SD only visits on holidays
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So my SD 13 only visits before holidays or her birthday to get gifts. She has done this for years and I can't take it anymore. She treats my kids like they don't exist. When she does visit, she spends the entire time on her cellphone or ipod. She is not social. It's like pulling teeth to start a conversation with her. We have not heard anything from her since before thanksgiving. That weekend she only came to visit because she wanted to go to a school dance and BM didn't want to pick her up. I am just so irritated!! Anyone else have this problem?
I don't usually agree with
I don't usually agree with hatemydad but this time I do.
She isn't worth any effort on your part. Plan fun things to do with your children (without her). I hope you are not buying any of these gifts.
We were going to skip the
We were going to skip the gifts this year and just open her up a savings account and give her the statement for Christmas. But, with only a week until Christmas, we still have not heard from her (this weekend is her "scheduled" weekend to visit), so I am not sure if we are even going to bother with that. A part of me feels bad, but another part of me just can't take the crap anymore. It's gone on too long and it is only hurting MY children.
My ss had not seen or talked
My ss had not seen or talked to my dh since August. Except he called the week prior to T-giving. It's because 1) he knows we go on vaca over T-giving to his most favorite place in the whole world 2)in prep for the xmas season.
He called, told dh how much he wanted to begin visiting our home again, how he so regrets not being closer to my children, blah, blah, bs, blah, bs.
Then we havent heard from him since. He's slipping. Last year, he did the same thing-although maintained weekly calls all the way up til xmas day, when he came by the house for 10 minutes and picked up his gifts.
My dh is a sucka. He really is. After ss14's one call he wanted to rush out and buy him an ipod. We discussed it a little and then dropped it. As I said ss has not talked to him since. Although, I am expecting a call on probably, Friday. That would be my guess of when we are going to get the follow up call hinting around to when he can come over and pick up gifts. Suprisingly, no gifts have been bought for ss14. As the days count down I cant believe my dh didnt get him anything (cant believe in a good way). I've encouraged him for years to give only a gift appropriate to the relationship he has with ss. I guess he finally realized he has a nonexistant relationship with the kid.
At this point, ss is not welcome to visit here. I dont care if dh wishes to arrange a visit elsewhere.
'Hismine...' I hope he is
'Hismine...' I hope he is learning to not be a doormat. It's difficult being a visitation only father. My experience was to just write a kid off when he turned 14 and I didn't see him for over a decade. Sure it hurt at first but I didn't prolong the suffering either.
When he finally came into contact he knew he had screwed up and who had misled him down the path.
'Irritated' - absolutely no
'Irritated' - absolutely no gifts for kids who only come over or contact at gift giving seasons.
Plus I agree with 'hatemydad' don't even raise your head when the kid walks in the room to see who it is. Don't speak unless spoken directly to by name and then only when she repeats herself as if you didn't hear. Which you didn't because you're tuned out to her presence.
They may just learn that there are consequences for slighting people in their lives.
Agree with all above - do not
Agree with all above - do not reward bad behavior.
SD found this out one entire year when she received zero from her dad after she cussed him out for the last time - no calls, no trips, no gifts. Basically this lasted from ages 15-17, her choice.
Thanks for all your posts. I
Thanks for all your posts. I just didn't want to feel like a monster when Christmas came around and we didn't get her anything. My daughter absolutely adores my SD and I didn't want to stop her from coming to visit. But I can't reward this behavior any longer. It will never change if I do.