'I wanted to be in your belly when I was a baby' says SD3... Needing help with explaining (age appropriately)
For the last few weeks DD2 has had an obsetion about babies in people's bellies (my sister is currently pregnant). DD2 will come up to me and say 'you have babies in your belly', I say 'No WAY! mommy's done with having babies in her belly.' (FDH and I have 4 children UNDER the age of 4!! INSANITY!!)
SD3 will chime in to the convo with something like 'DS6mo was in your belly, DD18mo and DD2 were in your belly too.' I tell her she is very right, but that there are NO BABIES in my belly now (the last thing we need is drama from BM because SD3 says i have another baby coming!)
SD will then ask if she was in my belly when she was a baby, I smile and say 'No, you were in BM's belly. That is why she is your mom.' to which her reply 'But you're my mom too though, right Mdmom?' I tell her that I am her STEPmom, I am not her real mom, BM is. She then says BM's BF is her Stepdad... I say yes, you are totally right!
She then says 'but you're my real mom too, cause I want to come out of your belly when I was a baby. Like DD's and DS.'
I don't really know what to say to that... i'm sorry you were born to a lazy, worthless, whore of a mom, who cares more about coming up with ways to hurt, or get money out of FDH than spending quality time with her only daughter.
Though I would like to say that, I bite my tongue and say 'BM is your mom, and I am your Stepmom, you are special enough to have two moms who care and love you very much.'
Was it too much to say that she had two moms? she knows that I am a Step, as well as knows who her Bio parents are. (she is very bright for a 3 almost 4 year old.) This is not the first time that SD has said things like this... I usually change the subject, and she goes along with it, but recently when I try to change the subject, or just have her go play with her siblings. But recently she has not been wanting to let it go, she'll go play or we will talk about something else then she always brings us back to the conversation. She has been very consistent about the topic... Clearly I'm not getting to her, or she wouldn't have to bring it up every silent moment we have through out the day.
How else can I explain to SD (age appropriately) why she couldn't have been my baby to begin with, but is one of my babies now?
Also, am I in the wrong to be explaining these kinds of things to SD, should I leave that to BM and FDH? (Though I do believe that SD opens up to me more than BM and FDH)
Any help will help... lol
I'm curious what others would
I'm curious what others would say. I think in your shoes, I'd go to the library and get some books about how babies are made. Also some books that have authority/love figures other than mom & dad. Like teachers, grandparents, etc. And talk separately about the facts about having a baby as well as the feelings in relationships.
Sounds like she's trying to
Sounds like she's trying to say "I love you," or "I feel safer/better/happier with you," or "I don't want to feel different," or something along those lines.
Instead of answering her, why not try asking her why she's saying it? Then maybe you can get off the topic of babies and bellies and on to something more manageable like how love is "real" and she'll be safe and happy with all the people who love her.
My SS is a pre-teen but he is autistic and has many toddler like attitudes and difficulty expressing himself. Once in awhile he will get on this same topic and ask me if I have a baby in my tummy or announce that I do have one. So far I've just made him laugh like, "Do YOU have a baby in yours?" to which he giggles and says, "Only women can have babies!" and then we easily move onto something else.
But whenever this happens, I make sure to comment to his mom, gently, that he was interested in the topic this weekend and "it isn't true." I, like you, want no drama with her thinking or fretting about imaginary babies possibly on the way at our house.
She's three years old. She
She's three years old. She doesn't understand what stepmom means.
I agree it sounds like she wants you to be her mom.
When she says "you're my real mom too, cause I want to come out of your belly when I was a baby" explain to her how a dog has puppies, but sometimes a momma dog will take care of a kitten because it's a good mother. Maybe that's not the best example, you're not trying to call her a dog, LOL, but you get the idea.
Maybe if you keep telling her while she may not have come out of your belly, you love her just as much as the children that did, and you will always be there for her, no matter what. (if that's how you feel, that is)
I think you should smile and
I think you should smile and tell her she's so very sweet to say that and change the subject.
That seems to be her way of telling you she loves you.