SD is visiting and I want nothing to do with her
My SD has crossed a line with me. She has caused her father and I repeated stress and strain on our relationship. She lies to a ridiculous point. So far in the last year she has gotten pregnant (and aborted, done numerous drugs, gauged her ears against our wishes and that of her BM and gotten a tattoo. She is only 16yrs old. Some may argue that this is her way of crying out for attention. I would agree, except that she GETS a lot of attention....and everything she wants from her dad.
We have done nothing but been supportive, yet somehow I and my daughters are the ones to blame for her misery. I can understand how she may feel that way, but don't find her behavior excusable. She has trashed us all on social networks like Facebook and wished death on her BM who is currently living through breast cancer.
My DH and SD got into an argument about 4 wks ago and he restricted her to the house for her horrible behavior and unkind words. So what did she do? She fled to BM's house to get out of the punishment. On Father's Day she ruined it by calling her dad and letting him know that she wasn't coming to our home as planned because BM said she could stay with her for the summer?!?! Really? Talk about undermining our parenting...we have full custody of her. Since she has been gone is when she started calling and arguing with my husband...then she told him to "F%*& Off, and stop bugging her" We didn't hear from her for about 2 weeks and now she is talking to my DH and he is acting like everything is fine.
Maybe with him, but I have not heard one apology from SD. Not even a "hi" since we picked her up from BM's house today. I hate to feel this way but I want her gone. I don't want her living with us anymore and I know my daughters a mad too. I have tried to diffuse them, but it's not working. Neither is talking to the DH about it.
Well, you could give your DH
Well, you could give your DH an ultimatum and say "either she goes or I and my daughters do", but you have to be prepared to follow through. Don't say it if you can't.
Or you could try and persuade everyone that it is a good idea that SD16 lives with her BM permanently and comes to you for EOW etc.; or just put up with the situation for the next 2 years until she is legally an adult and can make her own way in the world - but at least you have no further obligation to house her.
Since she's only 16, there
Since she's only 16, there are few things that you, your DH, and BM could consider. If she has a drivers license...take it from her. You can actually call the DMV and tell them you are taking her license and she does not have the right to drive until you give it back to her.
If she has a cellphone and you guys or BM pays the bill, take it from her. Since she wants to talk so much crap on Facebook or whatever sites she goes on, I wouldn't allow her to use the computer at my house either. Sounds like BM may be a decent person, so perhaps the three of you can be a united front against her and not put up with her crap.
Yep, take away all the toys,
Yep, take away all the toys, we had to in the end as Sd21 had stopped even caring, except about her phone and her laptop !!! Both of which DH bought and paid for by the way...... We even supervised her surfing like for homework etc, and boy did that hurt her. It's like Dh said at the time, no one gave these things to me, these are priviledges, if you cannot respect them or the person that gave them and maintains them for you, then you cannot keep them..... He kinda has a moment of sane Dadness like every five years or so.......
I agree with ALL of you on
I agree with ALL of you on how to approach this. I have asked my DH to restrict her from her cell phone and other items but he can't seem to do it. He only tells her that she can't go to her friends houses so what does she do? she asks if her friends can come to OUR house instead and HE LET'S THEM?!?!?!?! This isn't a punishment it's her getting whatever she wants!! How can you possibly feel the consequences of your actions when nothing is happening to you. When she is grounded she sits up in her room with her iPod, cell phone, laptop and cable tv. It gets me so steamed. I have tried to explain to DH how this all seems ineffective considering her behavior doesn't get better. When she wants something she is sweet until she gets it. This is the pattern and always has been.
Oh my gosh! this scares me.
Oh my gosh! this scares me. My sd14 has moved in with us last year and she is JUST like this. She has snuck boys in our home - had sex 3 times, stole from stores, stole from me and my bd12, done drugs; everything she says is a lie. and she does get punished; but the MINUTE she gets out she does it right again. And the whole thing about crying for attention is the most ridiculous thing; it's an excuse - a clutch!! I haven't talked to SD in days!! I won't even go if she is going. He mom doesn't want her; she said her husband gave her the same choice......me or her; now I know why she chose it!!!!!!!!!!!!! hang in there!!