Husband has a controlling ex
My husbands ex wife is controlling. He and I are tired of her behavior. When she calls we answer if she has the kids because it could be an emergency. But when we have the kids and call her....forget it. She ignores us every time. We do not even get the courtesy of a call back. She has made all of his family her friends on Facebook and goes to their holiday parties and events, but she doesn't want my husband associating with her family. If we let her know our vacation plans...like going to Disneyland with the kids....she suddenly has the same plans...and they are a week ahead of ours. She does not invite us to the kids school functions, give us yearly school photos or even keep us up to date on doctors appointments. Trust me, we ask for all of those things or at least to know when they are coming up so we can attend/purchase these things ourselves. We have also recently discovered that she talks badly about me and I haven't done anything to her. She has gone so far as to tell my step sons that I don't like them?!?! In fact HATE was the word she used according to my 16yr old sd. They are 12 and 11yrs old!! How awful is that?!
I know we can't force her to do anything, and talking to her is useless. But does anyone have any advice for how to handle a person like this? There are children involved and it's not right for her to put them in the middle like this. It's so wrong of her. I know my husband has work he needs to do as far as standing up to her. I am just feeling helpless. Suggestions?
"She does not invite us to
"She does not invite us to the kids school functions, give us yearly school photos or even keep us up to date on doctors appointments."
Outdo BM and have DH call the school and the kids' teachers. Make sure they have copies of the court order outlining the custody of the stepkids. He can probably go on the school's websites and get the teachers' email addresses.
As for her continuing to hang out with DH's family, his family might be keeping in touch with her if the stepkids live primarily with her or even if they live with her half the time. From their perspective, they want to see their grandkids/nieces/nephews as often as possible. However, she should not be going to all the functions. I understand that sometimes she'll be at some functions- bridal showers, graduations, etc. But if it's a Thanksgiving dinner, she shouldn't be there. You can't control who other people associate with, but your in-laws should at least have the courtesy to get together with her on their own time.
She is setting the ground
She is setting the ground rules, yet you continue to expect more. She doesn't answer her phone when you have them....Don't answer your phone when she has them.
She has you right were she wants you. You need to back off. If there is a life and death emergency, she can leave a message. You are like a happy puppy trying to please its master. Stop being a puppy and be more like a finicky cat.
You are making it easy for her to piss you off.
OMG...you NAILED my husband!!
OMG...you NAILED my husband!! Those are his EXACT words. "I'm taking the high road."