Partner blocking BM
Forums:
Just wondering if anyone else's partner has blocked the BM from phoning and texting? Particularly when it's used to abuse and gaslight and cause the most amount of anxiety for all concerned?
does he need to send her a message saying he will only receive communication in relation to the kids via email. And tell her he is blocking her from calls texts etc? He's decided he has had enough of her BS and wants to completely block her from our lives. Are there alternatives to this approach? She never answers the phone if he phones to speak to the kids. Only texts when she wants to abuse or accuse him of something and when she phoned she just screams down the phone. He's done.
Any advice?
does he need to send her a
does he need to send her a message saying he will only receive communication in relation to the kids via email.
I would say, yes, if he is going to block her from calling and texting, he needs to let her know that she needs to contact him by email and email only, and only when necessary or he will not respond.
What is necessary?!
BM will text in relation to what she believes the kids should be doing on their visitation to our home. It's all about control.....
Then he ignores those emails.
Then he ignores those emails.
Thrifty---how old are the
Thrifty---how old are the kids?
Still pretty young, I believe
Still pretty young, I believe.
The youngest is 8
So he should text to say future correspondence should be sent to XXX email in relation to the kids?
should he give her a mobile phone number to call in case of an absolute emergency pertaining to the kids? And point out what he considers an emergency? BM will frequently text with very limited information relating to the health of the kids; implying they are seriously ill. She has a habit of then going off grid when he tries to find out how serious the situation is which it has never actually been. I'm beginning to think she is exaggerating Illness in the kids to get attention herself. Unfortunately she isn't very bright; she tried to convince partner their son had a temperature so high (40 degrees Celsius) which almost isn't compatible with life ie. would be indicative of impending brain damage.... she hadn't even given the child something as basic as paracetamol to resolve the fever. My partner attended her hone to take kid to hospital - he didn't have a fever and his symptoms resolved within five minutes of their journey to the ED....
40 degrees Celsius / 104
40 degrees Celsius / 104 degrees Fahrenheit is a seriously high fever, but hardly incompatible with life, lol. It's just at the threshold for going to the ER.
Should have said 45
Sorry!
She has no say in what
She has no say in what happens in your home.
Do not give her an emergency number to call or she'l use it all the time. She'll find a way of getting in touch with you if she absolutely needs to.
No communication about anything that doesn't involve a hospital or a SWAT team ...
Is that reasonable?
Is there a way to divert BM calls but block sms messages?
Block her number entirely and
Block her number entirely and give her an email address to contact. Phone contact is not essential. All you have to ensure is that she has at least one means of contact - email is perfect and a lot less stressful than phone calls.
is she less likely
To continuously make contact about non issues?
Probably, because it takes
Probably, because it takes more effort to write an email *smile*
Also, you can direct her emails into a folder (that you've created specially for her) so that you don't have to see them immediately and can peruse them at your leisure.
I would not do this if this
I would not do this if this is going to be her only line of communication. You can be certain there will be an "Emergency" your DH will miss & this is why communication only via email is not going to work.
Agreed!! We still get "fake emergencies from BM
BM makes things up or makes things worse than they are and she knows that she is doing it.
Maybe try a designated emergency contact. Someone she could call that could call you if it was true emergency. Or the hospital will call if it truly is!!
Definitely email instead of
Definitely email instead of calls for all the reasons listed here. An emergency number would sound to her like "My personal line to wreak hell". Don't do it. He should send one text to let her know that he is blocking her, and also to send the email address. If you really wanted, you could make a new email address which forwards so that she doesn't have your personal info.
With the emails you can collect them all as well as proof of her behaviour if you go to court or if she tries to imply abuse/neglect etc. Just remember that your replies need to be professional at worst. No conversations outside of the email account.
Yes it's fine
Perfectly fine to block an interfering nosey pos bm. Tell her you are out of courtesy and she'll come back with 'what if there's an emergency' I can bet my life on it... Say both grandparents or 3rd party have yours and our numbers. Problem solved. (then wait for the day she buys step kids a phone and starts monopolising that, face-palm)
The method of communication
The method of communication really doesn't matter. What is important that boundaries are established and enforced. If SO says email and text or call only for emergencies. then he enforces that - calls can go to voice mail to see if they are emergencies, text only get answered when it's an emergency. If he responds to an emergency & BM rears off-topic - say soccer practice or her love life. SO hangs up.
We have BM blocked ...
We have BM blocked for many of the same reasons. We blocked her completely when youngest SD turned 19. She constantly bothered DH about issues that had nothing to do with the kids. She would then reminisce and act like they were still married and even would send him family pictures and pictures of just herself. She never text or called where she didn't call me names or cause some issue so when we no longer had to deal with her he blocked her. He informed her he was done with her crap gave her an opportunity to stop and said next time you Contact me needlessly you will be blocked. She of course did so he blocked her. She went ballistic. Tried everything she could to get his attention. Even faking illness and going to the hospital and SS called DH blaming us for causing her stress and she was having a heart attack. She was just fine no signs of any heart attack. It was awful !! He stood his ground.. He gave her a few chances a few years later and a few years after that and it literally would take a week and she would be right back at it. So she was blocked for good. She borrowed other peoples phone we blocked those etc. It is endless!! She still tries it a few times a year!!
Bottom line I understand your situation and it is awful to deal with. BM in our life is Bipolar and toxic! If we let her she would email too as the text messages were 15 and 16 messages long. He went no contact at all with her. But the kids were 22 and 19 and adults with no need for her contact.. How old are the step kids?
Yes, this is something my
Yes, this is something my partner has done recently. Since the birth of our daughter a year ago she's really ramped up her attempts at control and truly undeserved criticism of us both. She constantly undermines our roles in their lives and now we are only able to communicate remotely with them due to Covid she is focusing her efforts on undermining and disrupting this. She was constantly harassing us. Threatened court and mediation because my partner set up a separate email address for her and told her he'd check it and respond once a week. So he said ok, will wait for mediation and that she had his number for genuine emergencies. She's not rang yet after over a month. He did say if she abused this he would have to give her someone else's number in case of emergencies. The mediation invite hasn't materialised. She just likes to bully and control. We weren't prepared to put up with her long, critical, harassing emails any more.
And... good riddance.
Block, ignore.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
If they don't contact via the mandated conduit, they have zero interface.
Absolutely
Yep, DH here had to block BMs cell due to her ongoing abuse of that means of communication to harass him/us. She was warned, notified that if the behavior continued she would be blocked from calling/texting his cell and communication would be email only. She continued. DH followed through. It's now email only, tough shit if she doesn't like it. And 99% of her ranting emails are ignored unless require a response. Boundaries are the only way to deal with these chaotic individuals.
Save every one of her
Save every one of her vitriolic rants to bare her ass with in court. And... review her vitriolic crap with the Skids on a regular basis so those kids have a clear understanding of the manipulative lying evil wench that their mother is. Baring BM's ass should be the hobby that you and your DH enjoy above all else.. when it comes to those unfortunately mothered children.
The kids need the truth in order to protect themselves from her crap as they continue to grow up and just as importantly, when they are adults.
Family wizard?
There is a communication method that can be court ordered called Family Wizard I think. I think any communication on there can be recorded for court use if ppl need that...