When I met my husband he had 5 wonderful kids ages 8-15. They were good kids who were respectful, funny and kind.

I never really had an urge to be a mom....and being a step mother had never even crossed my mind until I was already falling in love with this family.

We were together for 3 1/2 years before we got married. We lived together for 2 of those years. I thought I knew what I was getting into. I new our youngest was my biggest challenge our only girl. The princess of the family. But she was not a bad kid a little spoiled but not bad.

We are coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary next month. After all we have gone through in the last 2 years with the kids my husband came home over the weekend and said to me. "If you wanted to leave I would understand. You did not sign on for this."

He was serious. Our 20 year old, had a baby just after we got married. In the last 6 months he has been arrested 3 times. The last time was last night. Our 18 year old is a blessing he is doing well and heading off to college in the fall.

Our 15 year old...told us Friday that his 18 year old girlfriend who we told him he was not permitted to see is pregnant.

The girl our youngest was caught drinking at her mothers house.

My husband and I live in fear of the phone. We stopped going out. We are embarassed. Soon after we got married I got the baby bug. But my husband refuses to have a child until his children were grown and out of the house. Now, our 15 year old is going to be a father. He is right I did not sign on for this. These are not the kids I fell in love with. I hate that I am so ashamed. I hate that this girl literally told me to my face that I am no one to my step son in the same breathe she insists we will be paying for their child.

I am unable to have a child of my own because I respect my husbands wishes for his children. I cry alone over that fact. We fight over not having a child together just to end up here.

I love them so much. I love my husband. But I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn or how to make it better. Please tell me how to stop this boat from sinking. Please tell me how to save my marriage and save my children. We are not bad people. My husband and I work hard we ahve given them everything that they needed and most of what they have wanted. I have put aside my own wants and desires for them.

Their BM and father have given up so much for them.

Even though their BM and I have our differences and I have come to accept I can not control what is happening in her house...When it comes to the kids we do work together. So please tell me what they need. Please tell me how to fix my family.