Hi, New to this forum, but need help to sort out issues in my relationship with my boyfriend, his very soon to be ex-wife and his 11 yr old daughter. I am also in process of divorce (separated for a long time, held off because my ex is on my heath insurance). I have 2 children, ages 7 and 10. I was married 18 years, he was only married 3 years (they did not get married when she got pregnant) and were sometimes dating others before they got married. I am dating him a little over a year, just shortly after he moved out. I have not met his daugther. In fact, this past Saturday was the first night she stayed with him at this apt. She was "allowed" there on a trial basis to see how it went. At first she would not agree and he told her he would file a court order. She changed her mind and he didn't file because he thinks its better if he doesn't have to go that route. The daughter did just ok. I do not live with my boyfriend. I was informed several months into our relationship that the Mom never allowed my Bf to take the daugther to his place for weekends and he always spent time there at her place. He would pick the daughter up in the am for daycare, then drop her off after work, wait for the Mom to come home. Sometimes stayed for dinner, etc. The daugher only met 1 prior GF one time and the Mom went nuts.

I was trying to tolerate this thinking I was giving all of them time to transition with the divorce, etc, but imo, this is just getting ridiculous. BF told he will have to see what will happen in 2 weekends when it is his weekend again. Also, he sees her Monday night, Wed night and Thurs night. He drives an hour to pick her up at school and then goes to the Moms house until about 9pm. He says just the 2 of them go out for dinner then back hom to do homework. I'm not crazy about this either. Easter is this weekend and he asked how I felt about him going over there about 1pm for the day. My kids will be with their Dad. I'm really hurt. I understand he wants to see his daugther for the holiday, but don't feel he should be spending it like a family, since they no longer are in one sense.

How much time do other ex's spend at their ex-wife's house? What types of things do they still do for them? I ask because he has mentioned marriage and I forsee a long road with the ex-wife here. If he doesnt do what she wants, she tells him he can't see her at all. I have nothing against him seeing his daughter. My only issue is that it is always at her place. For example, the daugther is off from school today and he drove there to stay with her (school holiday) today and will be there tonight until about 9pm. Mom is at work til about 6pm. Please any advice or input?