Regretting my blended family
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He has 2 kids 4 and 7 and I have 1 5 year old son. We officially moved in together 4 month ago and it has been hell. My boyfriend and I are very in love with one another but I'vw been so frustrated lately that I've been lashing out on him and his kids. I work a school job so I have the summers off. I was very excited about it until the summer hit and i realized how horrible it is being with three kids full time. His two children live with us full time and currently have no contact with their mom. I have split custody and my sons dad is probably the best father ever and my son prefers to be with him because of how chaotic this household is and how distracted I am dealing with the other kids. I'm starting to resent my step kids and boyfriend for my diminished relationship with my son. My son tells me all the time he wishes his father and I were still together.... sometimes I do to. My step kids can be nightmares the 4 year old cries constantly and still isnt potty trained and the 7 year old has the attitude of a 15 year old girl always very snappy and rude to me. My son has always been difficult as well so having him and two other difficult kids makes me feel like I'm drowning and failing as a mother to my son. The kids have a lot of trauma and I've climbed mountains getting them into therapeutic programs but nothing helps.. my son has recently started exhibiting angry outbursts, depressive talk such as talking about killing himself ect. Other than the separation between his father and I he hasn't experienced any other trauma so I know his issues are related to the blended family and the separation. Every day i wake up with anxiety and depression I dont want to socialize with his kids anymore because it's always them fighting crying or saying inappropriate stuff. I'm burnt out!!! Not sure this is worth it anymore. My boyfriend is supportive in many ways and his idea of handling problems when they arise is being more aggressive with his kids, which makes me feel so guilty. He is not allowed to discipline my child in any way but he gives me the ok to discipline his, which I'm not comfortable with. I cant imagine my whole life revolving around these kids
4 months is a long time in
4 months is a long time in the mind of a child but if you get out quick, you won't do much long term damage to your bio. You can still fix this for yourself but staying in this mess could drive a wedge between you and your son that might be very hard to overcome.
You have to put him first before the skids. He is your first responsibility. You might love this man deeply but he does not sound ready to handle everything on his plate and is not really ready or available for a healthy relationship with you.
I feel torn because my
I feel torn because my boyfriend just moved his two children an hour away from their home town to live with me and he started a new job out here. If I leave him hes stuck in a town where he knows no one and idk if he can finacially make it on his own...
What is more important to you?
Your son's well-being or your boyfriend' financial stability? He is an adult your son as a child.
I hear you stepped out and I
I hear you stepped out and I know what I need to for my son but finacially I'm not in the best spot either with not working for the summer! Wish money wasn't an issue =/
Believe me, i get the
Believe me, i get the financial thing. I left my formerSO with my babyBS due to really really bad behavior from formerSS13 that was going uncorrected. I had $300 and all of my bills were 2 months behind (including my mortgage) that formerSO was supposed to be paying (he completely gaslighted me into not going back to work and promised he would cover my bills).
I got a job, got caught up, and am supporting myself and my son.
If I can overcome that, so can you. A mother can do amazing things to protect their children.
Ugh I currently live in this
Ugh I currently live in this small podunk town and I just looked online at rentals and there are literally 4 rentals online and all of them are 1500+... to many Californians moving in.. haha but yeah I think I'll keep checking and see if something pops up
Where did you live 4 months
Where did you live 4 months ago, before you moved in with your boyfriend? Or did he move into your place?
Get out!
Save your son. No man is worth giving up your child.
You tried, it didn't work. It's ok to make a mistake. It's not ok to not correct it.
If you are still wishing you
If you are still wishing you were still with your kid's dad then you aren't really all that in love with this guy after all atleast not as head over heels you would need to be to sacrifice your relationship with your son to be with this guy and his demon spawn.
Ask him to move out. I only
Ask him to move out. I only lasted a few months living with my fiancé and his kids. I took my bios and left. We are still together but not in the same house.
Family support
he needs family support with his kids. You guys are not married, his kids are not yet your responsibility. Get this under control before you become responsible.
This doesn't sound like a
This doesn't sound like a situation that can last in the long term - not if your son is already suffering from the chaos as he is and you are not at all enjoying being with his children. I think you do your boyfriend a bigger disservice to prolong the inevitable than you would do if you just broke things off now and told him that it's not working for you.
Just told my boyfriend about
Just told my boyfriend about all my frustration and my worry about my son and now he won't talk to me... he says he knows the end is coming whats there to talk about.. fuck I dont know what to do. My heart is torn two different directions
And he’ll be okay.
Why care more about him and his feelings than yourself and yours?
You are failing your son ...
Get a short-term job over the summer: barrista, sheepherder, church warden, eldercare, whatever. Just do it. You can get out rather quickly. Sounds as if you have a boatload of excuses for why you don't want to leave this situation. Your kidlet is telling you, loudly, that something is not working in his life. Listen to him. Ditch this situation. Excuses can sound like reasons but they are not.
Will CPS/foster care do a better job raising your child? Help him now while you are able.
Talk to your son's dad about
Talk to your son's dad about him keeping your son until you are back on your feet. You can do EOWE visitation, or something similar.
Get a job or three working as many hours as possible. Save, save, save!
Once you are able to move out and get settled, resume whatever visitation schedule you have with Dad.
This is a sucky situation. You and your SO took a gamble, and you both lost. It happens. It's not nice or fun, but it's not uncommon.
There are ways to continie seeing each other while not living together. However, if I am being honest, anyone who wants you to quit your job to watch their kids knows a) that their kids are unruly and no daycare can/will manage them, b) that they expect you to be a replacement parent for their kids, and/or c) that they will become controlling and cutting you off financially is the first step of reigning you in. When you have kids, you need to work. You never know when circumstances will change.
Best of luck.
Why not wait it out with him
Why not wait it out with him until you save enough money to leave. In the meantime disengage from the stepkids. Start distancing yourself from him and eventually when it comes time to leave it will be easier to sever the ties.
Your BF is mad because you're
Your BF is mad because you're concerned about your son? That's not good.
I understand you must feel guilty because he moved closer to you and left his job. But he has another job now. If you died tomorrow he'd be exactly where he'd be if you left him.
And you don't have to leave the relationship, but the living arrangement isn't working. I suspect he knows that if he's talking about the relationship ending. If you can calm him down, maybe you can work together to find a different living arrangement. Or maybe get a sitter a few days a week to give you a break and time to spend with your son.
Frankly, if you're thinking of your ex, maybe this BF isn't for you. Beware the grass is greener mentality, though. You and the ex split up for a reason -- think about what that was.