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quick question.

MdMom's picture

Submitted by MdMom on Tue, 01/28/2014 - 6:02pm

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General Discussion

I know I've posted feeds the last two days, but I have a question on how to answer SD's questions in a way she understands.

So recently SD3 has been trying to figure out who falls into what place... Ie, BM is mom, FDH is Dad... And so on with grandparents, and siblings.

Last week while home SD asked me if I was her other mom... I simply told her no, that she can only have one mom, but I love her like I do DDs.(which is true)... She just looked at me confused, and asked who FDH was (she called him by his first name when she asked) and I said that he was her Dad... Then she threw me and said 'BM says that BM's BF is my dad and FDH is my dad...'

How do I correct her? Do I correct her? Clearly she is confused, no help from BM... But how do I explain to a 3 yo the difference between SP and BP? I just don't want to confuse her any more.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 01/28/2014 - 6:10pm

I wouldn't correct her on the FDH/BF thing.

What I would do is say, I'm your (insert nickname for you here) and your mom is mom."

Leave it at that and let your FDH deal with the other issue. Smile

mannin's picture

Submitted by mannin on Tue, 01/28/2014 - 7:12pm

I think the BM is doing a huge disservice to her daughter by mixing up titles.

I agree that FDH should talk with BM about this and come to an agreeable solution.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Wed, 01/29/2014 - 4:27am

I think all you had to do was tell her the truth. You are not her mum, but you are a stepmum and you love her as you dd. As far as the BM boyfriend being dad best not to get too involved in that one if it can be avoided, but again, a simple, yes he is your stepdad and leave it at that. Simple honest explanations are the best. Lies and fairy tales set the kids up for future heartache.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 01/29/2014 - 6:16am

I would stick with SD-3's perception that BM is mom and you are her other mom and that FDH is her dad and BM's BF is her other dad. This is risky since neither you and FDH nor BM and her BF have papers which significantly ups the risk that both you and BM's BF will not be long term participants in SD-3's life.

IMHO of course.