I am a Chinese, being in US for one year, have a daughter about 10 months old. My husband has 3 kids with ex,SD13, SS10,SD9. He divorced over 6 years. Ex-wife never worked again till now soon after she knew she was pregnant. She remarried 4 months after divorce, new husband plays music. According to what kids said before, one year and a half after marriage, he has no job. Rest of time, kids were instructed (especially now) not to tell, but sounds like part-time job only. They all live with Grandpa(BM’s father). My husband pays 260 (after tax) to BM for these 3 kids, and about 100 days a year kids are here with us. So here’s my question.

1. Money___I has no job now, so only one is working and he has to raise 6. I told my husband several times I never felt so “poor” in my life. I mean I never felt so short of money all the time. Since we started working on burget, our debt finally slowed down. When kids are not here, we spend 150 a week for we 3, my husband, daughter and me. When they come on weekend, we spend 200 a week. If kids here for one week, then 300. Credit card is only used on gas. Whenever I think that the Skids has 260 to spend a week, while we only have 150 for shopping a week, I feel a little frustrated. Extremely feel unfair that we still pay when kids are here. It really makes me mad when kids are wearing unsuitable clothes, shoes. SS10 even wore the shirt of her second husband's, who is about 1.8m tall. SD9 wear pants more than 8cm longer and even her shoes perfect suit me while heSS10 even wore the shirt of her second husband's, who is about 1.8m tall. SD9 wear pants more than 8cm longer and even her shoes suit me. When I told them to wear clothes or that suit them, they said they'll grow to it and mom told them it saves money. So I am curious to know how you’d feel in my situation. Am I self-fish to feel in this way. What should I do when Skids are here and my husband is spending more money than burget to buy Skids’ love?
2. How to say no to Skids. I am the one who does not know how to refuse other’s requests. When Skids request this or that, unless I have very good reason, my answer is always yes. And now they know it and always ask me for permission. A lot times I give them permission even I really don’t want to, and I had a feeling of being pushed by them. Today I told them as long as their dad home, don’t ask me any more. So I want to know how you say no to Skids. I can not tell them no, and when they ask them why, sometimes my husband simply say “because I said so”. The other reason is that once I say no to them, they can be mad, say something like “why everybody is so mean to me”, “nobody cares about my feeling”, Hearing such thing makes me mad.
3. How to deal with Skids bad habits? SD13 can never finish her plate, after she eating, I can always find something dropped on floor. Well-done bacon, she still pick some out and claimed to be fat and refuse to eat; Bread, she’d take eges off and throw away;eating chick wing, a couple of bite, she’d pick up another one. SD9 always refuse to eat breakfast. When she could not finish plate, she’d say it will cause her tummy ache. SS10 threw his toys everywhere, no matter how many times I told him put them back to original place before going back to his mom, still some left out of his room and a lot he just mess his cabinet and then close the door.
4. How to deal with Skids when they do something you extremely dislike. For example, We need not buy any clothes for kids, but what happened before is SS lost his shoes while being here and their mom sued (a lot funny stories here), to avoid any further trouble, my husband said he will buy clothes and some other things here so that kids won't have to bring here and lost them. What Skids do is taken clothes here to their mom without asking, and bring them back when they are old. Two days ago, I found SS10’S 2 shirts (90% new) and a short pants(we bought not long ago and he wore in total less than 1 week) are gone. I was very angry and told him he was not allowed to touch computer until he found where they are, and if necessary, he could call his mom. He told his mom he was punished for lossing clothes, and his mom immediately called my husband and blew off.