them (us included) several hours to get there. That will be an added burden on the guests. At SD's first wedding, she had it out in the middle of nowhere and one of the relatives actually got their walker stuck and had to be physically carried to the ceremony. Also, DH and I have animals that require round the clock care and we just can't leave and stay overnight so we'll not only have to deal with a disabled relative but we will have to drive back that night to take care of our animals. And no, there is not anyone that we can hire to do this overnight. And if we could, that'd be another added expense that we'd have to shell out to attend this mess. DH asked SD several times to keep things local bc of the issues everyone was going to have- he could've even gotten the local wedding venue for free- but no. And its an outdoor wedding on the Gulf Coast in the middle of next hurricane season. God, how stupid can you get? At least DH isn't paying for this mess this time.
So while I know that it's their wedding and they can have it any way they want, you'd think there would be consideration for the people they invited. As much as I'd love to skip it, I really can't either. SMH
Why can't you skip it? You
Why can't you skip it? You have valid reasons.
In your shoes, I would tell DH to go but I have to stay, sorry.
^^^THIS^^^
Offer to "make the sacrifice and stay behind to take care of things". Be the saint you are
I agree
You have a legitimate reason to take care of the animals. Skip it, stay home and open a bottle of wine. Tell DH to go by himself.
They really don't care
They really don't care who shows up or what difficulties they have doing so. I'm sorry but that's how I see it.
Why are people even going to
Why are people even going to this? You don't have to go. Use the animals as an excuse if you need one. Send a nice gift and be done with it. That's all they probably care about anyway.
We eloped
For several reasons, but one of them was DH's 95-year old at the time mother who had a tough time walking, and it was on uneven ground that I did not want her to chance falling and breaking something. It would have been more than inconvenient - it would have been devastating.
I would bow out using the pets as a reason to stay behind..."Dh knock yourself out!!!! SD heres an awesome wedding present!!!!"
I'm sure I'm going to p!ss
I'm sure I'm going to p!ss some of you off, but I am a real softy when it comes to weddings. I feel everyone should have the wedding they want. I also feel it is just a DAY and family and friends should realize that. Both of my step children had weddings that I would have rather skipped but I went and had a good time. I am glad I went.
I hear your point of view
It is their wedding, a special day and they should decide where and how it is. But just being realistic, they also have to realize if their choices are legitimately challenging for people to attend, then it may be a small affair.
For example, I could say I wanted to get married on a mountaintop - but that would likely make it just SO and I as we couldn't expect our aged parents to climb a mountain for our wedding. So there is a balance between wanting to celebrate with people and wanting to do your thing.
I think they understand if
I think they understand if people don't attend. Because they are having the wedding they want. So what! But your analogy about a mountain top wedding is crazy. Who would want aged parents to do this!!!!! ARRR
" I also feel it is just a
" I also feel it is just a DAY "
Oh if only ... I have a niece who is getting married this summer. She's decided to make it a THREE day event. Not only that but it'll be in a town where her parents have their holiday home. No biggie, right? Wrong. All of her guests will have to drive an hour and a half each way ... for three days. The RSVP date was 1st February but her mother started badgering us around mid-December so I'm guessing that friends and family had already started telling them, "Eff that". Fortunately for me, it happens at my busiest time of the year and I just can't give them three whole days from my life (not even if I wanted to) so I've said I'll be present for the first day which is when they have the actual wedding ceremony. I've told DH and DDs that they can do what they like.
Three whole bloody days ... with three hours of driving for each one. Nope. We're happy she's getting married but there's a limit to what you can ask of people.
I agree with you. My first
I agree with you. My first wedding was a destination wedding, and I invited people I knew couldn't attend but wanted them to know that I loved them and thought about them. I ended up visiting those folks after the wedding either on trips or just to hang out, and no hard feelings.
Heck, my second wedding couldn't get any more local: it was in our living room. But, DH still had family who lived states away were upset they weren't invited (to our living room for a ceremony that last 15 minutes...catered by Chipotle...with grocery store cake). We still had friends who weren't able to attend (one had adopted a new kitten and the wedding was pick-up day).
Basically, no matter where you have a wedding, it won't work for someone. However, I had an attitude of "sucks that you won't be there, but I understand". If OP's SD is going to hold a grudge against all these folks for not coming, I can see why OP is disgruntled. But, sometimes people hold weddings far away in the middle of the week because they don't want to have to invite everyone, but then the family gets angry that they couldn't be invited/attend (this is partially why I had weddings and didn't just elope). Then it becomes a lose-lose situation for the beide and groom who can't have the wedding they want, and any compromise to that still ends with people being upset.
Wedding politics is a nightmare and leads to a lot of hurt feelings. If SD brings it on herself by having a horrible attitude when no one can show up to her mid-week wedding hours away, then she's the problem. But, if she's perfectly cool with no one being able to attend and it's the family who is losing their minds over not being able to be there, then the family needs to take a big seat and realize this isn't about them. Send well-wishes and a card, but don't make SD feel bad that she didn't cater to anyone else with her own money.
If they're paying for the
If they're paying for the wedding themselves, I'd keep my mouth shut and just choose to go or not go.
It's their wedding and they should have what they want. Consideration for guests would be nice, but who knows, maybe they're trying to keep things small while still inviting everyone and they'll be happy if people decline. Surely they realize that by having an out of town wedding that isn't convenient for most, they'll have people who end up choosing not to come. That must be OK with them.
Why can't you skip it? DH and
Why can't you skip it? DH and I skipped his son's second wedding, because it was thousands of miles away and it would have been expensive with all the costs involved. We went through all that fuss with his first wedding. I wasn't doing it again.
It kinda sounds like they don
It kinda sounds like they don't really want people going. My sister did this. Scheduled it at 2 pm on a weekday, small place, short notice. I wasn't even mad. I figured they just wanted it to be simple and be just them, and pretty much, it was. I gave them my sincere congratulations and that was the extent of my involvement. It may be that that's all your SD expects from you or anyone else. I don't think you should feel any pressure to go. Of course, if you are paying for any of it, none of the above applies.
In the U.K. weekday/daytime
In the U.K. weekday/daytime weddings are much cheaper and much less booked up. The financial difference could be quite substantial. - maybe it was what they could afford?
Hopefully SD and her FDH are paying for their own wedding.
The parents of the bride have no duty to pay for a retread wedding for a retread bride who is entering a subsequent marriage.
Particularly for a bride who is a prior failed relationship breeder. SD and her DF need to be paying for their wedding themselves. Just as they need to be supporting themselves.Your DH has already paid for a wedding for this woman. Even if he has not... she is ostensibly an adult and she is a mother. She and her groom can pay for their own wedding.
As for facilitating the transportation of guests to the venue that is distant from the city where the bride and groom reside.... those who choose to not attend or cannot attend due to travel... they can send their regrets. If they respond to the RSVP in the positive, it is that guests responsibility to facilitate their attendance. Unless the bride and groom want to do it.