What questions would you all ask when screening a marriage counselor for a blended family? Some seem to not hold bio parents accountable for stepchildren or bio parent behavior. Thank you.
I don't believe you can hold your partner accountable for the other bio parent's behavior.. so that right there.. is somethign you shouldn't even expect they would do. They can have boundaries and refuse to cowtow to all the ex'es demands.. but that is a different thing than being accountable for what the EX has done.
Beyond that.. my basic question would be.
What do you see the role of a stepparent being in a family with minor kids (if that's your situation).? The answer should be illuminating.
Because I think that is where many therapists fail SP's because they have those ideas about "love the kid as your own".. you knew what you signed up for etc....
I would want a therapist with PERSONAL experience in their own lives. Also, the default rose colored glasses of "loving as your own" can make way for excused behaviors by SKs, DH and BM. IMHO, seeing a therapist with that mindset would probably just make the situation worse.
Do you have hands-on experience in the Toxic Step World?
Are you familiar with PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome)?
Are you familiar with Disneyland Dad Syndrome? Mini Wife Syndrome? Unhealthy Enmeshment? Guilty Parenting?
There are therapists out there that can and do know about these issues. If you are looking to read, check out Amy J.L. Baker. She now offers coaching...pricy. Her books are very informative.
Relationship. No body not in a SP relationship, can't understand. No non step parent I ever talked to fully understand. I know some one who has a DD who married a man with kids. She has SGK. Doesn't understand she treated them differently.
I have never met a person / persons. Not in a step family relationship. Understand the in ands out of step life. They equate all factors in a non step family. That you all love the kids, take a bucket for the kids . The kids come first. It's true but not nice to say you don't like SK.
Good questions listed above. If this counselor doesn't work out, I recommend the excellent Psychology Today online "Find a Therapist" search tool. You can filter yoir search & read how they operate, etc.:
I don't believe you can hold
I don't believe you can hold your partner accountable for the other bio parent's behavior.. so that right there.. is somethign you shouldn't even expect they would do. They can have boundaries and refuse to cowtow to all the ex'es demands.. but that is a different thing than being accountable for what the EX has done.
Beyond that.. my basic question would be.
What do you see the role of a stepparent being in a family with minor kids (if that's your situation).? The answer should be illuminating.
Because I think that is where many therapists fail SP's because they have those ideas about "love the kid as your own".. you knew what you signed up for etc....
I would want a therapist with
I would want a therapist with PERSONAL experience in their own lives. Also, the default rose colored glasses of "loving as your own" can make way for excused behaviors by SKs, DH and BM. IMHO, seeing a therapist with that mindset would probably just make the situation worse.
Some Questions I'd Want to Know
Do you have hands-on experience in the Toxic Step World?
Are you familiar with PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome)?
Are you familiar with Disneyland Dad Syndrome? Mini Wife Syndrome? Unhealthy Enmeshment? Guilty Parenting?
There are therapists out there that can and do know about these issues. If you are looking to read, check out Amy J.L. Baker. She now offers coaching...pricy. Her books are very informative.
They would have to be in a step parent
Relationship. No body not in a SP relationship, can't understand. No non step parent I ever talked to fully understand. I know some one who has a DD who married a man with kids. She has SGK. Doesn't understand she treated them differently.
I have never met a person / persons. Not in a step family relationship. Understand the in ands out of step life. They equate all factors in a non step family. That you all love the kids, take a bucket for the kids . The kids come first. It's true but not nice to say you don't like SK.
That depends.
That depends.
Look for DFMT .
Doctor of Family and Marriage Therapist.
Psychology Today Search Tool
Good questions listed above. If this counselor doesn't work out, I recommend the excellent Psychology Today online "Find a Therapist" search tool. You can filter yoir search & read how they operate, etc.:
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