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Reminders & Graduation

cheeze-N-rice's picture

Submitted by cheeze-N-rice on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 2:30pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

I have been a SM to SD14 for 7 years. Her bio mom is not in the picture and lord knows where she is. She abandoned SD when she was 5. 

I'm currently on a disengagement journey which is very recent due to some high conflict times the last couple years and I'm just done with the SD. 

Her graduation is coming up; and I've decided not to attend. I feel it's in everyone's best interests. My question is though; do you remind your partners of things needed? Mine isn't the greatest and remembering dates of events and so I am not sure he even has remembered that it's coming up as he will need to take the afternoon from work for it. Would you remind your partners? Also; I know sD will have some events around graduation that she will need stuff for. Not my problem and I won't be taking part in reminding her. However; do you remind your partner???? 

or let sleeping dogs lie? And let natural consequences happen for them both if he forgets his own kids graduation! 
 

 

 

 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 2:44pm

Since your disengagement sounds fairly recent, I'd probably remind him.  Nothing much - just a "SD's graduation is coming up on x date.  You might want to make sure she has everything she needs."  I assume he already knows you are disengaged and will not be doing anything.  If not, maybe a reminder of that would be necessary if you've been the one previously handling the nuts and bolts.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 3:57pm

I would probably remind him but let him know that you will not be paying attention to these things and events going forward, so he will have to step it up.

Geez, where would men be without us women?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 7:46pm

Your disengagement should not foster ill will between your DH and your SD.  As much as many may want to purge all things SKid from their lives.... keeping in touch with the fact that even toxic ill behaved Skids are the spawn of our mate is a reasonable thing to do.

IMHO of course.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 05/25/2021 - 1:10pm

Graduating Freshman year of high school? Perhaps I read it wrong.

Id remind him and then schedule something fun for myself. The last graduation I attended for a skid at high school age was miserable. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 05/25/2021 - 1:25pm

Everyone is too kind. I wouldnt, or at least would not want to.  You disengaged  for a reason. Were you slighted, excluded, treated like shite by your SD and/or DH? I guess it depends on the reasons and how severe would determine whether I reminded him or the SD. If your relationship with DH is respectful then yea I would. 

Seriously if daddio of the year cannot remember his own kids graduation and what to do about it, then thats on him. If SD forgot something, well then sucks to be you kiddo you treated me like shite why the heck would I help you. Im just bitter like that, so ignore my rant. 

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Tue, 05/25/2021 - 2:41pm

I think I'd remind him. Once. And maybe close to the event so that perhaps it's a little painful for him if he has to rush around last minute. And then be clear that he's going to have to remember SD's activities since the calendar in your head is now out of order.